Hiding Bridesmaids Tattoos

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76

I am not against tattoos, I have a few myself. BUT, my sister has a full sleeve that I do not want my guests to see- poop emoji, zombie cupcake, skulls... Plus, my family does not approve of her tattoos. She has said she is fine not being in my wedding because of them, but that isn't an option for me.

My wedding is in the summer (2018), so I would like for my bridesmaids to wear short dresses. In order for my sister's tattoos to be covered, she will need long sleeves (or at least a long sleeve for the left arm). I've looked online at different websites but haven't found anything. Do any of you bride-to-bes have suggestions?? I thought about finding dresses and having sleeves added, but I don't know if that is possible with some dresses.

EDIT: My sister has absolutely no problem covering up her tattoos. She covers them at every family gathering, even when it's  hot, because she knows my grandparents and mom don't like tattoos. Her comment about not being in the wedding was to appease my family members who do not like tattoos. Either way, she is wearing long sleeves at my wedding as she has already made that decision to avoid negative comments from my grandparents and family.

CMGragain

How many bridesmaids will you have?  I would think it would make your sister uncomfortable to be dressed differently than the other bridesmaids.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_pg_2?fst=as:on&rh=n:7141123011,n:7147440011,n:1040660,k:bolero+jackets+for+evening+dresses&page=2&keywords=bolero+jackets+for+evening+dresses&ie=UTF8&qid=1494808454&spIA=B01N6KTL61,B01MF5PMRK,B01MCZ3TRX

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76

I have 4 and my sister is my MOH, so I was thinking of a different dress for her anyway. 

charlotte989875

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76 said:

I am not against tattoos, I have a few myself. BUT, my sister has a full sleeve that I do not want my guests to see- poop emoji, zombie cupcake, skulls... Plus, my family does not approve of her tattoos. She has said she is fine not being in my wedding because of them, but that isn't an option for me.

My wedding is in the summer (2018), so I would like for my bridesmaids to wear short dresses. In order for my sister's tattoos to be covered, she will need long sleeves (or at least a long sleeve for the left arm). I've looked online at different websites but haven't found anything. Do any of you bride-to-bes have suggestions?? I thought about finding dresses and having sleeves added, but I don't know if that is possible with some dresses.

How does your sister feel about long sleeves/covering? You really should be checking with her regarding what she's wearing. There are many bolero/shrugs/pashmina options depending on the style dress you choose.

 If you don't want your guests to see her art (which sounds super judgy by the way) then take her up on her offer not to stand up.  But really her tattoos are a part of her and you're asking her to be in your wedding, tattoos and all, don't try and make her change who she is because someone might not like her tattoos. 

missJeanLouise

You said her not being in your bridal party is not an option for you but maybe hiding who she is isn't an option for her. Have you talked to her about her feelings on the situation? It would really hurt my feelings if my sister said she wanted me there but I had to cover up because my body was too tattooed/ fat/ skinny/ dark/ pale/ veiny whatever. If I had to hide who I was because it didn't fit someone else vision I would feel extremely hurt.

MobKaz

Will she be forced to wear her cover up during the reception as well? 

If she declines your offer to cover up as a BM, what happens if she chooses to wear a sleeveless dress as your guest?   Will you take her off the guest list?

Either way, the sensibilities of your family will be tested.  Keep her as a BM, dressed exactly as you would any other BM, and maintain your own common sense. 

southernbelle0915

Your sister said she doesn't want to be in your wedding..."that's not an option" for you is the wrong attitude. Why not ask her to do a reading or something? Where she won't have to wear a BM dress.

But if you do force her to stand up in your wedding (extreme eye roll), you should pick a dress for ALL BMs that covers their sleeves if that's what you want. It's super insulting to be like "you HAVE to stand up in my wedding but I hate how you look, so cover up". 

Stop judging and focus your energy somewhere else. Seriously.

Heffalump

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76 said:

I am not against tattoos, I have a few myself. BUT, my sister has a full sleeve that I do not want my guests to see- poop emoji, zombie cupcake, skulls... Plus, my family does not approve of her tattoos. She has said she is fine not being in my wedding because of them, but that isn't an option for me.

My wedding is in the summer (2018), so I would like for my bridesmaids to wear short dresses. In order for my sister's tattoos to be covered, she will need long sleeves (or at least a long sleeve for the left arm). I've looked online at different websites but haven't found anything. Do any of you bride-to-bes have suggestions?? I thought about finding dresses and having sleeves added, but I don't know if that is possible with some dresses.

I'm going to be honest: I just don't think your attitude is appropriate, OP. 

1. Seeing a poop emoji or skull tattoo is not going to traumatize your guests.  (Zombie cupcake legit made me snort-laugh.)  It's not your job to go around curating real life so that your guests don't--heaven forfend!--see a tattoo on someone else. 

2.  It makes no nevermind whether your family approves or not.  It's your sister's body, and it's not up for communal input or control.

3.  It's hard to tell from your wording whether she wants to be a bridesmaid but is willing to skip it in order to avoid drama, or whether she's indifferent to it at best.  It was your decision whether to ask her or not, and now that you did, it's her decision whether she wants to participate. 

4.  Don't make your sister wear a different dress just because you don't like her tattoos.  Singling her out is not the solution.  Loving her as-is and not trying to control her appearance is.

I would be careful here, before you hurt your relationship with your sister.

LondonLisa

When you say your family doesn't approve of tattoos, I assume that your sister is also part of your family. Why don't you just let her deal with this. If Aunt Carol is going to mention something, let her. It's not your issue to deal with.

Why don't you just pick a colour and let everyone pick their own attire? If she wants to cover up, she can wear a suit/ jacket/ cardigan/ wrap. But if she doesn't, part of being a good sister/friend is loving people for who they are, not what they look like. 

debbeau

How does your sister feel about covering her tats up? Is she "no problem. ok don't want to upset grandma" or "this is who I am and I am proud of it"?

2 of my bridesmaids had several tattoos. The thought of asking them to cover them up never even entered my mind.

DrillSergeantCat

Heffalump said:

I'm going to be honest: I just don't think your attitude is appropriate, OP. 

1. Seeing a poop emoji or skull tattoo is not going to traumatize your guests.  (Zombie cupcake legit made me snort-laugh.)  It's not your job to go around curating real life so that your guests don't--heaven forfend!--see a tattoo on someone else. 

2.  It makes no nevermind whether your family approves or not.  It's your sister's body, and it's not up for communal input or control.

3.  It's hard to tell from your wording whether she wants to be a bridesmaid but is willing to skip it in order to avoid drama, or whether she's indifferent to it at best.  It was your decision whether to ask her or not, and now that you did, it's her decision whether she wants to participate. 

4.  Don't make your sister wear a different dress just because you don't like her tattoos.  Singling her out is not the solution.  Loving her as-is and not trying to control her appearance is.

I would be careful here, before you hurt your relationship with your sister.

But the PICTURES!!!

DrillSergeantCat

Instead of trying to hide your sister's tattoos, why don't you get tattoo sleeves for all your BMs! 

climbingsingle

Obviously your sister is not OK with covering up her tattoos. She's told you she'd rather not be in your wedding. What are you going to do - force her into a dress with sleeves, in the summer, no less! How incredibly rude of you. 

You have two options - let your sister wear what SHE wants. Don't force her to cover up her tattoos. They are a part of her body. It doesn't matter if your parents don't like them, or other members of your family. Who gives a shit? 

Don't have her stand up in your wedding. Let her just be a guest. 

ahoywedding

Have you asked your sister what she wants to do? If you think she may not tell you she doesn't want to be in the wedding (in an effort to spare your feelings, etc), is there another family member she may be honest with? Maybe your mom or another sibling. In order to maintain your relationship with your sister, letting her choose what she's comfortable with may be best. You can always take special pictures with her if you want, or she could do a reading or play another role in the ceremony (not handing out programs or something that could be done by an inanimate object). 

Also, has anyone in the family made comments to your sister about her tattoos? Part of me also feels like if someone has a sleeve they're kind of past the point of caring what others think so it may not bother her as much as it bothers you.

Or, like @DrillSergeantCat suggested, get all the BMs fake sleeve tattoos! (Only half serious, but would be hilarious!)

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76

Hi ahoywedding. My mom and I both talked to my sister and she has absolutely no problem covering up her tattoos. She covers then up at every family gathering, even when it's 100 degrees. She does it put of respect for those that don't like tattoos and to avoid family drama. My grandparents think any tattoo is ugly, regardless.

climbingsingle

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76 said:

Hi ahoywedding. My mom and I both talked to my sister and she has absolutely no problem covering up her tattoos. She covers then up at every family gathering, even when it's 100 degrees. She does it put of respect for those that don't like tattoos and to avoid family drama. My grandparents think any tattoo is ugly, regardless.

So you'll be covering up your own tattoos? 

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76

Yes climbingwife. All of mine will be covered

LondonLisa

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76 said:

Hi ahoywedding. My mom and I both talked to my sister and she has absolutely no problem covering up her tattoos. She covers then up at every family gathering, even when it's 100 degrees. She does it put of respect for those that don't like tattoos and to avoid family drama. My grandparents think any tattoo is ugly, regardless.

Then why not let her decide what she wants to wear.  This is where you need to let go of your matchy-matchy vision and let all the BMs choose what makes them comfortable.  Just pick a colour and let all BMs know that they can also wear a wrap/cardigan if they prefer. 

JediElizabeth

I can understand where you're coming from, Knottie#s. In her 40s, my mom covered up an ankle tattoo from her dad for years in order to avoid drama. Even now, more than a decade after he first found out about it, he still has something to say every time he sees it. 

Would a sheer sleeve work? That might cover up enough while still leaving your ladies cool enough for a summer wedding. Something like this:

http://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/4583884?pathAlias=1-state-chiffon-fit-flare-dress

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76

LondonLisa, I actually prefer to let my bridemaids pick their own dresses, but wanted opinions on sleeves for my sister. Absolutely none of the places I have looked have sleeves with shorter dresses. My sister is my MOH and was going to have a different dress regardless 

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76

JediElizabeth, sheer would definitely work! They don't have to be completely covered up, just not the center of attention so that my family members point it out and ask questions. She is ultimately going to pick out what she is wearing, I just want to see different options and have ideas. Thank you!

flantastic

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76 said:

LondonLisa, I actually prefer to let my bridemaids pick their own dresses, but wanted opinions on sleeves for my sister. Absolutely none of the places I have looked have sleeves with shorter dresses. My sister is my MOH and was going to have a different dress regardless 

This doesn't actually change her advice. When she says "let them pick their own dresses," she means it. Don't give guidelines. They don't even have to be a traditional bridesmaid dress. I'm sure all your BMs, including your sister, can find a dress that they like, with whatever sleeve length they like. You can pick a color if you absolutely must, but you're hamstringing yourself by keeping to bridal salons. Open it up. Say "navy and knee length" and let them roll with it. Your sister can choose long sleeves or not from a dress at Macy's.

ahoywedding

JediElizabeth said:

I can understand where you're coming from, Knottie#s. In her 40s, my mom covered up an ankle tattoo from her dad for years in order to avoid drama. Even now, more than a decade after he first found out about it, he still has something to say every time he sees it. 

Would a sheer sleeve work? That might cover up enough while still leaving your ladies cool enough for a summer wedding. Something like this:

http://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/4583884?pathAlias=1-state-chiffon-fit-flare-dress

That's gorgeous! Something with lace would also work, if you're just trying to make them less visible. There are a lot of cute summer dresses with lace sleeves. Do her tattoos taper off towards her wrist? She may be able to get away with a 3/4 length sleeve and some chunky jewelry. (A lot of my coworkers have wrist tattoos and have a healthy supply of jewelry to cover them up at work).

She also could use some kind of wrap during the ceremony, and then discard during the reception, if that wouldn't give grandma a heart attack  

MobKaz

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76 said:

JediElizabeth, sheer would definitely work! They don't have to be completely covered up, just not the center of attention so that my family members point it out and ask questions. She is ultimately going to pick out what she is wearing, I just want to see different options and have ideas. Thank you!

Perhaps by not covering her tattoos, she would get questions.  Asking questions is not a bad thing.  It is often the reason someone transitions from ignorance to acceptance, or at least tolerance.

Knottiece16ab8fd6bdfe76

Ahoywedding I was thinking sheer or lace as well! her sleeve goes from shoulder to wrist, so I don't know about 3/4 sleeve. She usually wears full length sleeves at family functions.

I saw some custom dresses that have detachable sleeves that were made afterwards... I was thinking that or a wrap would be good too so she isn't stuck with less options. Sh can find a short sleeve/strapless dress she likes and maybe go from there?

kwiksilver

What about a lace bolero?  My cousin wore one with her strapless dress because she's self conscious about her arms.  Then your sister could take it off if/when she wanted.

CMGragain

I can sympathize with OP.  I strongly dislike tattoos, personally.  I would never say anything to someone who had one because that would be rude.
I judge people who have offensive tattoos.  We have tattoo parlors here that openly refuse to do them.  There is nothing cute about a pile of poop.  Swastikas are also taboo.  Many shops will not do the Confederate Battle Flag, either, or anything that suggests racism or bigotry.  As a person who is fighting death, any designs that glorify it, such as skulls or zombies, are offensive to me, though you can easily get them from any tattoo parlor.
If you choose to decorate your body with tattoos, that is your own business, but demanding that everyone approves of your choice is going too far.  Don't come and show me your latest body art and expect me to coo over it, because I won't.
As for the bridesmaid, it sounds like she is a nice and reasonable person who has made some errors in judgement.  I hope she finds something nice to wear at the wedding.

I have a friend who is in the business of tattoo removal.  She always has more work than she can easily schedule.

LondonLisa

CMGragain said:

I can sympathize with OP.  I strongly dislike tattoos, personally.  I would never say anything to someone who had one because that would be rude.
I judge people who have offensive tattoos.  We have tattoo parlors here that openly refuse to do them.  There is nothing cute about a pile of poop.  Swastikas are also taboo.  Many shops will not do the Confederate Battle Flag, either, or anything that suggests racism or bigotry.  As a person who is fighting death, any designs that glorify it, such as skulls or zombies, are offensive to me, though you can easily get them from any tattoo parlor.
If you choose to decorate your body with tattoos, that is your own business, but demanding that everyone approves of your choice is going too far.  Don't come and show me your latest body art and expect me to coo over it, because I won't.
As for the bridesmaid, it sounds like she is a nice and reasonable person who has made some errors in judgement.  I hope she finds something nice to wear at the wedding.

I have a friend who is in the business of tattoo removal.  She always has more work than she can easily schedule.

Surely you aren't equating people being offended by hundreds of years of human slavery/institutionalised racism/ nazi death camps and white supremacy with being offended at an emoji that you just don't like? Hate tattoos are a way of outwardly expressing your politics and beliefs. That tattoo is an outward way to tell minorities that they deserve to die and be treated as subhuman, and that person will fight for it. It's a very real threat. Just look how many Nazis are in American politics right now to understand how active and scary that threat is. Then you can absolutely choose not to associate with them. A poop emoji is just a dumb phone thing. But, you know, totally the same as calls for genocide...

But no one here is talking about hate tattoos. Just because it isn't to your taste doesn't mean you have a right to comment on it. 

I dislike corset-back dresses. They're just not to my taste. It doesn't give me the right to publicly comment on another adult's attire. I admit they look good on others, but it's just not my style. I'm not going to insist the bride covers up something that makes her happy because of my sensibilities. 

I am sorry that you are battling cancer, but that does not give you a monopoly on death or death/related imagery. I know plenty of people who have skull tattoos because they have lost loved-ones or survived near-death experiences and it reminds them of how fleeting life is. Mexican Dìa de los Muertos does this. I understand it affects you in a personal way, but you cannot expect the entire world to cater to your taste or sensibilities when they're clearly not universal. 

However, There are things that are a matter of personal taste and things that are offensive. Of course racist/neonazi/confederate imagery is offensive. But someone else's tattoos (that don't include hate speech) that aren't to your taste doesn't mean she made a bad life choice or should be shamed. 

Life is too short to judge others for how they want to look, especially if it has no affect on you. Her tattoos aren't hateful or calling for a genocide, so maybe just turn your head 10 degrees to the left or right if it offends you so much. The 'do what you want but don't rub it in my face' is the defense used by homophobes. Just. Don't. Look! 

So much judgement and scorn seems fairly exhausting, if I'm honest. 

DrillSergeantCat

LondonLisa said:

CMGragain said:

I can sympathize with OP.  I strongly dislike tattoos, personally.  I would never say anything to someone who had one because that would be rude.
I judge people who have offensive tattoos.  We have tattoo parlors here that openly refuse to do them.  There is nothing cute about a pile of poop.  Swastikas are also taboo.  Many shops will not do the Confederate Battle Flag, either, or anything that suggests racism or bigotry.  As a person who is fighting death, any designs that glorify it, such as skulls or zombies, are offensive to me, though you can easily get them from any tattoo parlor.
If you choose to decorate your body with tattoos, that is your own business, but demanding that everyone approves of your choice is going too far.  Don't come and show me your latest body art and expect me to coo over it, because I won't.
As for the bridesmaid, it sounds like she is a nice and reasonable person who has made some errors in judgement.  I hope she finds something nice to wear at the wedding.

I have a friend who is in the business of tattoo removal.  She always has more work than she can easily schedule.

Surely you aren't equating people being offended by hundreds of years of human slavery/institutionalised racism/ nazi death camps and white supremacy with being offended at an emoji that you just don't like? Hate tattoos are a way of outwardly expressing your politics and beliefs. That tattoo is an outward way to tell minorities that they deserve to die and be treated as subhuman, and that person will fight for it. It's a very real threat. Just look how many Nazis are in American politics right now to understand how active and scary that threat is. Then you can absolutely choose not to associate with them. A poop emoji is just a dumb phone thing. But, you know, totally the same as calls for genocide...

But no one here is talking about hate tattoos. Just because it isn't to your taste doesn't mean you have a right to comment on it. 

I dislike corset-back dresses. They're just not to my taste. It doesn't give me the right to publicly comment on another adult's attire. I admit they look good on others, but it's just not my style. I'm not going to insist the bride covers up something that makes her happy because of my sensibilities. 

I am sorry that you are battling cancer, but that does not give you a monopoly on death or death/related imagery. I know plenty of people who have skull tattoos because they have lost loved-ones or survived near-death experiences and it reminds them of how fleeting life is. Mexican Dìa de los Muertos does this. I understand it affects you in a personal way, but you cannot expect the entire world to cater to your taste or sensibilities when they're clearly not universal. 

However, There are things that are a matter of personal taste and things that are offensive. Of course racist/neonazi/confederate imagery is offensive. But someone else's tattoos (that don't include hate speech) that aren't to your taste doesn't mean she made a bad life choice or should be shamed. 

Life is too short to judge others for how they want to look, especially if it has no affect on you. Her tattoos aren't hateful or calling for a genocide, so maybe just turn your head 10 degrees to the left or right if it offends you so much. The 'do what you want but don't rub it in my face' is the defense used by homophobes. Just. Don't. Look! 

So much judgement and scorn seems fairly exhausting, if I'm honest. 

@LondonLisa you said exactly what I was thinking in a better way than I ever could have. 

climbingsingle

CMGragain said:

I can sympathize with OP.  I strongly dislike tattoos, personally.  I would never say anything to someone who had one because that would be rude.
I judge people who have offensive tattoos.  We have tattoo parlors here that openly refuse to do them.  There is nothing cute about a pile of poop.  Swastikas are also taboo.  Many shops will not do the Confederate Battle Flag, either, or anything that suggests racism or bigotry.  As a person who is fighting death, any designs that glorify it, such as skulls or zombies, are offensive to me, though you can easily get them from any tattoo parlor.
If you choose to decorate your body with tattoos, that is your own business, but demanding that everyone approves of your choice is going too far.  Don't come and show me your latest body art and expect me to coo over it, because I won't.
As for the bridesmaid, it sounds like she is a nice and reasonable person who has made some errors in judgement.  I hope she finds something nice to wear at the wedding.

I have a friend who is in the business of tattoo removal.  She always has more work than she can easily schedule.

It's really amazing how you're able to make every thread you post in entirely about yourself. 

I can guarantee you that most people that get tattoos don't do it for other people to "coo" over them. This is so obtuse. Really. 

kwiksilver

CMGragain said:

I can sympathize with OP.  I strongly dislike tattoos, personally.  I would never say anything to someone who had one because that would be rude.
I judge people who have offensive tattoos.  We have tattoo parlors here that openly refuse to do them.  There is nothing cute about a pile of poop.  Swastikas are also taboo.  Many shops will not do the Confederate Battle Flag, either, or anything that suggests racism or bigotry.  As a person who is fighting death, any designs that glorify it, such as skulls or zombies, are offensive to me, though you can easily get them from any tattoo parlor.
If you choose to decorate your body with tattoos, that is your own business, but demanding that everyone approves of your choice is going too far.  Don't come and show me your latest body art and expect me to coo over it, because I won't.
As for the bridesmaid, it sounds like she is a nice and reasonable person who has made some errors in judgement.  I hope she finds something nice to wear at the wedding.

I have a friend who is in the business of tattoo removal.  She always has more work than she can easily schedule.

So because you don't like tattoos, getting them implies an error in judgment??  Are you serious right now?  

I don't demand anyone approve of my tattoos, but I do expect them to treat me politely and keep their judgments to themselves.  I certainly don't expect anyone to "coo" over them.