Rude if guests get different apps?

[Deleted User]

I've decided to cut our guest list massively to save costs to 150 people. The costs seemed to be spirally out of control when you add up things like the wedding stage, decor, ceremony, banns etc.

For the cocktail hours I would like to serve fruit pots with dips, mini red striped bags of popcorn, nuts, chips etc.  The fruit pots are the most expensive food.

Would it be rude to have say 110 pots available, but enough of the rest of the food for all the guests to eat or should every option be available to every guest?

If it is rude I would pay for every guest to get a fruit pot.

missJeanLouise

Everyone should be treated the same so that means they should all be able to have a fruit pot. The whole point of etiquette is to ensure all your guests are comfortable and treated equally. 

[Deleted User]

missJeanLouise said: p

Everyone should be treated the same so that means they should all be able to have a fruit pot. The whole point of etiquette is to ensure all your guests are comfortable and treated equally. 

Thanks. I know the question seems a bit ridiculous but it has been bothering me. I was going to do a fruit palm tree, but thought the pots looked much nicer.

missJeanLouise

Kimora_Blax said:

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missJeanLouise said: p

Everyone should be treated the same so that means they should all be able to have a fruit pot. The whole point of etiquette is to ensure all your guests are comfortable and treated equally. 

Thanks. I know the question seems a bit ridiculous but it has been bothering me. I was going to do a fruit palm tree, but thought the pots looked much nicer.

Not ridiculous but I can tell you that guests 100% care more about having enough to eat and drink than the presentation of the the food. If including enough food for each of your guests starts to become a problem then you should consider cutting back on decor and other extras.

[Deleted User]

scribe95 said:

Good advice above. Food and drinks are very important. Don't skimp on these for other frills of your vision.

Can't I have food and drink and vision? I want everyone with enough food and drink plus a beautiful wedding stage at the reception venue for FI and I! Already convinced my FI that it's wrong to have evening guests. I'm going to DIY most the mini popcorn, nuts etc the day before the wedding to reduce costs.

STARMOON44

I don't even know what fruit pots are, but there should be enough to go around. 

OurWildKingdom

STARMOON44 said:

I don't even know what fruit pots are, but there should be enough to go around. 

At least enough to go around. Having some extra wouldn't hurt.

ETA: @STARMOON44, a fruit pot is probably just a fruit cup with a different name.

JediElizabeth

Kimora_Blax said:

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scribe95 said:

Good advice above. Food and drinks are very important. Don't skimp on these for other frills of your vision.

Can't I have food and drink and vision? I want everyone with enough food and drink plus a beautiful wedding stage at the reception venue for FI and I! Already convinced my FI that it's wrong to have evening guests. I'm going to DIY most the mini popcorn, nuts etc the day before the wedding to reduce costs.

You're doing good! Way to go for getting your FI on the same page as you there - I had some ridiculous fights with my partner, but he came around when I made him put himself in our guests shoes.

Do the same here. I guarantee that after the wedding, you'll forget exactly what all the app choices were, but you'll feel awesome when people tell you how much fun they had and how great the food was and how everyone agrees that you hosted an excellent event (instead of grumbling behind your back that there wasn't enough to go around or something like that). 

[Deleted User]

JediElizabeth said:i

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Kimora_Blax said:

scribe95 said:

Good advice above. Food and drinks are very important. Don't skimp on these for other frills of your vision.

Can't I have food and drink and vision? I want everyone with enough food and drink plus a beautiful wedding stage at the reception venue for FI and I! Already convinced my FI that it's wrong to have evening guests. I'm going to DIY most the mini popcorn, nuts etc the day before the wedding to reduce costs.

You're doing good! Way to go for getting your FI on the same page as you there - I had some ridiculous fights with my partner, but he came around when I made him put himself in our guests shoes.

Do the same here. I guarantee that after the wedding, you'll forget exactly what all the app choices were, but you'll feel awesome when people tell you how much fun they had and how great the food was and how everyone agrees that you hosted an excellent event (instead of grumbling behind your back that there wasn't enough to go around or something like that). 

That is what I am going for! Still trying to convince FI to have the reception in a school gym because it allows us to have no cash bar (since we can supply all the alcohol/drinks ourselves for free), tons of free parking (free parking is difficult to get where we live), lots of space, kitchen facilities and I've seen some amazing wedding decorators who can make it look beautiful. A lot of venues require cash bars and are very restrictive in what we can do.

I think the gym/school hall would be perfect.

lyndausvi

For cocktail hour you should have 3-5 pieces of food per person.

Some apps need to be buffed up a lot because they are popular.  I.e.  1 shrimp per person isn't going to cut it because people take 2-3 each.    

That said, things like veggies and fruit you can normally cut back on because they are not normally as popular of a choice.  I've worked plenty of weddings and those things are often left behind.      

Ideally you should have one per person, but I think you could get away with say 125.    This vary by guest list.  I can name some 25 people just off the top of my head who will not have a fruit pop, with my husband being at the top of the list.  

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

For cocktail hour you should have 3-5 pieces of food per person.

Some apps need to be buffed up a lot because they are popular.  I.e.  1 shrimp per person isn't going to cut it because people take 2-3 each.    

That said, things like veggies and fruit you can normally cut back on because they are not normally as popular of a choice.  I've worked plenty of weddings and those things are often left behind.      

Ideally you should have one per person, but I think you could get away with say 125.    This vary by guest list.  I can name some 25 people just off the top of my head who will not have a fruit pop, with my husband being at the top of the list.  

Thanks for the advice. The fruit pots are sort of like plastic cups with round lids with fruit salad inside and a mini spoon. The caterer arranges them on an LED display and cake stands so it looks really pretty. We aren't having any hot apps (too expensive). So its that or mini bags of peanuts, chips, nuts and other snack items with non-alcoholic punch or rum punch for the cocktail hour. Would love to do more cocktails but is probably outside the budget.

jacques27

But if cost is a factor, just having large trays is more cost effective and you'll probably need less over all.  Sure, it may not go in with your vision, but this is something consumable and you're vision isn't going to last that long anyway.  And if you're doing any photos during cocktail hour, you're probably not even going to be there to witness your vision.  Because if you're doing individual cups, you need to make sure there is one per person (and ideally in these situations you would budget about 1.5 per person because some might want two and some won't want any at all.  And if it's mixed fruit, and I only like two of the four kinds of fruit in there, I have to take a whole cup and you've now wasted the price of half that cup and basically flushed it down the toilet because most people aren't going to finish up half of someone else's fruit cup unless they are married to each other.  Whereas in a large fruit tray, I can pick the two types I like and it's open to allow others who do like that type to eat what I chose not to and you'll likely need less fruit overall.


I don't know - I guess if I were so cash-strapped that I was seriously contemplating not having enough of a food item for all of the guests, I'd be cutting extras like fancy displays something that will only look fancy for about a half hour and be consumed before I start cutting out guests because priorities.

[Deleted User]

jacques27 said:

But if cost is a factor, just having large trays is more cost effective and you'll probably need less over all.  Sure, it may not go in with your vision, but this is something consumable and you're vision isn't going to last that long anyway.  And if you're doing any photos during cocktail hour, you're probably not even going to be there to witness your vision.  Because if you're doing individual cups, you need to make sure there is one per person (and ideally in these situations you would budget about 1.5 per person because some might want two and some won't want any at all.  And if it's mixed fruit, and I only like two of the four kinds of fruit in there, I have to take a whole cup and you've now wasted the price of half that cup and basically flushed it down the toilet because most people aren't going to finish up half of someone else's fruit cup unless they are married to each other.  Whereas in a large fruit tray, I can pick the two types I like and it's open to allow others who do like that type to eat what I chose not to and you'll likely need less fruit overall.


I don't know - I guess if I were so cash-strapped that I was seriously contemplating not having enough of a food item for all of the guests, I'd be cutting extras like fancy displays something that will only look fancy for about a half hour and be consumed before I start cutting out guests because priorities.

I'm not 'so cash-strapped,' just trying to save on budget. People often try and make savings because its good financial sense. I cut my guests because i wanted to spend less thousands overall because life goes on after a wedding because you know, priorities. Cost is always a factor because budgets exist.  I was not contemplating that I wouldn't feed guests.

I am making savings in every part of the wedding to avoid being wasteful because you know, priorities. There are more important things in life than wedding receptions. I'm doing a lot more than most US weddings by actually paying for my bridesmaids dresses to avoid having my guests open their wallet for my wedding, because priorities. I read on TK American brides don't pay.

Even if I cut the fruits I suddenly wouldn't have thousands for hundreds of guests, obviously or more precisely I don't want to spend that much on a party. My original guest list was slighlty over 300, so I lowered it. 1.5 per guest is completely unnecessary when there will be lots of other things to eat. Also a large fruit tray requires additional cutlery unless you think people are going to eat cut up fruits with their hands which is also an expense. I like saving money and having things look pretty. I said I could afford one each already. 

I'd rather have an amazing day for 150 rather than spend thousands more on 300. 

LondonLisa

Kimora_Blax said:

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jacques27 said:

But if cost is a factor, just having large trays is more cost effective and you'll probably need less over all.  Sure, it may not go in with your vision, but this is something consumable and you're vision isn't going to last that long anyway.  And if you're doing any photos during cocktail hour, you're probably not even going to be there to witness your vision.  Because if you're doing individual cups, you need to make sure there is one per person (and ideally in these situations you would budget about 1.5 per person because some might want two and some won't want any at all.  And if it's mixed fruit, and I only like two of the four kinds of fruit in there, I have to take a whole cup and you've now wasted the price of half that cup and basically flushed it down the toilet because most people aren't going to finish up half of someone else's fruit cup unless they are married to each other.  Whereas in a large fruit tray, I can pick the two types I like and it's open to allow others who do like that type to eat what I chose not to and you'll likely need less fruit overall.


I don't know - I guess if I were so cash-strapped that I was seriously contemplating not having enough of a food item for all of the guests, I'd be cutting extras like fancy displays something that will only look fancy for about a half hour and be consumed before I start cutting out guests because priorities.

I'm not 'so cash-strapped,' just trying to save on budget. People often try and make savings because its good financial sense. I cut my guests because i wanted to spend less thousands overall because life goes on after a wedding because you know, priorities. Cost is always a factor because budgets exist.  I was not contemplating that I wouldn't feed guests.

I am making savings in every part of the wedding to avoid being wasteful because you know, priorities. There are more important things in life than wedding receptions. I'm doing a lot more than most US weddings by actually paying for my bridesmaids dresses to avoid having my guests open their wallet for my wedding, because priorities. I read on TK American brides don't pay.

Even if I cut the fruits I suddenly wouldn't have thousands for hundreds of guests, obviously or more precisely I don't want to spend that much on a party. My original guest list was slighlty over 300, so I lowered it. 1.5 per guest is completely unnecessary when there will be lots of other things to eat. Also a large fruit tray requires additional cutlery unless you think people are going to eat cut up fruits with their hands which is also an expense. I like saving money and having things look pretty. I said I could afford one each already. 

I'd rather have an amazing day for 150 rather than spend thousands more on 300. 

Look, there is no need to get defensive. This was actually a really good suggestion. No one was insulting you by saying cash strapped, but rather a better way for you to save money. There are plenty of finger foods that would be cheaper by having a tray and some napkins/cocktail sticks: grapes, pieces of melon, carrots, broccoli, cheese cubes, pitta bread and hoummus, olives, etc. 

And 1.5 per person is a fairly standard catering rule.

If there were only pub snacks then an over the top fruit tower with lights that everyone only got one, as a guest I would just find it odd. It's like having for the meal a plate of chips and a bite size piece of filet mignon with a sparkler in it. Surely the cost could have been spread out better.

There is nothing wrong with a budget and pub snacks, but people care about volume and quality. One skewer of fruit in a plastic cup isn't 5x better than a fruit tray, but it probably costs that much. There is just no way one fruit skewer on a LED tray is going to enamour me so much that I'll forget being peckish. I'd wonder why they spent money on this tower instead of some bread or cheese/crackers.

A good rule is if you are on a budget, go for basics, but a good volume. Fancy displays only really work if you have the volume and quality to make sure guests have variety.

missJeanLouise

@Kimora_Blax no one knows your budget or what you plans are. Suggesting food>decor is just general, good hosting advice. 

The only reason anyone brought it up is based off the information you have provided. 

I've decided to cut our guest list massively to save costs to 150 people. The costs seemed to be spirally out of control when you add up things like the wedding stage, decor, ceremony, banns etc.

A wedding stage and decor sound like over the top extras where food is a necessity. It sounds like you are hosting properly and doing your best to stretch a budgetand doing a great job. Planning can be stressful but no one here has any reason to steer you wrong. But, again, we can only go off the information you have provided.

[Deleted User]

LondonLisa said:m

show previous quotes

Kimora_Blax said:

jacques27 said:

But if cost is a factor, just having large trays is more cost effective and you'll probably need less over all.  Sure, it may not go in with your vision, but this is something consumable and you're vision isn't going to last that long anyway.  And if you're doing any photos during cocktail hour, you're probably not even going to be there to witness your vision.  Because if you're doing individual cups, you need to make sure there is one per person (and ideally in these situations you would budget about 1.5 per person because some might want two and some won't want any at all.  And if it's mixed fruit, and I only like two of the four kinds of fruit in there, I have to take a whole cup and you've now wasted the price of half that cup and basically flushed it down the toilet because most people aren't going to finish up half of someone else's fruit cup unless they are married to each other.  Whereas in a large fruit tray, I can pick the two types I like and it's open to allow others who do like that type to eat what I chose not to and you'll likely need less fruit overall.


I don't know - I guess if I were so cash-strapped that I was seriously contemplating not having enough of a food item for all of the guests, I'd be cutting extras like fancy displays something that will only look fancy for about a half hour and be consumed before I start cutting out guests because priorities.

I'm not 'so cash-strapped,' just trying to save on budget. People often try and make savings because its good financial sense. I cut my guests because i wanted to spend less thousands overall because life goes on after a wedding because you know, priorities. Cost is always a factor because budgets exist.  I was not contemplating that I wouldn't feed guests.

I am making savings in every part of the wedding to avoid being wasteful because you know, priorities. There are more important things in life than wedding receptions. I'm doing a lot more than most US weddings by actually paying for my bridesmaids dresses to avoid having my guests open their wallet for my wedding, because priorities. I read on TK American brides don't pay.

Even if I cut the fruits I suddenly wouldn't have thousands for hundreds of guests, obviously or more precisely I don't want to spend that much on a party. My original guest list was slighlty over 300, so I lowered it. 1.5 per guest is completely unnecessary when there will be lots of other things to eat. Also a large fruit tray requires additional cutlery unless you think people are going to eat cut up fruits with their hands which is also an expense. I like saving money and having things look pretty. I said I could afford one each already. 

I'd rather have an amazing day for 150 rather than spend thousands more on 300. 

Look, there is no need to get defensive. This was actually a really good suggestion. No one was insulting you by saying cash strapped, but rather a better way for you to save money. There are plenty of finger foods that would be cheaper by having a tray and some napkins/cocktail sticks: grapes, pieces of melon, carrots, broccoli, cheese cubes, pitta bread and hoummus, olives, etc. 

And 1.5 per person is a fairly standard catering rule.

If there were only pub snacks then an over the top fruit tower with lights that everyone only got one, as a guest I would just find it odd. It's like having for the meal a plate of chips and a bite size piece of filet mignon with a sparkler in it. Surely the cost could have been spread out better.

There is nothing wrong with a budget and pub snacks, but people care about volume and quality. One skewer of fruit in a plastic cup isn't 5x better than a fruit tray, but it probably costs that much. There is just no way one fruit skewer on a LED tray is going to enamour me so much that I'll forget being peckish. I'd wonder why they spent money on this tower instead of some bread or cheese/crackers.

A good rule is if you are on a budget, go for basics, but a good volume. Fancy displays only really work if you have the volume and quality to make sure guests have variety.

It's a cup of fruit not one skewer. The suggestion was said in a snarky way which is why I got defensive. I think you would have to admit it was snarky and being spoken to in a snarky way is unlikely to result in smiles from the listener. I don't appreciate being spoken down to in relation to how much I want to spend on my wedding. Regardless of how helpful, if people act rudely, what do you expect?

Also everyone is on a budget, even if you have 1 million to spend, it is still a budget. Budget doesn't mean the same thing as really poor which the other poster was implying, at least it seemed that way to me. 

I like your tray idea, it's just a lot for me and my family to set up the day of the wedding. I didn't want the caterers to provide the majority of the cocktail food. We wanted to do most of it ourselves and set it up. The fruit thing was actually not as expensive as you might think and relieved  some strain off us from setting it up. We got a deal with the cocktail hour drinks and the fruit cups.

A lot of the items you described have to be cut on the day and moving that much food is awkward and we don't live where the wedding is taking place, so there is no where to store it since we are staying in a hotel. 1 each is fine I think and as long as there is enough food so people don't go hungry I don't see the problem. I'm not running a restaurant. 

 I think doing the trays on the day maybe too much work Almost I disagree with your filet mignon example. Fruit is consistent with 'pub snacks.' Its not like having lobster and crisps. There will be volume, in the pub snacks I prepare myself so I don't see the issue. There will be lots of variety. Cocktail hour food isn't intended to be a meal and there is a very substantial meal following it.

You mentioned feeling peckish but nothing I have suggested will deprieve guests of food. People wouldn't be hungry. I never suggested not feeding people. So I'm a bit confused about the point you are trying to make. I never said it was one piece of fruit in a cup, you did. 

[Deleted User]

missJeanLouise said:

@Kimora_Blax no one knows your budget or what you plans are. Suggesting food>decor is just general, good hosting advice. 

The only reason anyone brought it up is based off the information you have provided. 

show previous quotes

I've decided to cut our guest list massively to save costs to 150 people. The costs seemed to be spirally out of control when you add up things like the wedding stage, decor, ceremony, banns etc.

A wedding stage and decor sound like over the top extras where food is a necessity. It sounds like you are hosting properly and doing your best to stretch a budgetand doing a great job. Planning can be stressful but no one here has any reason to steer you wrong. But, again, we can only go off the information you have provided.

But I never said I wasn't giving people food. So I don't see the issue in having wedding decor and food. I never said I couldn't afford food! Lol I'm not going to have an empty room at my wedding with nothing in it but food. Wedding stages are normal in my culture. People are acting like I said I wouldn't feed guests.

LondonLisa

Kimora_Blax said:

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LondonLisa said:m

Kimora_Blax said:

jacques27 said:

But if cost is a factor, just having large trays is more cost effective and you'll probably need less over all.  Sure, it may not go in with your vision, but this is something consumable and you're vision isn't going to last that long anyway.  And if you're doing any photos during cocktail hour, you're probably not even going to be there to witness your vision.  Because if you're doing individual cups, you need to make sure there is one per person (and ideally in these situations you would budget about 1.5 per person because some might want two and some won't want any at all.  And if it's mixed fruit, and I only like two of the four kinds of fruit in there, I have to take a whole cup and you've now wasted the price of half that cup and basically flushed it down the toilet because most people aren't going to finish up half of someone else's fruit cup unless they are married to each other.  Whereas in a large fruit tray, I can pick the two types I like and it's open to allow others who do like that type to eat what I chose not to and you'll likely need less fruit overall.


I don't know - I guess if I were so cash-strapped that I was seriously contemplating not having enough of a food item for all of the guests, I'd be cutting extras like fancy displays something that will only look fancy for about a half hour and be consumed before I start cutting out guests because priorities.

I'm not 'so cash-strapped,' just trying to save on budget. People often try and make savings because its good financial sense. I cut my guests because i wanted to spend less thousands overall because life goes on after a wedding because you know, priorities. Cost is always a factor because budgets exist.  I was not contemplating that I wouldn't feed guests.

I am making savings in every part of the wedding to avoid being wasteful because you know, priorities. There are more important things in life than wedding receptions. I'm doing a lot more than most US weddings by actually paying for my bridesmaids dresses to avoid having my guests open their wallet for my wedding, because priorities. I read on TK American brides don't pay.

Even if I cut the fruits I suddenly wouldn't have thousands for hundreds of guests, obviously or more precisely I don't want to spend that much on a party. My original guest list was slighlty over 300, so I lowered it. 1.5 per guest is completely unnecessary when there will be lots of other things to eat. Also a large fruit tray requires additional cutlery unless you think people are going to eat cut up fruits with their hands which is also an expense. I like saving money and having things look pretty. I said I could afford one each already. 

I'd rather have an amazing day for 150 rather than spend thousands more on 300. 

Look, there is no need to get defensive. This was actually a really good suggestion. No one was insulting you by saying cash strapped, but rather a better way for you to save money. There are plenty of finger foods that would be cheaper by having a tray and some napkins/cocktail sticks: grapes, pieces of melon, carrots, broccoli, cheese cubes, pitta bread and hoummus, olives, etc. 

And 1.5 per person is a fairly standard catering rule.

If there were only pub snacks then an over the top fruit tower with lights that everyone only got one, as a guest I would just find it odd. It's like having for the meal a plate of chips and a bite size piece of filet mignon with a sparkler in it. Surely the cost could have been spread out better.

There is nothing wrong with a budget and pub snacks, but people care about volume and quality. One skewer of fruit in a plastic cup isn't 5x better than a fruit tray, but it probably costs that much. There is just no way one fruit skewer on a LED tray is going to enamour me so much that I'll forget being peckish. I'd wonder why they spent money on this tower instead of some bread or cheese/crackers.

A good rule is if you are on a budget, go for basics, but a good volume. Fancy displays only really work if you have the volume and quality to make sure guests have variety.

It's a cup of fruit not one skewer. The suggestion was said in a snarky way which is why I got defensive. I think you would have to admit it was snarky and being spoken to in a snarky way is unlikely to result in smiles from the listener. I don't appreciate being spoken down to in relation to how much I want to spend on my wedding. Regardless of how helpful, if people act rudely, what do you expect?

Also everyone is on a budget, even if you have 1 million to spend, it is still a budget. Budget doesn't mean the same thing as really poor which the other poster was implying, at least it seemed that way to me. 

I like your tray idea, it's just a lot for me and my family to set up the day of the wedding. I didn't want the caterers to provide the majority of the cocktail food. We wanted to do most of it ourselves and set it up. The fruit thing was actually not as expensive as you might think and relieved  some strain off us from setting it up.

A lot of the items you described have to be cut on the day and moving that much food is awkward and we don't live where the wedding is taking place, so there is no where to store it since we are staying in a hotel. 1 each is fine I think and as long as there is enough food so people don't go hungry I don't see the problem. I'm not running a restaurant. 

 I think doing the trays on the day maybe too much work Almost I disagree with your filet mignon example. Fruit is consistent with 'pub snacks.' Its not like having lobster and crisps. There will be volume, in the pub snacks I prepare myself so I don't see the issue. Cocktail hour food isn't intended to be a meal and there is a very substantial meal following it.

I definitely did not read her post as snarky in the slightest. I actually agree with this suggestion. She was not insinuating anything about your wedding. I think she may have hit a nerve and you read it from that tone. 

I completely understand you you not wanting to diy this, however, if I were in your shoes, I would just ask the caterer how much this would be. Most restaurant food supply places have precut fruit/veggies/cheese cubes. Your caterers are having to cut up the fruit anyway. Just see if you could get more if they don't have to portion it out individually, set up the LED tray etc. I bet you could get a lot more for your money this way. Many grocery stores also have party trays like this that are incredibly economical and also really good. 

But, honestly, seems like you have your mind made up already. That's ok, but you posted asking for suggestions. You can't take it as a criticism or a personal attack when someone was genuinely trying to save you money. 

I saved loads at my wedding because if great suggestions from people on here. 

LondonLisa

Just to add, I don't know where you are based, but you mentioned America. Many of the American brides recommend a shop called Sams Club or Costco for trays like this 
https://m.samsclub.com/ip/seasonal-fruit-tray-4-lbs/121431

https://m.samsclub.com/ip/gourmet-vegetable-tray-4-lbs/199433

For less than US $200 you could have fruit and veggies with dip for 150 people. I doubt your caterer could provide that. 

Add in a few cheese platters and bread/hoummous, and you could feed everybody for around $2.50 per person. You wouldn't even need a caterer. And it would save you from having to diy your popcorn and peanuts. 

missJeanLouise

Kimora_Blax said:

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missJeanLouise said:

@Kimora_Blax no one knows your budget or what you plans are. Suggesting food>decor is just general, good hosting advice. 

The only reason anyone brought it up is based off the information you have provided. 

I've decided to cut our guest list massively to save costs to 150 people. The costs seemed to be spirally out of control when you add up things like the wedding stage, decor, ceremony, banns etc.

A wedding stage and decor sound like over the top extras where food is a necessity. It sounds like you are hosting properly and doing your best to stretch a budgetand doing a great job. Planning can be stressful but no one here has any reason to steer you wrong. But, again, we can only go off the information you have provided.

But I never said I wasn't giving people food. So I don't see the issue in having wedding decor and food. I never said I couldn't afford food! Lol I'm not going to have an empty room at my wedding with nothing in it but food. Wedding stages are normal in my culture. People are acting like I said I wouldn't feed guests.

I didn't say that either, no one did. You were asking about cutting 40 fruit cups in order to save money and all anyone suggested was that scaling back in other areas are preferred from a guest's POV. Have you ever been to a wedding/ event where there wasn't enough food or chairs but there was extravagant lighting or costumes or something else that didn't affect guest comfort? I have and it doesn't make me fondly recall that event. 

missJeanLouise

Kimora_Blax said:

I've decided to cut our guest list massively to save costs to 150 people. The costs seemed to be spirally out of control when you add up things like the wedding stage, decor, ceremony, banns etc.

For the cocktail hours I would like to serve fruit pots with dips, mini red striped bags of popcorn, nuts, chips etc.  The fruit pots are the most expensive food.

Would it be rude to have say 110 pots available, but enough of the rest of the food for all the guests to eat or should every option be available to every guest?

If it is rude I would pay for every guest to get a fruit pot.

JIC

[Deleted User]

LondonLisa said:

Just to add, I don't know where you are based, but you mentioned America. Many of the American brides recommend a shop called Sams Club or Costco for trays like this 
https://m.samsclub.com/ip/seasonal-fruit-tray-4-lbs/121431

https://m.samsclub.com/ip/gourmet-vegetable-tray-4-lbs/199433

For less than US $200 you could have fruit and veggies with dip for 150 people. I doubt your caterer could provide that. 

Add in a few cheese platters and bread/hoummous, and you could feed everybody for around $2.50 per person. You wouldn't even need a caterer. And it would save you from having to diy your popcorn and peanuts. 

I live in the UK. As I mentioned i have no where to store this prior to the wedding since we are staying in a hotel. I did consider it as an option but it became unworkable. It is a good idea. Maybe I'll go back to the drawing board. I will go and ask the caterers for more ideas. 

[Deleted User]

missJeanLouise said:

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Kimora_Blax said:

missJeanLouise said:

@Kimora_Blax no one knows your budget or what you plans are. Suggesting food>decor is just general, good hosting advice. 

The only reason anyone brought it up is based off the information you have provided. 

I've decided to cut our guest list massively to save costs to 150 people. The costs seemed to be spirally out of control when you add up things like the wedding stage, decor, ceremony, banns etc.

A wedding stage and decor sound like over the top extras where food is a necessity. It sounds like you are hosting properly and doing your best to stretch a budgetand doing a great job. Planning can be stressful but no one here has any reason to steer you wrong. But, again, we can only go off the information you have provided.

But I never said I wasn't giving people food. So I don't see the issue in having wedding decor and food. I never said I couldn't afford food! Lol I'm not going to have an empty room at my wedding with nothing in it but food. Wedding stages are normal in my culture. People are acting like I said I wouldn't feed guests.

I didn't say that either, no one did. You were asking about cutting 40 fruit cups in order to save money and all anyone suggested was that scaling back in other areas are preferred from a guest's POV. Have you ever been to a wedding/ event where there wasn't enough food or chairs but there was extravagant lighting or costumes or something else that didn't affect guest comfort? I have and it doesn't make me fondly recall that event. 

I understand helpful tips but I never suggested not giving people chairs etc. I said less of a particular type of food not something which would affect comfort levels.

LondonLisa

I would take an empty room with better food and more volume/variety every single day over a decorated room with a strict 1 per person food rule. 

These boards are filled with stories of wedding guests who had a misrable time because they ran out of food. 

[Deleted User]

LondonLisa said:

I would take an empty room with better food and more volume/variety every single day over a decorated room with a strict 1 per person food rule. 

These boards are filled with stories of wedding guests who had a misrable time because they ran out of food. 

For the last time, when did I say I would run out of food or fail to provide food? I'm not going to enforce a rule. If people overeat one snack then people will eat the other snack. Isn't that normal.

 For example I am bringing in my own drinks. If I run out of beer A people will drink Beer B. Running out is a non issue. If more of a certain type of snack is taken people eat something else.  A wedding isn't a restaurant. There will be variety so not sure what point you are trying to make.

LondonLisa

Kimora_Blax said:

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LondonLisa said:

Just to add, I don't know where you are based, but you mentioned America. Many of the American brides recommend a shop called Sams Club or Costco for trays like this 
https://m.samsclub.com/ip/seasonal-fruit-tray-4-lbs/121431

https://m.samsclub.com/ip/gourmet-vegetable-tray-4-lbs/199433

For less than US $200 you could have fruit and veggies with dip for 150 people. I doubt your caterer could provide that. 

Add in a few cheese platters and bread/hoummous, and you could feed everybody for around $2.50 per person. You wouldn't even need a caterer. And it would save you from having to diy your popcorn and peanuts. 

I live in the UK. As I mentioned i have no where to store this prior to the wedding since we are staying in a hotel. I did consider it as an option but it became unworkable. It is a good idea. Maybe I'll go back to the drawing board. I will go and ask the caterers for more ideas. 

Ok, I'm British too. M&S, waitrose, sainsburys and tesco all have party trays. Find out which one of these shops is near your venue and pick it up on the way. It takes 10 minutes. Some of them even do deliveries to the venues. 

Just to add, not having enough food (or strictly limiting 1 per person) is very much a thing that affects comfort. 

[Deleted User]

LondonLisa said:

show previous quotes

Kimora_Blax said:

LondonLisa said:

Just to add, I don't know where you are based, but you mentioned America. Many of the American brides recommend a shop called Sams Club or Costco for trays like this 
https://m.samsclub.com/ip/seasonal-fruit-tray-4-lbs/121431

https://m.samsclub.com/ip/gourmet-vegetable-tray-4-lbs/199433

For less than US $200 you could have fruit and veggies with dip for 150 people. I doubt your caterer could provide that. 

Add in a few cheese platters and bread/hoummous, and you could feed everybody for around $2.50 per person. You wouldn't even need a caterer. And it would save you from having to diy your popcorn and peanuts. 

I live in the UK. As I mentioned i have no where to store this prior to the wedding since we are staying in a hotel. I did consider it as an option but it became unworkable. It is a good idea. Maybe I'll go back to the drawing board. I will go and ask the caterers for more ideas. 

Ok, I'm British too. M&S, waitrose, sainsburys and tesco all have party trays. Find out which one of these shops is near your venue and pick it up on the way. It takes 10 minutes. Some of them even do deliveries to the venues. 

Just to add, not having enough food (or strictly limiting 1 per person) is very much a thing that affects comfort. 

I'm not going to write this again.   I NEVER SAID I WASN'T GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH FOOD.  Why you keep acting like  i did, i don't understand. I didn't know they did deliveries so i will look into that. So thanks 

LondonLisa

Kimora_Blax said:

show previous quotes

LondonLisa said:

I would take an empty room with better food and more volume/variety every single day over a decorated room with a strict 1 per person food rule. 

These boards are filled with stories of wedding guests who had a misrable time because they ran out of food. 

For the last time, when did I say I would run out of food or fail to provide food? I'm not going to enforce a rule. If people overeat one snack then people will eat the other snack. Isn't that normal.

 For example I am bringing in my own drinks. If I run out of beer A people will drink Beer B. Running out is a non issue. If more of a certain type of snack is taken people eat something else.  A wedding isn't a restaurant. 

Ok, so this is the issue: running out of things IS a problem at a wedding, especially early on. People want to try all the options, and they want to be able to go back for the things they like. It's just bad planning and hosting to run out of things. Running out of something is the definition of not having enough food. 

Running out of something that everyone has been eating or drinking for hours at midnight is annoying and bad planning, but somewhat forgivable. Running out of something before dinner starts is inexcusable. 

ETA: this is why we are all suggesting to go with inexpensive options, but more volume. Fruit, veg and breads with dips is enough. As long as there is enough volume for everyone so you won't run out. If I miss the fruit and can only eat popcorn that's left (because the nuts are gone too or I don't like nuts) I'm going to be hangry and grumpy. 

[Deleted User]

Also definitely doing cheaper cocktail hour food to afford better quality main meal food, good deinks and nice decor. So I see no need to splurge in that area. That's not against etiquette. Etiquette doesn't require maximum money spent in every part of the wedding. Cheaper cocktail hour food doesn't affect guest comfort.

[Deleted User]

LondonLisa said:

show previous quotes

Kimora_Blax said:

LondonLisa said:

I would take an empty room with better food and more volume/variety every single day over a decorated room with a strict 1 per person food rule. 

These boards are filled with stories of wedding guests who had a misrable time because they ran out of food. 

For the last time, when did I say I would run out of food or fail to provide food? I'm not going to enforce a rule. If people overeat one snack then people will eat the other snack. Isn't that normal.

 For example I am bringing in my own drinks. If I run out of beer A people will drink Beer B. Running out is a non issue. If more of a certain type of snack is taken people eat something else.  A wedding isn't a restaurant. 

Ok, so this is the issue: running out of things IS a problem at a wedding, especially early on. People want to try all the options, and they want to be able to go back for the things they like. It's just bad planning and hosting to run out of things. Running out of something is the definition of not having enough food. 

Running out of something that everyone has been eating or drinking for hours at midnight is annoying and bad planning, but somewhat forgivable. Running out of something before dinner starts is inexcusable. 


Etiquette requires food and drink not an endless supply of every single option. Running out means having nothing left. This sounds more like your personal opinion and not etiquette. So looking at your suggestions I should enough e.g. melon, nuts etc so everyone can have more plus seconds? You are talking about a lot of food and drink waste. If i buy e.g. melong for 150 people plus extrad plus cheese for 150 people plus extras. That is a massive amount of food that may not be eaten. So i should buy 150 trays of carrot sticks and then 150 trays of cheese etc?

Isn't that a lot of waste because you are buying food that far exceeds the number of people.

LondonLisa

Kimora_Blax said:

show previous quotes

LondonLisa said:

Kimora_Blax said:

LondonLisa said:

I would take an empty room with better food and more volume/variety every single day over a decorated room with a strict 1 per person food rule. 

These boards are filled with stories of wedding guests who had a misrable time because they ran out of food. 

For the last time, when did I say I would run out of food or fail to provide food? I'm not going to enforce a rule. If people overeat one snack then people will eat the other snack. Isn't that normal.

 For example I am bringing in my own drinks. If I run out of beer A people will drink Beer B. Running out is a non issue. If more of a certain type of snack is taken people eat something else.  A wedding isn't a restaurant. 

Ok, so this is the issue: running out of things IS a problem at a wedding, especially early on. People want to try all the options, and they want to be able to go back for the things they like. It's just bad planning and hosting to run out of things. Running out of something is the definition of not having enough food. 

Running out of something that everyone has been eating or drinking for hours at midnight is annoying and bad planning, but somewhat forgivable. Running out of something before dinner starts is inexcusable. 


Etiquette requires food and drink not an endless supply of everh single option. 

No,  but you need to provide enough food to last the entire cocktail reception. You are not providing nearly enough for that.  I just gave you like 4 suggestions of how you could do this for cheaper than what you're spending now so you don't run out of food. Why are you digging in your heals? 

Do what you want, but search these boards for how guests felt when they ran out of food or food was rationed. 

ETA: yes, you need to have enough of each option for each guests. That is where the 1.5 per person rule comes from. 

If youre worried about waste, why not have leftovers put out again during the dancing for people to snack on. I think you are going to be really surprised at how much people eat. 

By all means, don't believe us. But if everyone is universally telling you to think about more inexpensive options to have more volume, maybe think about it before you jump down our throats.