Am I just free accommodation?

InLoveInQueens

charlotte989875 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

Everyone's got a BEC, that's what this girl seems to be for OP.

This is the greatest, thank you for introducing this into my life. Currently my job is my BEC. 

A couple of friends and I have a group chat that usually is about this other "friend" of ours and how everything he does he's annoying. I told them he was our BEC and they were so excited to learn what that meant. It's a pretty great thing, especially since p much everyone has one person in their life that they don't want to cut out but they annoy the crap out of them.

JediElizabeth

Australian_girl_in_Paris said:

I honestly don't care if she see's other people. And it's not just some guy - it's my FI cousin with whom he and I are really close.

If I was going to visit her and see her cousin I would tell her - 'hey I'm going to see your cousin on X day' 

It's strange to have a fling with a guy technically in my family (tobe) and not say anything. If she wants to hook up with anyone I'm all about it, she can do as she pleases but it's just a bit odd in this instance to sort of do it behind my/our back.

It's just that I have no idea what's she's planning to do whilst she's here she's arriving on Wednesday and I haven't heard from her in almost a month but she's clearly worked out her hooking up whilst she's here.

Ok, so I'm clearly bringing out (her's and my) past friendship into this trip. I haven't and don't intend to say anything about any of it to her. This was just for me to rant but all its done is make me feel shitty so never mind.

This is not behind your back, because she's not lying to you.

And what's the problem with her working out her hook ups anyway, as long as they're not at your apartment?  She has every right to her fun, and it's really not your business to know who she hooks up with, as long as she doesn't bring drama into your life. 

Let it go. If you can take your ego out of it, ask her about it - but don't do it as a way of keeping tabs or asserting territory. 

FWIW, you're still totally right to be annoyed that she seems to just be using you for a place to stay. But between that and this...maybe the friendship has fizzled? If she's taking advantage of you and then not talking about her plans while here, maybe you should confront her about it in person, calmly and without judgement, but with the understanding that it might be time to let this friendship go:

"Friend, I love having you here, but I feel as though you're not as happy to be here with me. You've asked to stay with me, but made no other plans to see me, even with mutual friends. You don't seem to want to talk to me about your visit except to plan your accommodations. Has something happened between us?"