Wedding 911

Can I un-invite...

Hello everyone,
I need some advice. Am I allowed to not send an invitation if I have already sent a save the date? 
The family in question has been friends of family my entire life. My dad was best friends with this person up until December of 2016. My oldest brother worked for this person and his company for 10 years but was killed on the job in December. So now I don't know what to do. My dad wants nothing to do with this person and he is the one paying for my wedding.

Has anyone had anything close to this happening? What do I do?

Please help,

Best Answer


  • My dad does blame him in part for the death of my brother and for other things involving the investigation of the accident. As far as I know my dad hasn't talked to him in months, and I don't think there has been any attempt from our family friend to talk to my father. 

    Thank you
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.  I don't know whether your dad explicitly said he didn't want this man invited to the wedding or not, though the implication is definitely there. You should talk to your dad before any final decisions are made.

    It is 100% understandable that he is angry at this friend and doesn't want to see him.  But since not inviting someone to a wedding after sending a save-the-date is a friendship ending move in itself, I believe he needs to be certain that there isn't anything that would ever change his mind, and that he is ready to end this friendship once and for all. I certainly wouldn't blame him for feeling that way. Whatever he says, you should respect his wishes on this issue, and given the circumstances, I'd say that even if he wasn't paying. 
  • Don't invite him. There's no relationship to save now. 
  • I am so sorry to hear about your brother.

    I also think it is understandable to no longer invite this family, as long as you and your father realize it is potentially a friendship-ending move.

    One additional thing to add, if this family might need to make travel arrangements to attend the wedding (ie hotel, flight, etc.), I think you need to give them a head's up that they will no longer be receiving an invitation.  I'm sure you wouldn't want them to book flights for a wedding they are no longer invited to. 

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  • I am so sorry for your lost! This has to be a hard time for your family. There are going to be a lot of emotion on your wedding day about your family with happiness and sadness too. My family friend her husband lost his brother before their wedding and they put a table at their wedding to honor him and remember him. I really do not think its a good idea to have this person come to your wedding. Your father is hurting...if he doesn't speak or talk to him than he shouldn't come to his daughter special day. Its really hard for people to forgive if they lose a child so young. I would stay clear and I figure they will know they will not be invited to the wedding while the investigation is going on. I am truly sorry for your lost. I am sending you and your family my loving prayers! 
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