Inviting strangers to the wedding

thisismynickname2

If you already got married (and have a husband, not future husband or fiance) with close family present, rest assured the LARGE population of people coming to your event in 28 days are going to find out you're already married and rest assured, at least some of those people are going to be pissed off. 

People place a lot of value on watching people get married. Not a recreation. The real deal is meaningful! Would you recreate your graduation ceremony? A birth? No. When people find out that vows recited didn't actually do anything, didn't actually result in any legal and/or religious change of status, well, I tell ya, I can watch people PDA anytime anywhere and it doesn't mean anything. Your event in 28 days doesn't mean anything, because you're already married. 

No advice on the complicated sister situation, but if you're already married, don't feel bad on her missing anything. 

ahoywedding

Aw snap, I missed that this was a PPD! In that case, I take my suggestions back. It doesn't matter who you invite to a party, and you already got married without your mom or sister. 

southernbelle0915

CMGragain said:

OP, your question is irrelevant since your wedding has already taken place.

If you really must have a vow renewal, here is a website that gives good etiquette advice.  https://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette-2/  Please read it carefully, and note that it states that vow renewals are NOT second weddings.

As for whom you will invite if you decide to have a vow renewal this soon after your wedding, this is up to you.  The only rule is that husbands/wives. partners/significant others in a relationship must be invited.  You are not required to invite your mother.

Expect a lot of declines.  You are planning something that is not usually done.  Many people will side eye you for this event.  I would suggest that you just have a nice anniversary party and invite people to that. 

You really should send out wedding announcements to all of your friends and family as soon as possible.  This is the correct thing to do.  They are printed up much like wedding invitations.

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

 announce their marriage

Date of marriage

City, State (or country)

Perfect advice, but she did say that she is not telling her family that she is married. So they won't even have the OPPORTUNITY to gauge honestly whether they want to attend such an event. They think they're attending a wedding. (*eyeroll*)

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie1463830101 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

Knottie1463830101 said:

thisismynickname said:

Sounds like the vow renewal ship sailed. As long as everyone attending knows you're married...

No

No what? People don't know you're already married?

No, a lot of our family does not know we are already married, and there are very good reasons, I don't need any of you judgmental people, commenting on. I came here for help and advice, not to have snarky, bitchy opinions that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT, left. Thanks but no thanks.  

That's some bush league bullshit.  I call bullshit on your reasons.

mollybarker11

Knottie1463830101 said:

People come here for advice, and not for the forum trolls to be hounding on them. I really don't care what ANY of you have to say, minus the few who did give me good advice.

My advice:
- Don't invite your mother since you don't want her there.

- Do your older sister if you do want her there. She can determine whether she wants to attend badly enough to risk any potential weirdness with your mom. She knows their relationship better than you.

- Do announce your marriage. Sounds like you're worried about some drama so you're trying to keep it secret? I promise, announcing a private wedding will induce far far less drama than waiting for the secret of your wedding to get out and cast a spotlight on the absurdity of a reenactment.

- Do restructure your planned event to a true Vow Renewal or At Home Reception. It may seem hard to do in under a month but it must be done. Neither event takes "wedding format" but VRs do have some similarities. However, you and your husband would look rather silly having a VR this soon after your wedding so I strongly encourage you to throw an AHR instead.

PrettyGirlLost

And P Fucking S I can guarantee someone has slipped up since February and told someone else you are already married.

banana468

I love it when Nina in the accounts payable department of your health insurance company knows that you're married.   And Flo from Progressive knows that you now can be married for your car insurance.   And until yesterday, James Comey could get the IRS to give him your marital information.

But for some reason, these people who are strangers to you need to see you as married and your bridesmaids don't.

OurWildKingdom

You know what, OP? Be grateful you could get married legally. There are people who can't marry the person they love because of their ethnicity, religion, or gender.

You had a small DW. Own it, send out announcements, and throw an AHR. Or just own that you had a small wedding and save the vow renewal for a big anniversary. If you make it that long.