Do I have to get bridesmaids gifts if I am paying for hair and makeup?

penguinpop

I am paying for hair and makeup for all the bridesmaids ($120 each), and one of them was just at a wedding where the bride did that in lieu of gifts and everyone was fine with it. 
My mom thinks I absolutely must get them gifts, even if it's a silly cheap gift like a coffee mug or a small wooden box, but I am not into getting a gift for the sake of getting a gift. My MOH thinks I need to get everyone flip flops at the dollar store despite the fact that no one is wearing heels due to the grassy venue and I told them to wear comfortable flats.  I don't think anyone would need/want/wear cheap flip flops if they are wearing comfortable flats. 
A few of them told me that they would not have opted for hair/makeup if I hadn't offered to pay for it and they all want it done, so I feel like this is a nice thing for them. Is it rude to skip the physical gift or should I get them all something anyway?

flantastic

penguinpop said:

I am paying for hair and makeup for all the bridesmaids ($120 each), and one of them was just at a wedding where the bride did that in lieu of gifts and everyone was fine with it. 
My mom thinks I absolutely must get them gifts, even if it's a silly cheap gift like a coffee mug or a small wooden box, but I am not into getting a gift for the sake of getting a gift. My MOH thinks I need to get everyone flip flops at the dollar store despite the fact that no one is wearing heels due to the grassy venue and I told them to wear comfortable flats.  I don't think anyone would need/want/wear cheap flip flops if they are wearing comfortable flats. 
A few of them told me that they would not have opted for hair/makeup if I hadn't offered to pay for it and they all want it done, so I feel like this is a nice thing for them. Is it rude to skip the physical gift or should I get them all something anyway?

Your mom is right. You need to get them something. You're dictating their hair accessories, for crying out loud.

If you want everyone to have professional hair and makeup, you need to pay for it. If they have the option to do their own hair and makeup, then you don't have to pay for everyone and anyone who wants it done professionally can pay for their own. But regardless, it's not a gift to them to pay for hair and makeup, because it isn't about them and who they are. You get them a small token gift to thank them for the time and effort they put in to being in your wedding, and to show your appreciation for them. Paying for hair and makeup that you want done is not a gift, even if they also think it'd be nice to have done. It's for you and your wedding.

banana468

penguinpop said:

I am paying for hair and makeup for all the bridesmaids ($120 each), and one of them was just at a wedding where the bride did that in lieu of gifts and everyone was fine with it. 
My mom thinks I absolutely must get them gifts, even if it's a silly cheap gift like a coffee mug or a small wooden box, but I am not into getting a gift for the sake of getting a gift. My MOH thinks I need to get everyone flip flops at the dollar store despite the fact that no one is wearing heels due to the grassy venue and I told them to wear comfortable flats.  I don't think anyone would need/want/wear cheap flip flops if they are wearing comfortable flats. 
A few of them told me that they would not have opted for hair/makeup if I hadn't offered to pay for it and they all want it done, so I feel like this is a nice thing for them. Is it rude to skip the physical gift or should I get them all something anyway?

Hair and makeup is really nice.   But it's really nice FOR your wedding.   If you just took them out for hair and makeup because it was Saturday then it's a gift.   When you take them out for hair and makeup because it benefits you, it's not a gift. 

I think you should get them something even if it's small.  

missfrodo

flantastic said:

penguinpop said:

I am paying for hair and makeup for all the bridesmaids ($120 each), and one of them was just at a wedding where the bride did that in lieu of gifts and everyone was fine with it. 
My mom thinks I absolutely must get them gifts, even if it's a silly cheap gift like a coffee mug or a small wooden box, but I am not into getting a gift for the sake of getting a gift. My MOH thinks I need to get everyone flip flops at the dollar store despite the fact that no one is wearing heels due to the grassy venue and I told them to wear comfortable flats.  I don't think anyone would need/want/wear cheap flip flops if they are wearing comfortable flats. 
A few of them told me that they would not have opted for hair/makeup if I hadn't offered to pay for it and they all want it done, so I feel like this is a nice thing for them. Is it rude to skip the physical gift or should I get them all something anyway?

Your mom is right. You need to get them something. You're dictating their hair accessories, for crying out loud.

If you want everyone to have professional hair and makeup, you need to pay for it. If they have the option to do their own hair and makeup, then you don't have to pay for everyone and anyone who wants it done professionally can pay for their own. But regardless, it's not a gift to them to pay for hair and makeup, because it isn't about them and who they are. You get them a small token gift to thank them for the time and effort they put in to being in your wedding, and to show your appreciation for them. Paying for hair and makeup that you want done is not a gift, even if they also think it'd be nice to have done. It's for you and your wedding.

All of this.  

If you don't have a big budget to spend on gifts, you could skip mandatory hair and/or makeup and use that $ on something nice for each girl.  If your heart is set on hair and makeup for everyone, just think of something inexpensive but personal for each girl: A book for the avid reader, a DVD and some popcorn for the movie lover, a Starbucks gift card for the coffee lover, a gift card to Sephora for the makeup lover, etc.  If you shop around for deals, you probably don't have to spend more than $10/person, though if you're doing gift cards I'd aim for more like $25 each--it just feels like a better gift card amount, KWIM?

levioosa

Your mom is correct. The hair and makeup is really for you, not for them. Even if it is small, you need to get them something personal (think birthday girl). A bottle of wine for the wino, a gift card to B&N and a box of tea for the book worm, a makeup pallate for the makeup enthusiast, etc. These are supposed to be your nearest and dearest, and they have spent time and money to be in the wedding. 

CMGragain

These ladies have spent money on the dress and taken time out of their busy lives for you.  If you don't buy them each a nice, personal gift, you will look like a cheapskate bride.  The hair and makeup was YOUR idea, so you pay for it.  It isn't too late to cancel that and let the ladies choose their own hair and makeup.

southernbelle0915

The tradition of giving someone a BM gift is to say "thanks for being such a good friend and for supporting me during the most important event of my life." It should be special to each individual and heart felt.

I feel like that core reasoning is sort of forgotton these days with gifts being monotone, one-size-fits-all, thoughtless stuff. 

The hair and makeup is for their appearance the day of the wedding. It does not fit the purpose of the gift as outlined above. Your mom is right.

charlotte989875

I agree with everyone else, additional for the BMs that were just going to do their own, you're giving them something they didn't really see the need for. But them gifts that fit their interests/personalities and be thankful you have such great friends standing up with you. 

Jen4948

Paying for hair and makeup that you're requiring be done according to your specifications for your wedding is your responsibility. It isn't a gift to your bridesmaids.

In order to really make them feel appreciated, buy each one a nice gift, tailored to their personal interests as opposed to your own, at a reasonable price within your budget. You don't have to spend a ton of money on them, but to do nothing will make you appear cold and cheap-regardless of how much you're spending on their hair and makeup.

CMGragain

One of my daughter's bridesmaids flatly refused to have her hair and makeup done.  She was a free spirit. and wanted to look like her usual self.  No problem!  We were happy to have her with us at the ceremony!

penguinpop

Just for the record, The hair and makeup is optional. I am not dictating the style or look. The hair accessories I got for them are optional and I don't care if they don't use them. I thought they were cute and matched and I showed them and they thought they were cute. If they decide on the day of the wedding they don't want it in their hair, I don't care. 

I offered to pay not because I want them all to look a certain way, I thought it was something nice to do for them if they wanted it.  Some people opted out, which is fine with me. I never dictated to them that they had to do it, I asked them if they wanted it if they didn't have to pay for it.

Also I will get them gifts, then. Thanks for the suggestions. 

SP29

Just wanted to add, please don't get them all flip flops, or shrugs or clutches.

Gifts should be personal and not at all related to your wedding. I think you feel hesitant towards gifts because you realize the flip flops (or whatever else you were suggested) are silly (they are! You are right they don't need flip flops if they are already in flats, and even if they were wearing heels, they can bring their own change of shoes).

Great ideas above. A bottle of wine, a book, tea/coffee, gift card, chocolates/other treat can all be bought for $25 or less.

MobKaz

lucyfrankgethitched22 said:

I think it would be nice thing for you to do. Maybe get them a necklace or a bracelet. Something not to expensive, but for the maid of honor should get something nice for helping you out with everything. I think even if you give them something sweet it would be good enough. I understand hair and makeup is expensive. Just think about would you want a tiny gift of thank you for all the work you did for your friend's wedding. If not than that is okay.  

What work? 

What if one of the BM's "helped out with everything?"

The rationale behind giving a small gift to the wedding party is to thank them for supporting you and your FI, and to acknowledge the gift of time and money THEY spent being a member of your wedding party.