Wedding Woes

Send your regrets and silently judge this person.

Dear Prudence,
I received a wedding-related invitation from a family member, and I’m not sure how to respond. The couple lives a few states away, and the bride had a wedding shower earlier that I couldn’t attend, but I sent a gift anyway. The invitation I just received seems like another shower invitation, but it says that while “geography is keeping us from gathering to celebrate, we can shower the couple with gifts” and includes an address. Essentially, it’s an invitation to send more gifts. Is this horribly tacky? I’ve never seen something like this before, and I’m at a loss for how to respond graciously when I feel that it’s inappropriate. Thoughts?

–Bewildered by the Bride

Re: Send your regrets and silently judge this person.

  • Yes, it's horribly tacky. There's nothing to respond to, so don't. You've sent a gift which was more than needed since you didn't attend the shower. You've done your piece.

  • It doesn't even seem like there's an RSVP component - who would need to know whether or not you're going to send a gift? Throw the card away.

    Well, silent judgement and/or posting etiquette articles passive-aggressively on FB is the way to go in this situation.  

    Pointing out rudeness only gets you told that you're rude.  ;) 
  • I once received one of these.   It was an invitation for a "virtual shower".   On a specific date we'd put up our feet and raise a glass to the bride to be so please send gifts before that date to her.

    I totally rolled my eyes at the sheer chutzpah but I did it because the recipient was family so felt that she deserved the same gift as all the other siblings even though she was farther way.   

    But yeah, still eye rolling at that one. 
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I feel like I've heard of virtual shower before. Maybe I hallucinated it though. 

  • 6fsn said:

    I feel like I've heard of virtual shower before. Maybe I hallucinated it though. 

    I remember reading an article about it a year or so ago. 
  • Yep, I've heard of these.

    We were "invited" (idk what to call it) to one where they asked for gift cards. The couple lived across the country from most family/friends. There was a poem about how they didn't want to make everyone travel to a shower AND give a gift, so why not just send them gift cards? Or something. As if those were the only two options. 
    Image result for omg really gif


  • 6fsn said:

    I feel like I've heard of virtual shower before. Maybe I hallucinated it though. 

    My SILs suggested a "virtual shower" when I said I didn't want a baby shower (they knew how much I hated MIL's wedding shower, and showers in general). I said "absolutely not."

    They collected money from friends and relatives anyway and then said, "We have $500, what baby thing do you need?" Luckily they gave me a card with the names of everyone who contributed so I could at least send TY notes.
  • Dear LW,

    Yes, this family member is horribly tacky.  But, since they didn't actually invite you to anything, there is no need to respond at all.  Graciously or otherwise.

    You were already generous in sending a gift for a bridal shower you would not be attending.  A bridal shower the couple should not have been having if they weren't inviting everyone/anyone to their wedding.  I would never in a million years send another gift.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Shame LWs gift is going to get "lost in the mail." 
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