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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Can a Catholic deacon (specifically my father) marry me outside of the church?
Hi all,
My dad is currently in the process of becoming a Catholic deacon and has the ability to officiate weddings. I would LOVE to ask him to officiate my wedding, but we are planning on having the ceremony where we are having our reception - outside of the church at a restaurant/event center. (My fiancé is Greek Orthodox and after receiving a significant amount of pressure from his family, we've decided to not make the wedding focused on either religion.)
I'm curious if anyone has had similar issues/knows if this is possible.
Thanks!
My dad is currently in the process of becoming a Catholic deacon and has the ability to officiate weddings. I would LOVE to ask him to officiate my wedding, but we are planning on having the ceremony where we are having our reception - outside of the church at a restaurant/event center. (My fiancé is Greek Orthodox and after receiving a significant amount of pressure from his family, we've decided to not make the wedding focused on either religion.)
I'm curious if anyone has had similar issues/knows if this is possible.
Thanks!
Mari
Re: Can a Catholic deacon (specifically my father) marry me outside of the church?
Your father may be able to officiate your wedding from a secular and legal standpoint, but it would not be recognized within the Catholic community. His faith, role in his parish, and his ability to officiate a secular wedding are not tied together. What exactly do you see as the issue?
Ask your dad if he wants to officiant, then go through the process to see if he is legally able or how he can be legally able.
Either way your wedding will not be recognized by the Catholic Church. Which doesn't seem to be an issue, but wanted to add that.
On another note, your FILs have pressured your not to add religion to the ceremony. For whatever reason you caved. Is really asking your Catholic Deacon father to officiate really the way to go? I know he is your father and all, but having a Catholic deacon officiate is the complete opposite of not adding religion to your ceremony. Even if he isn't doing anything religiously specific, there could still be the perception by the in-laws.
Just something to think about.
OP said the pressure was to not focus on either religion. It sounds to me as if the IL's would prefer the B & G's ceremony be secular as opposed to focusing on one religion more than the other. The shame is that the bride and groom caved at all.
@mariiarocci, your issue is that you and your FI are not focused on making your wedding ceremony about who YOU are as a couple. If your IL's can pressure you on this, what else will they interfere with down the road?
To me, using the FOB, who is studying to be a Catholic deacon, is, in a way, focusing on that religion. Might not be the intention, but I can see the perception.
Agree and understand. Using FOB could easily be perceived as passive aggressive on the part of the bride. I am still struggling to understand just what OP's intent is for posting.
"I'm curious if anyone has had similar issues/knows if this is possible."
Is the issue caving to the FIL? Is the issue whether a FOB can officiate? Is it possible for a deacon to officiate at a secular ceremony? Calling @mariiarocci
To do this in a way that won't get him in trouble with his diocese, he needs to obtain a dispensation to have a wedding outside a church building. (If he does this, your marriage will be recognized by the Roman Catholic Church, but not the Greek Orthodox Church, because a Greek Orthodox wedding rite requires a priest to give a blessing.)
I don't think a dispensation is going to be granted on the grounds that you'd rather not have religion be the focus of the ceremony. That's not a good enough reason for the Church. Because there's a solution to the religious conflict - you could get married in a Greek Orthodox ceremony, where a priest would have to officiate (i.e. not your dad), and it would be recognized by both rites. I know someone who got a dispensation to have a ceremony in a secular location, but it was because they were Catholic and their FI was vehemently anti-Catholic - having a Catholic ceremony was a dealbreaker for him and his parents.
If you truly don't want religion involved and it's not just a splitting-the-difference peacekeeping measure, then I wouldn't put your dad in the position of asking. Just have the ceremony you want with a secular officiant. I think even if your dad were somehow willing to do this, I don't think he'd want to do a totally secular ceremony.
But if you haven't even brought this up with your dad, I'm not sure why you're asking. Are you trying to be sure that if you request this, you won't be pressuring him to break rules? Are you trying to find a cheap officiant? Do you think it'd be most meaningful to have a person close to you and legally able to perform weddings officiate?
I highly recommend reading the statement by the US Conference of Catholic Bishops "Pastoral Statement for Orthodox/Roman Catholic Marriages" for your arrangement as you're closer than you think to an agreement if you're open to the possibility of a church wedding. I'd also recommend meeting with both denominations priests at your home parishes instead of relying on Mom Guilt or have your father research this further to confirm as a marriage in either one is valid for the other without needing much of any special paperwork. Your biggest challenge is really likely going to be having a Catholic Deacon able to perform the ceremony outside of the church building.