Wedding Party

Pseudo Bridal Party?

Hi knotties! This is my first post about my tiny wedding. I apologize if someone has already posted about this, but I didn't see it anywhere!

I am in the early stages of planning (nothing booked yet) but I intend to have a private ceremony with only our parents, siblings, and siblings' SOs (about 10 people), followed by a larger casual reception with extended family and a few close friends (about 40-50). 

Because our ceremony will be so small, we aren't having a bridal party, but I'd like our siblings to feel special, and to get some group photos. My plan would be to get boutonnieres and corsages for all our family, ask our oldest siblings to sign the marriage certificate, give the others the option to do a reading, and request a color palette for outfit choices.  

My question is: how do I communicate all of this in a way that makes them feel honored and special rather than demoted? Does anyone have an idea of a cute way to ask them to participate, or another title we could give them that isn't as weighted as "bridesmaid"?

thank you!!

Re: Pseudo Bridal Party?

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited June 2017



    annhog said:



    Hi knotties! This is my first post about my tiny wedding. I apologize if someone has already posted about this, but I didn't see it anywhere!

    I am in the early stages of planning (nothing booked yet) but I intend to have a private ceremony with only our parents, siblings, and siblings' SOs (about 10 people), followed by a larger casual reception with extended family and a few close friends (about 40-50). 

    Because our ceremony will be so small, we aren't having a bridal party, but I'd like our siblings to feel special, and to get some group photos. My plan would be to get boutonnieres and corsages for all our family, ask our oldest siblings to sign the marriage certificate, give the others the option to do a reading, and request a color palette for outfit choices.  

    My question is: how do I communicate all of this in a way that makes them feel honored and special rather than demoted? Does anyone have an idea of a cute way to ask them to participate, or another title we could give them that isn't as weighted as "bridesmaid"?

    thank you!!






    Everything about your plans is fine except for asking your guests to wear certain colors.  They are not your bridesmaids, so you don't get to tell  them what to wear.  I'm sure the pictures will look fine!
    Your invitations will be to your wedding reception, with a simple enclosure card for the family members who will witness your ceremony.  We will be happy to help you with the wording.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44aurianna


  • Hi knotties! This is my first post about my tiny wedding. I apologize if someone has already posted about this, but I didn't see it anywhere!

    I am in the early stages of planning (nothing booked yet) but I intend to have a private ceremony with only our parents, siblings, and siblings' SOs (about 10 people), followed by a larger casual reception with extended family and a few close friends (about 40-50). 

    Because our ceremony will be so small, we aren't having a bridal party, but I'd like our siblings to feel special, and to get some group photos. My plan would be to get boutonnieres and corsages for all our family, ask our oldest siblings to sign the marriage certificate, give the others the option to do a reading, and request a color palette for outfit choices.  

    My question is: how do I communicate all of this in a way that makes them feel honored and special rather than demoted? Does anyone have an idea of a cute way to ask them to participate, or another title we could give them that isn't as weighted as "bridesmaid"?

    thank you!!


    Invited guest to a private ceremony is a perfect title. As is reader. Really with such few guests in attendance that's all you need to do. I love the idea of corsages/boutonnières and pictures. That sounds lovely. 

    Definitely dont ask ask them to coordinate their outfits or wear a particular color pattern. 
    STARMOON44short+sassy
  • knottie05b87fa853ef0d16knottie05b87fa853ef0d16 Ann Arbor, MI
    First Anniversary First Comment
    member
    Thanks everyone! I don't disagree about the attire thing, it's a big part of why I wanted to post. But I have to say that I think "Please wear light colors" is no more imposing than "black tie". And that I think it's a little silly that I could use the word bridesmaid and force everyone to spend $200 on something they'll never wear again. Definitely not saying you all are wrong or that I won't take the advice, but I just find myself analyzing all things wedding related these days! Thank you again! 


  • Thanks everyone! I don't disagree about the attire thing, it's a big part of why I wanted to post. But I have to say that I think "Please wear light colors" is no more imposing than "black tie". And that I think it's a little silly that I could use the word bridesmaid and force everyone to spend $200 on something they'll never wear again. Definitely not saying you all are wrong or that I won't take the advice, but I just find myself analyzing all things wedding related these days! Thank you again! 


    You are comparing apples and oranges.  "Black tie" describes the formality of an evening event, and tells the men that tuxedos are expected.  It doesn't mean that only the wedding party will wear tuxedos.  Very few weddings are black tie weddings.
    Telling your guests what to wear is RUDE.  It violates common etiquette.  Please don't do this.  I have known people to refuse invitations because they were insulted by a request like this one.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassyPrettyGirlLost
  • Think about your favorite photos. They are probably not (like @southernbelle0915  mentioned) where everyone is coordinated and matching. Maybe its at a family picnic, maybe its at bar, just hanging at a friends house, maybe it Christmas morning. Your favorite photos should be ones that remind you of what a great time you're having, and they probably all are wearing something different.


    sparklepants41InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member

    lnixon8 said:

    Think about your favorite photos. They are probably not (like @southernbelle0915  mentioned) where everyone is coordinated and matching. Maybe its at a family picnic, maybe its at bar, just hanging at a friends house, maybe it Christmas morning. Your favorite photos should be ones that remind you of what a great time you're having, and they probably all are wearing something different.


    My mom and SIL both coordinated with my colors. This was their own doing, I didn't ask them to. My SIL I think was a coincidence. I don't feel like it cheapens the photo at all and it's one of my favorites.

    I will say, though, that whenever my ex's family tried to make us dress alike for photos I hated it. 
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member




    lnixon8 said:


    Think about your favorite photos. They are probably not (like @southernbelle0915  mentioned) where everyone is coordinated and matching. Maybe its at a family picnic, maybe its at bar, just hanging at a friends house, maybe it Christmas morning. Your favorite photos should be ones that remind you of what a great time you're having, and they probably all are wearing something different.




    My mom and SIL both coordinated with my colors. This was their own doing, I didn't ask them to. My SIL I think was a coincidence. I don't feel like it cheapens the photo at all and it's one of my favorites.

    I will say, though, that whenever my ex's family tried to make us dress alike for photos I hated it. 


    I think in some circles, it's common to coordinate and wear the same color.  H's entire family, of whom only his brother was in the wedding party, wore purple. Mom and sisters - purple dresses, dad and other bro - purple striped ties. My sisters were all in my WP. My dad wore the same tie as the groomsmen as did my brother and my mom wore a purple dress. I never told any of them what to wear. 

    There are also pictures of my parents' wedding with green as the main color where both mom's are wearing green dresses. 





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