So I'm on the fence about how many maids of honor I should have. I absolutely definitely want my best friend to be my/one of my MoH. We've been best friends for almost 20 years and do all the big stuff together, although we only talk once a month or so with our differing schedules (I live several states away from my family and friends). I'm also considering having my sister be a MoH too. We didn't really get along until I was in high school and she was in college, so technically I've been friends with my best friend for longer than my sister. But my sister and I are really close now and talk every day and I think I'd like her to be MoH too. I want my best friend to be MoH as we run everything past each other and she's always encouraging and supportive. I want my sister to be MoH too because we talk about everything every day and I ask her opinion on most things I do. I value them both.
Problem #1 comes in with a few months ago (before I got engaged) my best friend was telling me about how her fiancé's mother strong armed him into asking his brother to be his best man and how mad she was about it and how he should choose his own best man. I laughed and said that she'd definitely be my MoH no questions (I'm already her MoH). I'm worried if I pick both of them my best friend will think I'm being disingenuous.
Problem #2 is my sister knows I've been closer to my best friend for longer and has already been disappointed because I called my best friend about the engagement before I called her. I'm worried that she'll turn being MoH down and if she does what I will do. I think I would want to protest but I also don't want to cause a scene.
Problem #3 I want to ask them to be MoHs at the same time to be fair. I'm worried about problem #2 and my sister will try to turn it down as I'm asking them and then when I insist I feel like everyone present "knows" I'd rather have my best friend.
The thing that makes this harder is that my sister is a grudge holder. She tries not to be, but I could definitely see 15 years from now her being like "Remember that time I wasn't your MoH and you were mine" (My sister had a short marriage a few years ago and I was her MoH then) My best friend is very laid back and generally just lets things go, but in this case I'm afraid she'll be upset that we've been saying for years (as recently as a few months ago!) that we'd be each others MoH and I went back on that.
As for duties, I would want them to share in it equally, but my sister can have a very go-get-'em personality and would likely have everything planned before my best friend could even set aside time to look into it.
Any advice to help me make this decision or any stories to help put things in perspective would be very much appreciated!