Attire

ellamber

So, I know we are not supposed to "tell people what to wear" but I've been having trouble with people asking me and I am not sure what is best. To clarify, my venue is a farm, the ceremony is "outdoors" but inside one of the barns, and the reception is inside a building on the property in the evening. Should I indicate anything on my invitations or just handle each inquiry as they come up? 

mollybarker11

Do not indicate anything about attire, your guests will likely look up the venue and get a sense of the event. If people ask, you can let them know what the wedding party will be wearing to give them an even clearer idea.

If guests will be walking on grass or in barns with straw, that may be something to mention on your website (if you have one) or spread by word of mouth as it could impact their choice of footwear.

ellamber

Ok, so if I indicate something on my website such as "About the venue" is it ok to put my website on my invites or my save the dates? I was planning on putting it on the save the dates.

ei34

ellamber said:

Ok, so if I indicate something on my website such as "About the venue" is it ok to put my website on my invites or my save the dates? I was planning on putting it on the save the dates.

The STD is a great place to list the website.  I love reading them, but not all guests do, so if there's anything important for them to know (certain type of footwear required for outdoor terrain, ceremony with religious required dress code), an FYI email or word of mouth would also be good.

ellamber

Ok, so Save the dates it is! Thanks!

SP29

Yes, you can put this information on your wedding website, and the STD is a perfect place for this.

Just wanted to clarify- even though your venue may be a bit different, you still shouldn't tell guests what to wear/not wear, but you can tell them what to expect.

For example, it would be appropriate to say, "The ceremony will take place outdoors on grass" but not, "Please wear flat shoes/do not wear heels as the ceremony will be on grass". Let your guests decide what to wear for themselves and what they are comfortable in (i.e. a guest may decide to wear wedges or get those plastic caps for their heel ends).

You could also state things such as "Reception will be outdoors under an open tent" or "There will be outdoor access to a verandah during the evening", but don't directly tell guests they should bring a jacket.

If anyone asks you about what you wear, best way to go is to let them know how the wedding party or family members (such as the parents) will be dressed (tux vs suit, gown vs. cocktail dress).

lyndausvi

I go against the grain on this one.

I use to work at a 5-star resort in the islands.   We did over 100 weddings a year.   Some wedding were black tie.  Others were casual.  Most were somewhere in the middle.

  The venue did NOT dictate how formal the wedding was.    We had $300 a plate wedding that were casual, $50 a plate weddings that were more formal.  The vibe and attire were all based on the couple's interpretation. 

So I'm of the believe if your wedding is outside of your standard church and reception hall,country club wedding there is nothing wrong with steering the guests in the direction you would prefer.  Prefer meaning, you are not telling them what to wear, just the overall vibe of the wedding.

For example, we had a beach wedding.  I was in a gown, but my husband flat out refused to wear a jacket or tie.   Both our families had never been to a beach wedding.  Pretty much only Catholic church weddings.   They are dresses and suit attire wedding guests.    Add in we had a formal meal.  I.e  raw bar, 10+ apps, sit down meal, full premium open bar, etc plus it was a  Saturday night.  

 Well, we sent mixed signals.    They were all confused.  So on our FAQ insert in the wedding we said something like

The ceremony is on the actual beach.  There will be a shoe valet available.    Jackets and ties are not necessary.  


We felt this let the guests know that they most likely would want to take off their shoes.  Jackets and ties would be too hot.   Thus women would understand not to wearing formal gear.   

Verbally when asked I often said the groom wearing a Tommy Bahama button down and linen pants.   So the guests understood the vibe we were going for.


I feel like your barn wedding is like ours.  Most of your guests might not have attended one.   And quite frankly one couple might have a more causal barn wedding when another has a more formal one.   I've seen it happen here.


So, I would do what we did.   Let them know on the website and verbally.  Plus tell the big mouths of your group.  Every group has one.

Our guests were appreciative of the information.

southernbelle0915

In the last 10 years, getting married in a barn has become way more common. Something about burlap and mason jars.....

Anyway....I don't think you need to provide a ton of information unless it's going to help people. What I mean by that is telling them that the wedding will be outside on grass is helpful for people considering heels. Telling people it's "laid back casual" is moreso telling people what to wear than it is helpful. KWIM? 

SP29

southernbelle0915 said:

In the last 10 years, getting married in a barn has become way more common. Something about burlap and mason jars.....

Anyway....I don't think you need to provide a ton of information unless it's going to help people. What I mean by that is telling them that the wedding will be outside on grass is helpful for people considering heels. Telling people it's "laid back casual" is moreso telling people what to wear than it is helpful. KWIM? 

Agreed. You can be helpful as to the venue and location without telling your guests what to wear.

Which is exactly what I think you did @lyndausvi.

"Ceremony is on the beach. Shoe valet available. Jackets not required."
"Ceremony on grass. Reception outdoors under a tent".

All very different than "rustic country chic" (no one knows what these phrases really mean- we had a topic on here recently where an OP said "church clothes" and it was quite evident that various posters had various ideas on what constituted church clothes), or saying, "Don't wear heels", "don't wear long dresses", etc. Guests can wear what they want, you just want to helpful so they can figure out how THEY will be most comfortable.

ellamber

That is what I have been doing. People have been asking me what to wear, so I just tell them what the venue is like and say "whatever is most comfortable" or "heres what I would wear as a guest." My confusion came from people asking what my "theme" was which.. is wedding. In a barn. No theme, not rustic country chic or burlap and babys breath or whatever. So what i'm going to do is put a blurb on the website about the venue.  I will let them know what aspects would be outdoors (weather permitting). 

I don't know if its just me, but I feel like people are trying to make my wedding more complicated than it needs to be. They want to know my color scheme and my theme and what getting ready outfits I'm going to wear. I'm just trying to have a wedding.

redwoodoriginal

ellamber said:

That is what I have been doing. People have been asking me what to wear, so I just tell them what the venue is like and say "whatever is most comfortable" or "heres what I would wear as a guest." My confusion came from people asking what my "theme" was which.. is wedding. In a barn. No theme, not rustic country chic or burlap and babys breath or whatever. So what i'm going to do is put a blurb on the website about the venue.  I will let them know what aspects would be outdoors (weather permitting). 

I don't know if its just me, but I feel like people are trying to make my wedding more complicated than it needs to be. They want to know my color scheme and my theme and what getting ready outfits I'm going to wear. I'm just trying to have a wedding.

That's how I felt- people kept asking what my theme and colors were... I was like uh, I don't have colors and I'm getting married is my theme?

mollybarker11

I have never been to a themed wedding in my life.

DrillSergeantCat

ellamber said:

That is what I have been doing. People have been asking me what to wear, so I just tell them what the venue is like and say "whatever is most comfortable" or "heres what I would wear as a guest." My confusion came from people asking what my "theme" was which.. is wedding. In a barn. No theme, not rustic country chic or burlap and babys breath or whatever. So what i'm going to do is put a blurb on the website about the venue.  I will let them know what aspects would be outdoors (weather permitting). 

I don't know if its just me, but I feel like people are trying to make my wedding more complicated than it needs to be. They want to know my color scheme and my theme and what getting ready outfits I'm going to wear. I'm just trying to have a wedding.

I didn't have a theme either. It's a wedding, not a kid's birthday party. 

I posted pictures of the venues on our website and if anyone asked me what to wear, I just told them to remember that the ceremony venue was on grass. 

banana468

Meh, I've seen some themes and some are looser than others.   We got engaged at a state park on the water.   Our loose theme was just the local beach area.   Favors were glass tea light holders that looked like sail boats and colors were the blues and greens you'd find in hydrangeas.   Hydrangeas were a flower in all the bouquets and centerpieces.

A few years ago a Chinese friend incorporated his heritage not just into the cuisine but into the decor / favors of the reception.   

I've never seen any theme extend into something where guests were asked to dress differently but I've definitely seen themes in some regard. 

MandyMost

The time of day, the venue, and the formality of the invitation typically tell a guest what to wear to a wedding (or any event). If for some reason these aren't adequate to convey they type of event you're going for, you can spread info by word of mouth or on the website as others have suggested. 

If I'm asking someone what I should wear to an event it's because I don't want to stand out. I don't want to show up in a sundress when everyone else is in formal gowns, or wear a formal gown when everyone else is in nice pants and tank tops. 

ellamber

MandyMost said:

The time of day, the venue, and the formality of the invitation typically tell a guest what to wear to a wedding (or any event). If for some reason these aren't adequate to convey they type of event you're going for, you can spread info by word of mouth or on the website as others have suggested. 

If I'm asking someone what I should wear to an event it's because I don't want to stand out. I don't want to show up in a sundress when everyone else is in formal gowns, or wear a formal gown when everyone else is in nice pants and tank tops. 

This is what I was thinking as well, but it seems people are more concerned about fitting into my "theme" rather than just dressing how they would like to attend a wedding. I did put a little blurb about the wedding venue on my site so hopefully that will help. Most of my guests are from a very metro area so I could see how they might not have an idea of what to wear to a wedding on a farm/in a barn.

My wedding dress seems especially fancy to me so if someone did "overdress" they wouldn't necessarily look out of place. 

banana468

I think people may want to know your theme and they may also want to make sure that they're dressed appropriately for the area.

Will your barn have air conditioning?   Will it have any ability to be cool?  

I think a blurb on the wedding website and possibly an enclosure card can help.  I'd want to know right away if your barn wasn't going to be air conditioned in summer.  That changes my attire right away.