my fiance and his dad are super close and have a great relationship. I have never seen a father and son so close before so I thought it would be really sweet to suggest him as best man when my Fiance was deciding. A year later, I now know his father better and I am very worried about how he will act at our wedding.
I had never been to a party with him before but we just went to my fiance's cousin's wedding. MIL had said he doesn't do too well at parties but I now see this was a massive understatement. He HATES attention. Any kind of attention makes him very uncomfortable. He disappeared during cocktail hour and felt uncomfortable sitting at the table with us. Refused to dance, refused to talk to anyone. He snuck off to be by himself several times. I am worried that he will be very uncomfortable standing up in front of everyone.
I asked MIL if he was going to be ok standing up in front of everyone and she said he will have to find a way to be ok with it.
But that's all minor compared to how he acted with the photographer. for the family photos he gave the photographer a very hard time. Every family photo he is in at his home he is frowning or rolling his eyes and now I see why. When he did eventually get in for the family photos after arguing with the photographer like a little kid about how he didnt want to be in any photos, he would duck behind people or make faces. I understood the photographer had a schedule and was just trying to get through the list of people he needed pictures of. The photographer was not happy with him, and I thought it was so rude to the cousins there, especially the ones getting married.
I thought it was maybe a one-off but then the other day we went to another cousin's high school graduation. I was trying to take a family photo for the cousin who graduated and again he completely goofed off. I could not get a single decent photo with everyone because he ruined every shot he was in, either by ducking behind people or turning around.
Yesterday the family was over for a cook out and he and my MIL were laughing about how he ruined the photos at the wedding and gave the photographer a hard time. What a jerk, trying to take his picture! HAHAHA! (they think this is funny!??) This of course set off my anxiety. I asked him if he was going to be ok at our wedding next month. He said "Sure???" and immediately left the room. MIL smiled really wide at me and said that this is just the way he is with photos and we all accept it.
I have spent a lot of money on a good photographer because to me the photos are really really important. We are going to be on a tight schedule for taking photos before and after the ceremony because of our allotted time at the venue. Honestly, I dont care if he is not in any of the photos at all if it means we get good photos and it goes smoothly, I just want this to be as stress free as possible. As the best man and father of the groom, he is going to be in a lot of photos. I have NO IDEA how to handle this (or if I should handle it at all or just let it go). I am worried if I suggest he not take any pictures that this will hurt his feelings. I am also not sure how to talk to him or if I even should. We haven't been on the best of terms lately either. We live together while my fiance and I save money for a house and he jokes and teases me a lot which is stressful to me and feels mean - though I know he isnt meaning to be mean. I think his joking manner is the only way he knows how to be and is how he interacts with people but it's taking a toll on my anxiety - especially with how its going to affect the wedding. I realize this is probably on me to just accept how he is going to be for the wedding and the pictures. But I feel like he shouldnt be the best man. Since he doesnt want to do a toast, hates any kind of attention, has social anxiety at parties, and doesnt want to be in photos - but this is not my call to make and I feel like if I suggest he step down, it may come off as rude or mean on my part. This is his son's wedding, after all and I am trying to be respectful to him as well.