Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Dilemma

Hi everyone!  

I have a bit of a problem with one of my bridesmaids.  I asked a good friend from college to be a bridesmaid even though we were pretty bad at keeping in contact, and every time we hung out it was like no time had passed at all.  Since I asked her, we've drifted even farther apart, and she tends to ignore the group texts I send regarding the Bridal Shower, dress shopping, etc.  What's the best way to essentially give her an out, because at this point of my life I don't want to deal with this type of drama.

TIA!

Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma

  • Hi everyone!  

    I have a bit of a problem with one of my bridesmaids.  I asked a good friend from college to be a bridesmaid even though we were pretty bad at keeping in contact, and every time we hung out it was like no time had passed at all.  Since I asked her, we've drifted even farther apart, and she tends to ignore the group texts I send regarding the Bridal Shower, dress shopping, etc.  What's the best way to essentially give her an out, because at this point of my life I don't want to deal with this type of drama.

    TIA!
    How is this drama? 

    Maybe she doesn't want to go dress shopping with you. I know for me, this would be akin to putting me in a room with mewling howler monkeys and being asked to teach them piano, and to be perfectly honest, I'd take the monkeys over dress shopping with people. 

    As for the shower, is someone planning it for you? Have them contact her. 

    You only need to contact the BM and let her know what attire to get and where and when to be. All this "drama" is of your own making.
    short+sassyahoyweddingPrettyGirlLostmollybarker11
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Is the only time you're contacting her about wedding stuff? I wouldn't respond either. That's not friendship - it goes both ways, and if you're only bringing up your wedding and not ever asking about her or trying to hang out separate from wedding stuff, it doesn't make it seem like you care about her, while she's supposed to care about making you feel special.

    PPshave outlined her actual responsibility, and it doesn't include being involved in your shower. This isn't drama. This is nothing. Leave it alone, or be a friend and hang out and don't bring up your wedding.

    Anniversary

    short+sassyahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    It sounds like you are the one creating drama. Why are you sending group text messages about your shower? Are you the one planning it? If so, it's super tacky. Maybe that's why she's not responding. 

    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueensSTARMOON44
  • Is the only time you're contacting her about wedding stuff? I wouldn't respond either. That's not friendship - it goes both ways, and if you're only bringing up your wedding and not ever asking about her or trying to hang out separate from wedding stuff, it doesn't make it seem like you care about her, while she's supposed to care about making you feel special.

    PPshave outlined her actual responsibility, and it doesn't include being involved in your shower. This isn't drama. This is nothing. Leave it alone, or be a friend and hang out and don't bring up your wedding.
    Yep this. One of my very best friends was 100% wrapped up in wedding planning and, even though we spoke regularly, she ONLY talked about wedding stuff once the plans had started. It. Drove. Me. Bonkers. I'll be totally honest and say I only responded to about 50% of the wedding related stuff she sent. After the wedding, she went back to being my normal friend, but it was tough there for a while.

    Reach out to your friend about FRIEND things. Ask how she's doing, what's new in her life. Go to coffee or get drinks and don't talk about anything wedding related unless she asks.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Hi everyone!  

    I have a bit of a problem with one of my bridesmaids.  I asked a good friend from college to be a bridesmaid even though we were pretty bad at keeping in contact, and every time we hung out it was like no time had passed at all.  Since I asked her, we've drifted even farther apart, and she tends to ignore the group texts I send regarding the Bridal Shower, dress shopping, etc.  What's the best way to essentially give her an out, because at this point of my life I don't want to deal with this type of drama.

    TIA!
    She doesn't need an out.

    Acknowledging she's receiving these texts is common courtesy, but how many texts are we talking about and how frequently are you and the other BMs "blasting" everyone?  Most ppl I know find group texts to be super annoying and they just ignore them, rather than creating drama by leaving them.

    None of your BMs *need* to go dress shopping with you, nor do they *need* to go together to get fitted for their own dresses.  It's nice if you are inviting ppl to join you, but please don't expect everyone to come.

    Similarly, once your BMs know what type of dress they are supposed to buy, they are responsible for going out and getting it, and many people just go our on their own time, by themselves and do it.  It's a hassle if you try to make  it a group thing.

    Your BMs are not required to throw you a shower, and participation in one is individual and voluntary.  If you are personally testing about your shower, stop now and stay out of it.  You shouldn't be involved in the planning.

    Look, all your BM's need to do is show up on time on the day of your wedding wearing the agreed upon attire.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    SP29
  • Group texts are the worst. 
    Truth. 

    And if there is important information being shared I'll read it, by I'm not blowing up everyone's phone to say "ok great thanks". 
    ahoyweddingflantasticPrettyGirlLostsparklepants41
  • Group texts are the worst. 
    Truth. 

    And if there is important information being shared I'll read it, by I'm not blowing up everyone's phone to say "ok great thanks". 
    SERIOUSLY. Maybe the only thing worse is a group chat where you don't know everyone.
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