Boy, is it wedding season
Q. Should I go to this wedding and end a friendship?: A friend going back several years is getting married. We have not been as close recently, and I do not care for her husband-to-be or his friends. I care about her but can’t help but feel that she is constantly creating situations where she will be disappointed by her friendships. The most recent is her telling me that, because accommodations are limited, I would need to share a room at the hotel where the wedding is with another “friend” everyone despises (including by her own admission, the bride) but that it was OK if I couldn’t make it. Is this stressed-out bride behavior, or should I use this as an opportunity to formally change the nature of our relationship?
And this one takes the cake (no pun intended).
Q. Wedding faux pas?: I recently attended a wedding of one of my husband’s college friends. He’s not someone that we see often, but we encounter him and his bride two or three times a year at parties, are friends on Facebook, etc. Anyways, I wore a blue dress to the ceremony, and it turns out that the bride’s wedding colors were royal blue. Her bridesmaids wore the color, the close family wore the color. I had no idea. Other than a wedding invitation, we never had any contact with them prior to the event since a summer BBQ where dress codes were not discussed. It seems that she casually told some of her friends not to wear blue, and I didn’t get the message. She was apparently horrified that I had worn “her color.” Another woman also wore blue and got the same treatment.
At the start of the reception, she stomped over and said very loudly that she couldn’t believe I had worn her color. It was really embarrassing, but it was her wedding day so I apologized, said that I had no idea and that the whole day was beautiful. She stomped off in a huff, and eventually her husband came over and said that she was really upset and that seeing my dress was detracting from her having fun. He wanted to know whether I could change. A friend loaned me a long black sweater and I put it on over the dress. Later, the bride pointed me out (while using a microphone) and said “she’s not invited.” Later in the night, she came up to me AGAIN to tell me how this had shattered her day. At this point, my patience was wearing a little thin. We said our goodbyes. This morning, I woke up to being tagged in a rant about guest etiquette on Facebook and an email from the groom asking me to apologize again. I responded, copying his wife, reiterating my original message in a bland way (sorry, I didn’t know. I appreciated them letting me know and hopefully wearing the world’s largest sweater had mitigated it. It was a lovely day. Have a nice life). This woman has gone from generically fine to totally unhinged in my book. We’re going to see them again at a BBQ in about a month (it’s at our house, otherwise I’d skip it). I’m wondering how to handle this situation, especially since I just got a call from a mutual friend saying that she called her sobbing about how this had really cast a pall over her day. At this point, I don’t want to fuel the fire or ever engage again, but I’m stumped—because she seems excited to have a dead horse to beat.
Re: Boy, is it wedding season
Q2: What the ever-loving what?! Seriously that bride is unhinged and I would have put my foot down the minute the groom asked me to change. Go to the BBQ if she brings it up tell her she's being ridiculous and move on.
1) I wouldn't go. I'd send a gift and well wishes and would simply say that it's not going to work to attend but hopefully you can get together at some point after the wedding.
2) Nooooo fucking way. Not going to happen. How is she going to have a BBQ at her house with these people invited? The invitation would be rescinded. The couple were rude to her at their wedding, made her feel badly for no legitimate reason and continued the tirade over social media to shame the woman over a dress color. If my husband wanted to continue his friendship with the groom on his own time that's great but neither one of them would be welcome within my property lines without a profuse apology.
If the color of my dress had that much power over her wedding day, I cannot imagine what that marriage will look like. And I would also tell them that, because I would give zero fucks at that point.
Also, I would hope DH would sever all ties with that "friend," because that's no way for a friend to treat another friend's SO.
But that's just me, and I already know I'm a terrible person.
2) You've apologized twice. She's trashed you in public and on social media for the color of your dress. She's the one who owes you an apology. If I were you, I'd send an email to her and the her husband explaining that they are no longer invited to the BBQ at your home unless you receive an apology since she has so badly embarrassed you.
WTF is wrong with people?
For the first letter, why would the LW HAVE to share a room? I need a little more info on that to best determine if the bride is only egregious or outrageously egregious. It's almost hitting me like the LW already has the room booked and is being voluntold she HAS to house another wedding guest in there. And that her second option isn't, "No thanks, I don't want to share a room." It's, "Don't come to the wedding if you won't share a room." Especially since it isn't a close friend anyway, I think I'd just take that latter option and let this "friendship" die away.
Time to go full b**ch on the bride in the second letter and tell it to her like it is. If the BBQ is at their house, I'd uninvite her and her H because of the bride's bad mouthing and embarrassing her at the wedding. If the LW doesn't feel she can un-invite her, when the bride brings up the stupid blue color at the BBQ...because you know she will...I'd tell her, "There is something seriously wrong with you if you actually feel that my wearing blue ruined or impacted your wedding day in any way. You need to grow the f**k up before life actually gets hard. It's really just the saddest thing that you are hanging on to something so inconsequential in regards to the day you married your SOUL MATE!!! I can only assume how hurt your husband must be by this, though he isn't going to say that to you."
Why oh god's green earth is that lunatic still invited to their house? Obviously LW isn't going to uninvite her because she apparently lacks a spine.
So instead, she should wear the same dress she wore to that chick's wedding. And she should invite anyone who agrees with the ridiculousness to also wear royal blue. The plates and napkins should be blue. The tablecloths blue. The signs blue. She should serve blue raspberry lemonade, bleu cheese dip, black & bleu burgers, put blue toothpicks in the hor d'oeuvres, and serve everything on blue platters. Entertainment by the Blue Man Group or a blues band. EVERYTHING BLUE!!
as long as it's not the Smurfs. there's a big difference.
FTR, i love this idea.
Good lord, some people are so freaking entitled. It's a goddamn color, it's not like this guest showed up in a blue copy of the bride's wedding dress.
Yassssss.
And she can play this song on repeat throughout the BBQ (or at least when BSC Bride arrives):
It didn't end up working out, but given the history I was unfortunately not surprised.
{for reference - about 80% of the time they co-parent really well, the other 20% he's a douche.}
Q2 - wtf. Honestly I was excited when people opted to wear the same colours as my wedding! Something about it made it feel that much more special.
That bride is bat shit and LW needs to do what @southernbelle0915 said lmao
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE2eEjTfTeQ
That's song's been playing in my head since I read the OP. LOL!
Q1- Make your own arrangements. If you choose to end the friendship now, own it. You're allowed to end any friendships you want. You're an adult. Don't pass it off to disliking her husband or being "forced" to share a room.
Q2- Goodness gracious. Crazy crazy crazy.
If it makes you feel better, I'm not sure how I embedded the video either. I just pasted a link and voila! There it was. I'm using Chrome, so maybe that's it?