Inviting Family-Drama-Maybe just venting

corabee

So hopefully this is the proper board to post this question or more so looking for some advice.

So my mom's side of the family for lack of better words has always been pretty dramatic. Starting issues and fights here and there. But we have always been very close to them as well. Within the past year I was dragged into some of the drama they like to start. But I am a very easy going person, So I am able to let things go very easily and had since let everything go. But certain people of my family have not or cant. Now we are getting to the invites of the wedding and I would like to just invite everyone. I will say I have not spoken to my Aunt for about a year. But I feel with a wedding it is a big deal and I would at least like to invite everyone. But my mom is unsure about it and my Sister in Law is not on good terms with another aunt. So my thinks it will all be an issue if everyone is there. A part of me believes they can act civil at a wedding but you never know. I do think it is crazy that I should have to worry about adults not acting civil or mature at a wedding and I think I should be able to invite everyone. My Fiance agrees with me as well.

I would rather just invite everyone and just hope for the best. I do believe my Sister in Law will be fine if I talk to her but I don't want to also hurt feelings. It is a weird situation. So I am looking for advice. Should I just go with my gut and invite everyone? So I contact the people I haven't talked to in a while and make things okay or just send an invite and assume that says we are fine? and just see if they come. 

Sorry if a little long or confusing. Explaining this is text is a little hard

LondonLisa

corabee said:

So hopefully this is the proper board to post this question or more so looking for some advice.

So my mom's side of the family for lack of better words has always been pretty dramatic. Starting issues and fights here and there. But we have always been very close to them as well. Within the past year I was dragged into some of the drama they like to start. But I am a very easy going person, So I am able to let things go very easily and had since let everything go. But certain people of my family have not or cant. Now we are getting to the invites of the wedding and I would like to just invite everyone. I will say I have not spoken to my Aunt for about a year. But I feel with a wedding it is a big deal and I would at least like to invite everyone. But my mom is unsure about it and my Sister in Law is not on good terms with another aunt. So my thinks it will all be an issue if everyone is there. A part of me believes they can act civil at a wedding but you never know. I do think it is crazy that I should have to worry about adults not acting civil or mature at a wedding and I think I should be able to invite everyone. My Fiance agrees with me as well.

I would rather just invite everyone and just hope for the best. I do believe my Sister in Law will be fine if I talk to her but I don't want to also hurt feelings. It is a weird situation. So I am looking for advice. Should I just go with my gut and invite everyone? So I contact the people I haven't talked to in a while and make things okay or just send an invite and assume that says we are fine? and just see if they come. 

Sorry if a little long or confusing. Explaining this is text is a little hard

Invite everyone. If your family cannot be trusted to act like civil adults then that is on them.  Seriously, I have been in situations where I have had to be in the same room as someone I despise. You just ignore them and get on with it. 

Think about it this way: if you don't invite everyone, you are making a statement and taking sides. That is just going to escalate and perpetuate this drama. Stay out  of it and rise above it. 

ETA: you just send invites to people you want to be there. Don't acknowledge the drama, don't offer conditional invites. If someone threatens not to come, just respond with 'Well, we'll miss you'. 

Everyone is acting like they are 14 in this situation.

MairePoppy

If you would like them to come to your wedding, invite them all. It's that simple. It's up to them to accept or decline. You shouldn't involve yourself with their quarrels.

AddieCake

If you'd like A, B, and C there, then you should invite them the same as you would anyone else.  

Jen4948

If you want to invite these people, by all means invite them.

If you're concerned that anyone might misbehave to the point that someone or something will get hurt, I would arrange for security to be present who can escort away anyone who requires it.

ei34

Invite them all.  Some of the members of my large family can be dramatic/hold grudges too, but they all behaved day of.  And ditto LL that if you don't invite someone, it'll reflect poorly on you.  Good luck!

kwiksilver

I agree with PP's. 

We actually DIDN'T invite quite a number of my mothers side to the wedding. Only one of them asked about it, and actually sent us a gift anyway, so I feel a bit bad in hindsight not inviting them. But what's done is done. For that reason, I would go with what YOU want, and invite people you wish. I was super worried about drama between a couple of guests, and guess what?  They actually had a very civil chat, and everything was lovely. People will surprise you. Most people don't wish to be remembered as "that butthole who ruined corabee's wedding" so they put on their best face. 

corabee

Yes you are all right. thank you!

I knew it would be best to just invite them.  It is a wedding and I want all family present but a part of me did worry that is why I asked for some advice. 

I did tell my mom if anyone wants to start any drama we can simply ask them to leave and that is that.  But I don't think I can live with myself not inviting them especially since I believe they will all be fine one day. But if they don't come at least I know I tried. But I am hoping it'll be good and everyone getting together will let go of the past and just have a good time. 

CMGragain

I agree with everyone here.  Invite whom you want to invite.  Don't worry about family drama.  If it happens, then it happens.  It won't "ruin" your wedding.

My own wedding had super drama.  My MIL sat in a corner, crying, at the reception, and told people her son had just made the worst mistake of his life.  I never stopped smiling, and I ignored her.  Lots of people expressed sympathy and good wishes.  I won.  Happily married for 41 years.

SP29

Invite whom you want. I agree with LondonLisa that if you don't invite some people because of X,Y,Z, you look like you are picking sides and end up more involved in the drama.

Don't say anything to anyone, expect adults to act like adults. If they don't, they can be asked to leave. No one is going to judge YOU if an aunt (or whoever) acts like an ass, they'll judge her.

If you know that two people in particular do NOT get along, you can use your seating plan to seat them apart at separate tables.

DH's parents are divorced and do NOT talk. They still sat bedside each other at the ceremony as DH's parents. They didn't speak to each other, but they sat there politely. We sat them at tables on opposite sides of the room during the reception. But during the reception, my Aunt and Grandma (Aunt's mother) got into a fight and started yelling at each other (not a thing that usually happens)! My Dad stepped in and told them to knock it off or leave and they did. DH nor I heard a word of it.