4 partners in the world

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My partner and I got together last July. We were very much in love and seemed to be a good long-term fit for one another’s lives. They were sensitive, kind, and witty, which was a winning combination for me. However, in recent months they have been increasingly irritable and critical. I’m very uncomfortable with angry behavior, in large part due to childhood trauma which my partner is aware of. It seems like they are always unhappy, and nothing I do makes a difference.

My partner is very concerned with order—they don’t like dishes in the sink, and everything has to be spotless, with every tiny little thing in place, at all times. I’m admittedly bad at remembering such things, but no matter how hard I try to improve, it doesn’t seem like enough. My partner is often critical and accusatory, and I rarely see any behavior from them that makes me feel loved. It seems my partner thinks that providing materially (home-cooked meals, supplies for a hobby I enjoy, taking trips, etc.) means I should have no reason to be unhappy. I do appreciate these things, but I don’t feel connected to my partner anymore. We’ve talked about this many times and I don’t seem to get anywhere with them. It makes me feel neglected and unheard. I’m wondering if it’s something either of us is doing wrong, or if perhaps we’re just not as right for one another as we initially thought. Is it time to end this one?

—Is My Relationship Over?

DrillSergeantCat

You learn a lot about a person once you start living together. It's never too late to end a relationship, especially an unhappy one. Just think of it as freeing yourself up to find the right one instead of trying to force this one out of convenience.

missJeanLouise

If there is no willingness to change then it will never work. That being said, some inherent traits are so hard to change. I would have never made my ex happy because I am too messy and wild. I tried to keep the house clean but it was never to his standards. Ironically, DH doesn't seem to care at all and I don't feel quite as angry about cleaning. Still not thrilled with it but at least now it is too my standard and not someone else's.

OliveOilsMom

There needs to be compatibility with your partner when living together.  I see none here.  LW should just end things now because they will not get better or change.

charlotte989875

They don't seem to be on the same page with house cleaning, have very different love languages, and there seems to be no willingness to compromise. Big red flags to me. 

southernbelle0915

"I don't feel love or connection to my partner. I've raised my concerns and they have been dismissed. My partner makes no effort to address this. I feel unheard and neglected. Should I stay in this relationship?" 

VarunaTT

Just run already.  The "new" has worn off and the real personality and day-to-day functioning is being revealed.  It's okay to not be able to handle that and to not want it.  

short+sassy

Oh, LW.  I have made that mistake before also.  The thinking, "Things were SO great in the beginning.  THIS is the phase.  He's been under so much stress (or insert any excuse), that he's just not himself."

And you wait a long time for his "old" self to come back and then everything will be fine.  Until you finally realize this is his "real" self.

LW, get out.  Nothing in this letter even hints that things will work out.  The two of you just aren't compatible, despite giving it a good try.  You sound like you're unhappy and walking on eggshells all the time.  That is no way to live.

flantastic

So many people need Prudie's permission to break up.