Engagement Party-families in different states
Hi guys!
So I just got engaged a little bit ago (yaaaaaaay!) and our families want to have an engagement party. My FI and I would LOVE to mostly because we would love for our families to get to know each other 
Here's the problem: my parents live in Massachusetts (with extended fam in CT and NY). My FI's parents live in NJ (with his extended fam in NJ, PA and MD). We live outside of Philadelphia.
Here's the issue. My mom wants to host a party in MA, but then my FI says no one from his side will be able to make it most likely. My mom says no one from my side will come if we have it here. I really don't wanna do two parties, the point was for our families to meet. Both sides are being pretty difficult and do not want to budge 
Any tips or advice?? Has anyone dealt with this???
Thanks 
Re: Engagement Party-families in different states
Maybe you could have both sets of parents over for a weekend so that they can become acquainted.
We had the same issue, his family in RI and mine in NJ. We wound up not having an engagement party. Instead, when his parents came down to see the venue (we lived in and had the wedding in NJ), we hosted them and my mother for a nice dinner. The next morning, we invited them to a diner with my siblings, uncle and aunt as well. (His sister was invited too, but didn't make it down.)
We didn't call it an engagement party or invite anyone else beyond our closest family. When we toasted, it was generally to family because there were no guests of honor. It was explicitly because they all wanted to meet before the wedding, and then they kept in touch on Facebook after.
As a PP says, you need to start figuring out a strategy for dealing with relatives when you pick wedding ceremony and reception venues if they try to play the "we won't come unless it's close to us" card. I would say, "We are only going to be able to have one wedding, so we had to make some difficult choices. We understand if you can't make it and we'll miss you, but we had to pick the best location for us and it is not possible for us to change it."
Would your Mom consider hosting the party where you live? Again, she says none of your family will come- so at the end of the day, you pick a location for a party and go with it (knowing some people may not come) or you realize the type of party you're trying to plan just isn't going to work out for the group you are trying to invite. Seems like any logical place you try and plan one side won't come.
I agree with PPs that it would be best to have a smaller party, or dinner, where you invite both parents and immediate family only.
FWIW, engagement parties aren't common in my circles, and if they are had, it is usually the couples' immediate family and friends who attend, and those local. It's more of a casual party, so I wouldn't expect OOT guests. Most extended families don't meet beyond the wedding, unless your family is the type that has large gatherings all the time, in which case, they will meet at an event other than an engagement party anyway.
I don't think there is anything wrong with that scenario.
OP, if your mom doesn't want to host the party in Philly, I think lunch or dinner with both of your parents & siblings would be the best option. Extended families (in most cases) don't spend a lot of time together, but it is nice if the parents & any siblings are at least acquainted before the wedding.
Engagement parties are really not as common as they used to be. Also remember if you do have a bigger party, that anyone who is invited to pre-wedding events should also be invited to the wedding!