Addressing envelopes when you're bad with names?

prettypixelz

My invitations are here and ready to be addressed and sent out, but I've run into a few snags while writing my guest list...For instance, my fiancee's parents have lost track of how many kids some of his aunts and uncles have, or their names, and so forth. I've also realized there are people I've known my whole life by one name, that isn't necessarily their legal name, but is the name they've always gone by regardless. There are children whose parents are divorced and I'm not sure if they've still got their father's surnames or not.

Basically, I have a base understanding of who I'm inviting, so is it okay to just write their names informally (like the friends and family they are), and assume they'll know what do from there? I will only be addressing the envelopes, the invites are as-is. And my RSVP's instruct people to just tell me how many people they're bringing, so I assume that they would assume they can bring whoever they please.

I know most brides here don't advise allowing the guests to choose who they're bringing, but I did that on purpose. My wedding guest list is small, and much of my family lives halfway across the country and won't be coming (I'm sending them invites as a courtesy). I really doubt it'll get out of hand, as generally people don't just invite all their friends and coworkers to a distant family-member's wedding.

southernbelle0915

prettypixelz said:

My invitations are here and ready to be addressed and sent out, but I've run into a few snags while writing my guest list...For instance, my fiancee's parents have lost track of how many kids some of his aunts and uncles have, or their names, and so forth. I've also realized there are people I've known my whole life by one name, that isn't necessarily their legal name, but is the name they've always gone by regardless. There are children whose parents are divorced and I'm not sure if they've still got their father's surnames or not.

Basically, I have a base understanding of who I'm inviting, so is it okay to just write their names informally (like the friends and family they are), and assume they'll know what do from there? I will only be addressing the envelopes, the invites are as-is. And my RSVP's instruct people to just tell me how many people they're bringing, so I assume that they would assume they can bring whoever they please.

I know most brides here don't advise allowing the guests to choose who they're bringing, but I did that on purpose. My wedding guest list is small, and much of my family lives halfway across the country and won't be coming (I'm sending them invites as a courtesy). I really doubt it'll get out of hand, as generally people don't just invite all their friends and coworkers to a distant family-member's wedding.

Now would be a good time to find out people's names. You can offer to follow up on your FI's side of the family since it won't seem so...impersonal...as your MIL asking "what are your kids' names?" You can phrase it as "I want to make sure we address everyone appropriately on our wedding invitations, can you send me the proper spelling of everyone's name?" 

Regarding the nickname people, this kind of depends on the formality of your event. If you're having a formal wedding, you should address someone as John Smith - not "Smitty". Know what I mean? Perhaps your FI can take your side of the guest list if you're taking his. 

ahoywedding

prettypixelz said:

My invitations are here and ready to be addressed and sent out, but I've run into a few snags while writing my guest list...For instance, my fiancee's parents have lost track of how many kids some of his aunts and uncles have, or their names, and so forth. I've also realized there are people I've known my whole life by one name, that isn't necessarily their legal name, but is the name they've always gone by regardless. There are children whose parents are divorced and I'm not sure if they've still got their father's surnames or not.

Basically, I have a base understanding of who I'm inviting, so is it okay to just write their names informally (like the friends and family they are), and assume they'll know what do from there? I will only be addressing the envelopes, the invites are as-is. And my RSVP's instruct people to just tell me how many people they're bringing, so I assume that they would assume they can bring whoever they please.

I know most brides here don't advise allowing the guests to choose who they're bringing, but I did that on purpose. My wedding guest list is small, and much of my family lives halfway across the country and won't be coming (I'm sending them invites as a courtesy). I really doubt it'll get out of hand, as generally people don't just invite all their friends and coworkers to a distant family-member's wedding.

Okay so for the bolded...you should figure that out. Those are questions you should be able to find answers to. It's a 30 second text "Hey [friend], we're sending out wedding invites, how do you prefer to be addressed?" FI's family should be able to get his cousin's names.

For the informal names...do you mean like someone named Jennifer who goes by Jenny? I think that's fine, and that's how I addressed all of our invites as well. I'm not sure if this is etiquette approved, but I've gone by a shortened version of my legal name for decades and hate when a friend addresses me as my legal name (our invites didn't even include my legal name, gasp!). I figure if I appreciate being addressed by my preferred name, other people do as well.

I think you MAY want to set a limit for the number of guests each guest can bring. The reason for this is that so many vendors need your total headcount, and all of the budgeting is based on that number (or a rough estimate). If you get estimates for just the number of invites you're sending out (say 50), but you don't know how many guests each person is bringing, you could end up with a pretty expensive surprise, right before your wedding! Our final payment to the caterer was due a week ahead of time, but we had overestimated in the beginning (by a handful of people) so we weren't worrying because we knew we had enough left in the budget to cover it. You're going to end up either A. getting ridiculous estimates for a crapton of people or B. having to pay a bunch of extra money at a time when you probably don't want to. Your vendors may also not be happy if you get an estimate for like 200 people, knowing you're only inviting 50, as they plan and organize staffing based on those estimates. 

Also if any guest is in a relationship, you need to include the partner on the invite BY NAME.

CMGragain

prettypixelz said:

My invitations are here and ready to be

addressed and sent out, but I've run into a few snags while writing my guest list...For instance, my fiancee's parents have lost track of how many kids some of his aunts and uncles have, or their names, and so forth. I've also realized there are people I've known my whole life by one name, that isn't necessarily their legal name, but is the name they've always gone by regardless. There are children whose parents are divorced and I'm not sure if they've still got their father's surnames or not.

Basically, I have a base understanding of who I'm inviting, so is it okay to just write their names informally (like the friends and family they are), and assume they'll know what do from there? I will only be addressing the envelopes, the invites are as-is. And my RSVP's instruct people to just tell me how many people they're bringing, so I assume that they would assume they can bring whoever they please.

I know most brides here don't advise allowing the guests to choose who they're bringing, but I did that on purpose.  My wedding guest list is small, and much of my family lives

halfway across the country and won't be coming (I'm sending them invites as a courtesy). I really doubt it'll get out of hand, as generally people don't just invite all their friends and coworkers to a distant family-member's wedding.

You address your invitations so your GUESTS understand whom you are are inviting.  You must make it very clear.  Otherwise, your guests might be embarrassed if they misinterpret your invitation.  That would be a faux-pas on your part.

It is important that you do your homework and find out the names of all the people you wish to invite!  This is your obligation as a hostess.  It is rude to not do this.

*Barbie*

I'm voting for "Smitty et al." - you're paying for calligraphy by the letter, right?

lovesclimbing

I think it's fine to use their nickname if that's what they go by. There are a lot of people (my mom and some of my aunts are like this) who only ever go by a shortened version of their legal name. I don't see why you'd address an invitation to "Mr. Andrew Johnson" if he's literally only ever called Andrew on legal documents. 

ernursej

I would make an effort to find out the names of all the people you are inviting and put them on the invite. Anyone in a relationship should have their SO's name included. Anyone who isn't in a relationship doesn't have to be given a +1 but if you were okay with this, insert a little note letting them know that they are welcome to bring a guest.

I contacted a ton of people for their address. If you are already contacting people for their address, this would be an easy addition.