It's seriously just a dream

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I’m in my 20s and have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Things are going very well, but this is my very first relationship, and as such I’m still figuring out how this is all supposed to work. We’re pretty good at communicating and we try to be very honest and open with each other. How open is one supposed to be in a relationship? I recently had a mildly erotic dream about a mutual friend of ours—in the dream it was the friend making a move on me, and I was very uncomfortable about it both during the dream and when I woke up. I don’t see it as a huge deal, because dreams are bizarre things, and while the friend is attractive, I am most definitely devoted to my boyfriend.

I find myself wanting to talk about it however, as I found it such an odd dream. Things are very secure between me and my boyfriend, but I know he has some insecurities from past relationships. However, not mentioning it almost feels like I have something to hide, as if I’m guilty about it. I really don’t think of the dream as a big deal, and my boyfriend knows how much I love him, but I don’t want to inadvertently hurt his feelings by mentioning it offhand. How do you balance being honest and open with a partner when feelings might be involved? How do you decide what’s OK to talk about and what’s better left unsaid, when honesty is a priority?

—Waking Life

DrillSergeantCat

If bf gets upset over a dream that you have no control over, you need to DTMF.

kimmiinthemitten

Not to mention, *if* it was just a dream, why are you so hung up on it?

6fsn

I hope I don't have to disclose Sex Dreams. I had some dandies during pregnancy 

MissKittyDanger

I've had sexual dreams about M's friends, but never told him. More cuz it's not like I'm about to leave him or act on it.
However, LW may be concerned because it makes one wonder if you're harbouring feelings for said person and mentioned that LW's bf has insecurities .....


LW, keep it to yourself and let it go

bleve0821

I tell DH everything, and I love that we have that kind of relationship. Obviously, I don't go into graphic details, but I feel like if I can't tell my own husband about the weird meaningless dreams I have over worry of how he'll respond, there's a trust issue on some level.  

But I'm also kind of a talk first ask questions later gal.

kimmiinthemitten

atomicblonde said:

I tell DH everything, and I love that we have that kind of relationship. Obviously, I don't go into graphic details, but I feel like if I can't tell my own husband about the weird meaningless dreams I have over worry of how he'll respond, there's a trust issue on some level.  

But I'm also kind of a talk first ask questions later gal.

I've had sex dreams about two exes and one coworker (which isn't even a subconscious attractiveness thing at all so that was real awkward!).  I haven't told H because I don't really want to know about his either.  I wouldn't be mad, and he wouldn't be mad, but I still don't need to know.

short+sassy

What a weird letter.  It's just a dream.  It's NBD.  And, no, LW shouldn't mention it to her b/f.  What would be the purpose?  Nothing.  Either he would think it is NBD also or he would feel disconcerted about it.  And it's not dishonest to not mention it.  Because we have no control over our dreams.

Heck, people don't even have memories of 90%+ of the dreams we have.  We tend to only "maybe" remember the dreams we had just before waking.

charlotte989875

Sounds like LW is not just navigating her first serious relationship but sexuality/feelings/herself in general. I don't tell H about my sex dreams; the majority of the times they're about him, but not always and it's not something I feel the need to share. 

There's nothing wrong with what LW is doing, she needs to come to terms with that. 

*Barbie*

I have some extremely weird, vivid dreams. I tell DK about them - usually because it's more of a WTF than anything. I've told him about sex dreams before - although I don't know that I've honestly had any about people that we know (if anything it's a celebrity). It's meaningless. 
I'd also question why she is so concerned to tell him - is it because she actually does like this other person, or is he so insecure?

ernursej

I think this is best left undiscussed with the BF. If she would like to discuss it with someone, find a therapist. It isn't wrong to have those dreams and wonder what they mean. It could be harmless, it could be exploratory or it could be something that needs to be examined for unmet needs.