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Husband says I'm being irrational?

My next door neighbor just told us that he is planning to expand his three car garage to a larger garage by bumping out the rear, and to move his work shed into the middle of his backyard.
We have half acre lots with gorgeous views of the Colorado National Monument.  This will change with the large shed moved to the back of his house, directly next to our property.  We already tolerate a large trailer parked between our houses.
I am friends with his wife.  They are nice people.  It was nice of him to give us warning.  The architectural committee will have to approve all of this, but there are no specific rules that say that he can't fill up his back yard with extra garage space and a big tool shed.
My DH says I am being ridiculous.  I don't want to discuss it with our friends because I am so upset, and I don't want them to see me like this.  I really love this house.  I don't understand why he bought a house in a neighborhood like this one if he really wanted a country workplace.
Am I irrational?
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Re: Husband says I'm being irrational?

  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 15
    Yeah, I'm doing that to DH right now, and he doesn't like it!  He also told our neighbor that he was not happy with the plans, but in a mild way.
    Maybe the architectural committee will raise objections.  DH is neighborhood association president, so we really aren't in a position to intervene.
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  • SP29SP29
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    I can see why you dislike the plans- I get it, I don't like STUFF everywhere either. But unless the architectural society (or city where he applies for a permit to make these changes, if he needs permits) tells him no, unfortunately he can do what he wants with his property.

    Is there somewhere else his tool shed could reasonably go? If so, would you feel comfortable making the suggestion? I think since he told you of his plans to make a change, it would be fine to say, "Have you thought about putting your shed HERE instead? It would really keep the view of the monument clear".
    charlotte989875short+sassythisismynickname2
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 15



    SP29 said:



    I can see why you dislike the plans- I get it, I don't like STUFF everywhere either. But unless the architectural society (or city where he applies for a permit to make these changes, if he needs permits) tells him no, unfortunately he can do what he wants with his property.

    Is there somewhere else his tool shed could reasonably go? If so, would you feel comfortable making the suggestion? I think since he told you of his plans to make a change, it would be fine to say, "Have you thought about putting your shed HERE instead? It would really keep the view of the monument clear".






    He already owns the shed, and it has been in place for more than 10 years.  He has to move it because of the garage bump out plans.  The new garage will be larger than their house.   I have no idea what the neighbors on his other side think, but I'll bet they are unhappy, too.  I don't want to make trouble for anyone.  I just want them to change their minds.  Not in my power. :'(  How do I face the wife?  I don't want to cry at her.
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  • I don't think you're being irrational at all. I do think you should not talk to his wife until you have a handle on your emotions. Is this shed really completely blocking your view? 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 15
    We have a view from the front yard.  We will lose the back view.  Neighbor just staked out where the shed is going.  Right in the middle of his backyard, and it is as big a shed as the community allows.  You could park a small car in it.  DH did remind him of the "set back" rules that apply to shed in this neighborhood.  They can't put it on the property line, or very close to it.
    These are nice people.  They just have different tastes.  Mr. Neighbor lived on a farm all his life, and is used to bigger spaces.   I will stop being so friendly.  Sad.  I just can't let the wife see how upset I am.
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    CMGragain said:

    We have a view from the front yard.  We will lose the back view.  Neighbor just staked out where the shed is going.  Right in the middle of his backyard, and it is as big a shed as the community allows.  You could park a small car in it.  DH did remind him of the "set back" rules that apply to shed in this neighborhood.  They can't put it on the property line, or very close to it.
    These are nice people.  They just have different tastes.  Mr. Neighbor lived on a farm all his life, and is used to bigger spaces.   I will stop being so friendly.  Sad.  I just can't let the wife see how upset I am.


    I don't think anyone suggested that. I'm sure the emotions will pass - you don't have to change your entire relationship with your neighbor's wife. If you really feel like bursting into tears when you see her a few weeks from now, I don't think the shed is the problem.

    That is too bad about the view, though. I can't deal with ranch houses in the area we're looking, because they take up practically the whole lot. I don't understand why you wouldn't want the yard.

    Anniversary

  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 16
    I get what you are saying.  I really have loved this house for the past ten years.  This really affects how I feel about it.

    I have a history about this.  Many years ago, a neighbor brought out a concrete mixer and poured concrete covering his front lawn so his son (not living with them) could park his boat on it.  Son wasn't allowed to keep the boat in his own neighborhood, so he parked it in Dad's yard, instead, which was directly across from our front door.  The city had told Dad that he couldn't keep the boat on his lawn, so his solution was to turn it into a parking lot.  When we questioned that neighbor, he responded with profanity.   We stopped speaking.  We sold the house and moved to a neighborhood that had rules about big boats parked in front yards.  (Heard later that son got divorced a year later, and the boat was auctioned.  The concrete front pad stayed for 20 years.)  The boat looked a lot like this one.
    Image result for image cigarette boat
    I am probably still hurting from that incident all those years ago.  This isn't nearly so bad as that.  I just wish DH would stop yelling.  He is unhappy, too, but doesn't understand my emotions.

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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
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    In my experience (as a journalist who did some reporting on local government, so I know a fair bit about municipal codes, although not Colorado specifically), when committees have to approve stuff like this, it's usually a public process with public comment allowed. I can't imagine they're allowed to just approve or deny stuff without any input. Can you find out and then give public comment to the committee about how it would affect you?

    charlotte989875MairePoppyshort+sassySP29
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    In my experience (as a journalist who did some reporting on local government, so I know a fair bit about municipal codes, although not Colorado specifically), when committees have to approve stuff like this, it's usually a public process with public comment allowed. I can't imagine they're allowed to just approve or deny stuff without any input. Can you find out and then give public comment to the committee about how it would affect you?


    And affect the property values of those who lose the view. Money talks.

    Anniversary

  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 16






    In my experience (as a journalist who did some reporting on local government, so I know a fair bit about municipal codes, although not Colorado specifically), when committees have to approve stuff like this, it's usually a public process with public comment allowed. I can't imagine they're allowed to just approve or deny stuff without any input. Can you find out and then give public comment to the committee about how it would affect you?






    I know all about the codes for this neighborhood  because I helped write them.  They are rather lenient.  Metal sheds are prohibited, and any exterior changes will have to be approved by the architectural committee.  No boats, trailers or RVS allowed to be kept in the driveway, but they may be kept in the backyard (Groan!) if shielded by privacy fencing.  Lots of fuss about this rule!  No more than one shed is allowed per dwelling.  No more than three pets per dwelling, and they have three poodles.
    Since the shed is preexisting, it has already been approved.  He doesn't need approval to move it. :(
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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    I know very little of such situations.  However, what does he do/have that requires not only such a large work shed, but such a large garage?  Would there be any zoning laws regarding the usage of these buildings that might prevent their creation?
    southernbelle0915
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 16



    MobKaz said:



    I know very little of such situations.  However, what does he do/have that requires not only such a large work shed, but such a large garage?  Would there be any zoning laws regarding the usage of these buildings that might prevent their creation?






    He is a hobbyist with a lot of wood working equipment.  No basements here.  Their house has three bedrooms and two baths with a great room/kitchen area.  I know they bought it for the same view, which they are now denying to us.  Like I said, he lived all his life on a farm which they sold recently.  He isn't used to having close neighbors.
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  • I have two thoughts. 

    One, if your husband is yelling at you for having feelings, he's being a jerk. 

    Two, if you've had a friendly relationship with him before, it might be worth asking, nicely and without tears, if there is anyway he would consider not having the shed because it blocks your views. If it's really worth a lot to you to not have the shed there, you might consult with a real estate attorney about buying an easement to prevent sheds in the yard (not at all representing this will be a legal option for you, much too complex to get into here). Does he want the shed? Or would 10k cash be a good alternative?
    charlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    Well, DH is known for being a jerk occasionally.  Not that he will admit it.  Thank you for the validation.  It helps.
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  • You mention that there are setback rules, but are there any rules for the amount of covered ground/impervious area per lot?  If he already has a three bedroom ranch with a garage and shed, it is possible this expansion would cover too much ground and require a variance from the local municipality.  That would then give you a chance to speak your voice also.

    I understand your frustrations, our HOA has an "architecture review committee" but since we are still a new development and most of the lots are undeveloped the board doesn't actually exist...its just one person from a property management company who says yay/nay.  The person in charge pretty much approves anything and we have no say in it unless they need to challenge an existing regulation within our HOA Bylaws or Township Code.  Even our executive board is just one elected person at this point.

    At the end of the day, I can really understand where you are coming from.  The reason people move into communities with HOAs/strict municipal codes is to protect the aesthetics of the area.  If I didn't care how many car parts my neighbor had on their lawn I would have moved someplace that didn't charge me an extra fee each month...so I think you have every right to be upset over the loss of your view.  But on the flip side, I am also a big proponent of people being allowed to do whatever they want within their yards provided it is safe/legal.  While I may not like the look of a 6 foot tall PVC fence, I understand that the person next door has every right to install one. 

    My advice, is to have your feelings but to keep them to yourself/vent here.  When you're calm enough to talk about this without getting upset maybe ask your neighbor if they could work out a way to preserve your view.  I think purposely being mean is kinda petty and childish.  At the end of the day, if they are following all the rules and regulations they aren't doing anything wrong.  Also, if this really bothers you, perhaps you could petition to have the regulations amended, if not to protect your view, to at least prevent this from happening to others.

    charlotte989875short+sassyCMGragain
  • I'd be pissed if someone was changing the view of my house I worked hard to pay for. If it's this big surely it's affecting the other neighbors too? Like PPs said calm down and talk, and maybe like @STARMOON44 suggested offer $ to keep things where they are or at least not obstruct your view. And tell your DH you are entitled to your feelings. 
    short+sassy
  • This really sounds like more of an issue with your HOA. Our HOA doesn't allow people to park their boats or trailers in their driveways for extended periods of time. I don't think that's atypical either - at least not around us. Our HOA also doesn't allow free standing sheds. I don't know for sure, but I also doubt they would allow someone to pave their entire front yard with concrete. 

    Do you attend your association meetings? Have you read the bylaws? If not, I would start there. If they don't allow these things, ask them to send your neighbor a notice. If they do allow these things, then advocate to change the things you want to change. 

    Limiting friendship/communication with these people is a sure way to have them NOT listen to you when you need to be heard...not generally advised when it comes to your next door neighbors. Keep the friendship. Then pick your battles. 
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  • CMGragain said:





    MobKaz said:




    I know very little of such situations.  However, what does he do/have that requires not only such a large work shed, but such a large garage?  Would there be any zoning laws regarding the usage of these buildings that might prevent their creation?








    He is a hobbyist with a lot of wood working equipment.  No basements here.  Their house has three bedrooms and two baths with a great room/kitchen area.  I know they bought it for the same view, which they are now denying to us.  Like I said, he lived all his life on a farm which they sold recently.  He isn't used to having close neighbors.


    I think what MobKaz was getting at was....is he possibly selling any of the items he sells? If he's using the shed for business purposes, you could possibly block some of this if your neighborhood is zoned residential (I would assume it is since you have an HOA, etc).

    I totally understand being upset about it though. Our house has a great view of a lake but from our upstairs bedroom windows we look directly into our neighbors' yard that is full. of. junk. Is there any chance once you've cooled off a little bit to have a discussion with your friends? Maybe you can salvage the relationship at least.
    MobKaz
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 16
    Thank you, friends.  I really can't talk about this with anyone in the neighborhood.  I am mourning the future loss of our beautiful view.  I have recovered from the shock, but I am terribly sad.

    Our house is on a corner lot at the far end of the neighborhood.  Our monument view is unique.  No one else will be impacted by our neighbors' renovations.

    My neighbor has a perfect right to control his property.  If the architectural committee and the city approves his plans, he has the right to proceed.  While I have no right to tell him what he can or cannot do with his property, his decision does impact us.  It takes away something that we love.  DH has calmed down and admitted that he is also upset about the change, but doesn't think that there is anything we can do about it.

    Thank you for being here for me to vent.  I had a luncheon/club meeting today that I chose not to attend because other neighbors would be there, and I didn't trust myself to put on a happy face.  I feel so isolated.  Part of me feels guilty for being so upset about this at all.  There are people in this world with much bigger problems.

    Usually, when depression hits big time, I find something nice to do for someone else.  I need to find a needy, hurting person and help them.  Thanks, everybody.
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    MobKazcharlotte989875
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    This really sucks. The last addition I lived in that had an HOA had language to protect neighbors views. You say your view is unique, but does no one else have a view?
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited May 22




    This really sucks. The last addition I lived in that had an HOA had language to protect neighbors views. You say your view is unique, but does no one else have a view?




    As I said, we are on the farthest corner lot in the neighborhood.  Our neighbor's lot is between ours and the monument.  Everybody else is on his other side.  Many people in our development do not have the spectacular views we have, even though they are actually closer to it.  Lots of trees can block views, too.  This is why we bought the house ten years ago.
    There is no language in the HOA to forbid blocking a view except that we cannot add a second story to our homes.  These are all ranch houses.
    Still very sad.  They know we are upset.  I think they heard me crying.  We haven't talked about it to anybody.
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