NWR: How do I "let go" at work?

dyerwise

I know this isn't wedding related, but I would really like some advice. 

I work in a corporate environment and I am the "knowledge expert", "product owner", "subject matter expert" etc for a project with an IT development team. We currently have a a very complex request tool in place what has over 300 users and a team of about 10 people process 2,000 requests each month. I worked with a different IT team to create this tool 2 years ago and it has been successful, however, our company has decided to end the contract with that software company so we are back to square one. 

I feel like no one is listening to me. I'm not asking for the sun, moon, and stars, I am giving very clear basic requirements and the IT team takes them in a completely different direction and says its all just a "learning issue" for the end users. I've spoken with my manager and she says I've done all I can and I just need to let go. Its frustrating because if I "let go" I know over 300 users in our company will be impacted and my job and 10 other peoples jobs will be unmanageable. Also, all of this will impact our tons of customers. 

We are up against really tight deadlines and it really seems like I am the only one who cares. May be I am caring too much? 

How do you get people to listen to you at work? Do I just let everything fall apart and then hope it gets fixed after the fact? 

Also, just an annoying tidbit, the IT manager is a man and will only pay attention to other men. My team is mostly female and its obvious to all of us. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE LIKE THAT?!

charlotte989875

So I think there are two things going on here 1) People higher up and not doing what you want and 2) One manager is not listening to you, likely because you're a woman. 

I think you have to let 1 go by recognizing you presented your case in the best way you thought possible, your immediate supervisor recognizes your contribution, but they're going a different way. It sucks, but that happens. Acknowledge they might be making a huge mistake you tried to prevent and let it go. If it will affect your position get your resume in order or reach out to your network and see what opportunities might be available.

But if you don't feel like people are hearing you ask for feedback from a trusted co-work on how you present your ideas and your case. You may think you're being clear but others might not hear what you think they should be hearing. Or there might be a more effective way at reaching that audience. Ask for feedback. 

On 2; girl I hear you. This happens in my line of work All. The. Time. Address it respectfully, but directly when it happens. If IT guy asks someone else for information you just provided say "IT guy, as I just explained, X, Y, and Z program works like this, and you go to A, B, or C resource when you are confused". The other thing to try if you have a team of women is amplifying each other's voices. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_57d94d9fe4b0aa4b722d79fe

This is a problem in many, many workplaces, but there are good strategies around it. 

ahoywedding

Ugh this: How do you get people to listen to you at work? Do I just let everything fall apart and then hope it gets fixed after the fact? is me at work too. My boss is super disorganized, and I think everyone above her must be as well. I can't tell you the number of abandoned projects we've started as a team. My approach initially was to keep protesting and be that annoying B who doesn't let things get dropped, but that didn't really change things. I document my concerns (email, IM, etc) and I have everything saved in a folder so if the crap hits the fan, someone will know I had been protesting the way we do things. 

If a similar situation comes up again, what kind of relationship do you have with people higher than your immediate supervisor? Could you express your concerns to any of them? Or is there another department you need to collaborate with for a project? 

I also agree with asking for feedback on how you communicate your ideas. When I first started in my current role, I was trying to be less "casual" in my communication and was just very straight-forward. That got me some complaints for being too....something else, I can't remember. It took a little while to figure out an effective communication style, and that varies if I'm emailing someone or having a conversation. You could ask a trusted peer, or even a friend outside your company, to take a look at some of your recent work communication. 

thisismynickname2

I've learned that nothing speaks louder than data. What research, data, best practices, whatever did you present with your argument? Can you strengthen your request for requirements with other supporting documentation that would show the IT guy that it's not a "learning issue?"

It's also interesting that your boss doesn't seem to care. You may also have to convince your boss, so she can convince her boss if needed, and team up to do the right thing for your company and clients. 

knottiec0607c2fda3eba98

Why is it a learning issue? I think many people take different path to find the answers. I would show him the data and prove him wrong. Show him that a women can do the same job as a man. This is crazy that men still do this it saddens me. Do not give up and show the data what will happen if you stop what you are doing. Show how much money they will lose. No company likes to lose money. With the other one shows the profits and how you forecast them to increase over a period of time. I wish you the best of luck! Let us know how it goes! 

dyerwise

Thanks for the advice everyone! Sorry for the absence. Shortly after I posted I had a talk with my manager about how truly awful the project is going and how I really need to her help in helping me be heard. She started to echo what I say in meetings and we both started bringing more data to status meetings. I even ran a rough demo with our end users and presented their feedback, which was all negative.

A few weeks ago the project was cancelled and our current software licenses were extended! Huge win for me and all the users.

Thank you all again for the advice.