Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??

Adam is my hunny

My fiance and I are having a small civil ceremony with immediate family and then all going to dinner together afterwards.  Next year after I graduate and he is back from deployent we are going to have the religious church ceremony and large fancy reception with all our family and friends. 

He is wearing his dress blues and I bought a pale gold short dress (I have a real wedding dress for next year already!).  We are both having one best friend stand up there with us in front of the judge.  DO I CARRY A BOUQUET?? Yes I have my friend there to take it while Fiance and I hold hands but in a courthouse wedding DO I WALK DOWN THE ISLE? I don't think so. I wasnt planning on having my dad walk me down (those special details are for next year).  So do Fiance and I walk down the isle togehter after all my family is seated in the room?  Or are we all just mingling in the room and take our respective positions once the judge says we are starting; meaning Fiance and I are already up front holding hands?

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:405c0bb9-d258-40d1-ba6e-ffb0f1e0b22a">Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are having a small civil ceremony with immediate family and then all going to dinner together afterwards.  Next year after I graduate and he is back from deployent we are going to have the religious church ceremony and large fancy reception with all our family and friends.  He is wearing his dress blues and I bought a pale gold short dress (<strong>I have a real wedding dress for next year already</strong>!).  We are both having one best friend stand up there with us in front of the judge.  DO I CARRY A BOUQUET?? Yes I have my friend there to take it while Fiance and I hold hands but in a courthouse wedding DO I WALK DOWN THE ISLE? I don't think so. I wasnt planning on having my dad walk me down (<strong>those special details are for next year</strong>).  So do Fiance and I walk down the isle togehter after all my family is seated in the room?  Or are we all just mingling in the room and take our respective positions once the judge says we are starting; meaning Fiance and I are already up front holding hands?
Posted by Adam is my hunny[/QUOTE]

The Judge will tell you how this goes.  You can carry a bouquet if you like.

What concerns me is the bolded part.  Please tell me that you are not planning on having a fake show wedding next year because the cold hard truth is that unless you get divorced between now and then you don't get a second wedding.  The JOP is your wedding and your gold dress is your "real wedding dress."  You mentioned that your FI is in the military.  The ladies on the military brides board (Special Topics Section) may be able to answer a lot of your guestions.

Summer2011Bride

Ditto GLB. It sounds like this is kind of a done deal already, but you shouldn't really have two weddings so close together. Why not just wait until after deployment and have the big fancy wedding you truly want?

NICOLE7992

I understand your reasonings for wanting a ceramony before he deploys. The cold hard facts are if you are husband and wife you will get the benifits of being a Military wife and God forbid something happens you still got to express your love to each other in a formal setting. I understand!! For your question on to get flowers or not I say YES!! If that is what you want. Although I would do a simple bouquet of loosely tied flowers that are simple and small. Your larger Dream bouquet can came next year if thats what you choose.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:66767554-e55e-4fa2-8dfc-d395d8714ee8">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand your reasonings for wanting a ceramony before he deploys<strong>. The cold hard facts are if you are husband and wife you will get the benifits of being a Military wife and God forbid something happens you still got to express your love to each other in a formal setting. </strong>I understand!! For your question on to get flowers or not I say YES!! If that is what you want. Although I would do a simple bouquet of loosely tied flowers that are simple and small. Your larger Dream bouquet can came next year if thats what you choose.
Posted by NICOLE7992[/QUOTE]

But I know personally many military couples who wait until after to marry, so it isn't an absolute necessity.

And I have nothing against marrying before deployment. But why do you have to have a second "wedding" after? Why not just have the wedding you want before he ships out, or if you can't afford that right now, then have the smaller ceremony and be OK with it. It is a CHOICE to marry before deployment. So if you choose that, then be OK with it.

Peavy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:745a2b41-922c-454f-b85f-fed0d99330bb">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto GLB. It sounds like this is kind of a done deal already, but <strong>you shouldn't really have two weddings so close together. </strong>Why not just wait until after deployment and have the big fancy wedding you truly want?
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

Actually, you really shouldn't have two weddings...at all.  Your courthouse wedding IS your real wedding.  It is the day you and your fiance are legally married.  If you want to have an anniversary party next year, great.  But make no mistake, it will not be your wedding, because your wedding is taking place at the courthouse.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:9699c088-f301-4c73-ba82-1c9b3cd7556a">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet?? : Actually, you really shouldn't have two weddings...at all.  Your courthouse wedding IS your real wedding.  It is the day you and your fiance are legally married.  If you want to have an anniversary party next year, great.  But make no mistake, it will not be your wedding, because your wedding is taking place at the courthouse.
Posted by Peavy[/QUOTE]

I know; I probably should have said have a wedding and then have a vow renewal so close together. That's what I meant. Or put second "wedding" in quotes.

Read my second post in this thread that I posted while you were writing. I definitely don't support two "weddings."

Peavy

Summerbride -- I quoted you for OP, not for you.  I know that we are like-minded on this subject.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:b8696a22-bdb5-4d7d-85a9-454255ee9468">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]Summerbride -- I quoted you for OP, not for you.  I know that we are like-minded on this subject.
Posted by Peavy[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> I really want the OP to let us know why she has to have two "wedding" ceremonies. I'm curious what the reasoning is.

pretzelgrrl

If the second one is in a church-it may be making the wedding valid to her religion.  I know the catholic church does not recognize courthouse weddings.  We got married in a unitarian church because my fiance was divorced and we were not going to get the anullment in time so my mom wanted to pay for a catholic ceremony (it would only be my husband and me and maybe immediate family).

Peavy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:50fa3a76-e0fa-43bd-ad7e-1aa31a176f4f">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]If the second one is in a church-it may be making the wedding valid to her religion.  I know the catholic church does not recognize courthouse weddings.  We got married in a unitarian church because my fiance was divorced and we were not going to get the anullment in time so my mom wanted to pay for a catholic ceremony (it would only be my husband and me and maybe immediate family).
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

This is a valid reason to get married twice.  And so is the guest list -- immediate family only.  What it is not is an excuse to have a do-over production wedding with attendants, big poofy dress, and a huge reception.  OP said that they were having their "wedding" next year when her husband returns from deployment and she graduates.  But they will already have been married for a year.  Seems kind of pointless to do it over.

Adam is my hunny

First I'd like to say that I posted a QUESTION, looking for an ANSWER.  I do not appreciate your rude and discouraging remarks.  You may have your opinions about marriage and "weddings' but that is NOT what I was asking for.  I feel like you turned my post into your own conversatin between you instead of HELPING a bride with a question.  

I'm so dissapointed and frustrated but i am still not going to explain myself or my situation to you.  We have many reasons for having a civil ceremony now and a religious ceremony and large reception later.  You have no clue what goes on behind people's decisions.  Try to keep that in mind before you insult a stranger next time.   

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:d6584b25-2476-4f65-a73d-8dd0ed44efc6">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]First I'd like to say that I posted a QUESTION, looking for an ANSWER.  I do not appreciate your rude and discouraging remarks.  You may have your opinions about marriage and "edding' but that is NOT what I was asking for.  I feel like you turned my post into your own conversatin between you instead of HELPING a bride with a question.   I'm so dissapointed and frustrated but i am still not going to explain myself or my situation to you.  We have many reasons for having a civil ceremony now and a religious ceremony and large reception later.  You have no clue what goes on behind people's decisions.  Try to keep that in mind before you insult a stranger next time.   
Posted by Adam is my hunny[/QUOTE]

Too bad. You posted on a public forum which means we can respond to whatever we want to.  It is a fact that you cannot marry twice unless there is an intervening divorce.  Regardless of whether you asked about it, we are going to tell you when you are planning something inappropriate.

I have a feeling you are using your FI's deployment as an excuse to do this which is why I advised you to ask the ladies on the Military Brides board under Special Topics - since I would bet this is what we "have no clue" about.

Gabrielle76

First, to answer your question, sure, carry a bouquet if you want, flowers are pretty, and it doesn't hurt anything.  But you can only have one wedding, and that's the day you become man and wife. Also, your right, no one has any clue about what you're doing unless you tell them, but then we're going to give advice based on the information you've given.  However, unless the part you left out was ''we're getting divorced right after, and will re-marry the next year", the plan is still inappropriate.  No one on this thread makes the rules/customs, we just share what they are.

loca4pook

Wow, such criticisms for her when all she was asking was about flowers. I get why she wants two "weddings" and that is her business. she came to ask about flowers, that's it, people


yes, if you want flowers, have them....

loca4pook

P.S. One of my best friend did this as well.

Her husband to be suddenly was told he was going to be deployed. They did a quickie ceremony so they could be legally wed, but then months later held a traditional ceremony and wedding so everyone could be included. Since she lived across the country, I couldn't do the "quickie" one and never even thought twice about it being weird when I attended the regular one ...


I also don't think people understand that religions is important so eome people thus they want the church wedding. I am catholic and my church requires 6 months notice to get married, so "quickie" ceremonies wouldn't even be allowed if I were in her situation so I ABSOLUTELY would want to do another one at a later time, too

PLease ignore the rude people here and do what you want.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:cca0a321-d604-4a94-a2be-7f83b39116d4">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]P.S. <strong>One of my best friend did this as well. Her husband to be suddenly was told he was going to be deployed. They did a quickie ceremony</strong>so they could be legally wed, but then months later held a traditional ceremony and wedding so everyone could be included. Since she lived across the country, I couldn't do the "quickie" one and never even thought twice about it being weird when I attended the regular one ... I also don't think people understand that religions is important so eome people thus they want the church wedding.<strong> I am catholic and my church requires 6 months notice to get married, so "quickie" ceremonies wouldn't even be allowed if I were in her situation so I ABSOLUTELY would want to do another one at a later time</strong>, too PLease ignore the rude people here and do what you want.
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

I am sick of hearing this as an excuse.  DH works as a civilian contractor for the US military and I've had the opportunity to ask a two star general and his wife about this recent trend to do a JOP and then have a "real" wedding.  The wife said she found it insulting because generations of couples had always made the choice whether to wait or have a quickie wedding understanding that it was their wedding.  These fake PPD weddings are an insult to the many women and men who had a courthouse ceremony because it is saying that these were not real weddings.  The General said he was disgusted by service people and their spouses who do this.  They don't consider themselves "married" for purposes of the wedding but have no trouble being married in order to get on health insurance, get base housing and if they are widowed, survivor benefits.  Take a stroll on the Military Brides board and you will see that this is the general opinion.

As for the Catholic wedding, I am also Catholic and will tell you right now that you don't get a do over wedding there either.  You get a convalidation ceremony which does not have any of the bells and whistles of a wedding.  You also have to have had a damn good reason for not being married in the church to begin with, like you fell out of the faith have returned and want your marriage recognized by the church. 

FluffyGumDrop2

If your religion is that important to you then why not do it "correctly" the first time? Clearly getting married for the benefits and whatever other reasons are why you're doing it. I'm also a military brat and I find this whole thing insulting to both the military and whatever your religion may be. 

There is nothing wrong with getting married at the courthouse and lots of people do it. You're wanting a pretty princess day and won't own up to it. Just admit it and stop using everything else as an excuse. Your situation is not unique but go ahead and make a mockery of two of the things that seem important in your life, the military and religion. 

Edit: I reread my post and I realized it came off really harsh, so I'm sorry. I just don't understand why you don't wait a year and do it how you seem to want. It seems like you want the religious wedding with all your family and friends, so why are you doing it now? What's wrong with waiting a year?

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:7029bb0c-148b-484d-8bda-896ebaa2527d">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, as far as the "religion" thing goes, many pastors will gladly marry a couple on the spot without it taking a lot of time or money.  My grandfather has married people in their living rooms, his living room, and the church all with less than 24 hours notice because they wanted to make it a point to be married in a religious ceremony.  Heck, my uncle performed a religious ceremony in the delivery room for one couple in his church.  So, the whole "you need the do-over to get the religious aspect of it" is bunk.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I totaly agree with you on the whole no do-over but what you said here does not cover the
"religion" thing if you are talking about a catholic wedding because catholics can only get married in a church....so the whole do-over for religious aspect is not bunk but I agree with a PP that it does not HAVE to be a huge wedding it can be a convalidation.  But, what is the difference between having no audience for a courthouse wedding and a big audience for a convalidation (maybe not a bridal party) versus having a big audience for a courthouse wedding and no audience for convalidation.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:ec7bbfba-b272-49ec-b764-ef7594d0f449">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet?? : I totaly agree with you on the whole no do-over but what you said here does not cover the "religion" thing if you are talking about a catholic wedding because catholics can only get married in a church....so the whole do-over for religious aspect is not bunk but I agree with a PP that it does not HAVE to be a huge wedding it can be a convalidation.  But, what is the difference between having no audience for a courthouse wedding and a big audience for a convalidation (maybe not a bridal party) versus having a big audience for a courthouse wedding and no audience for convalidation.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

If you are Catholic, it CANNOT be a wedding if you are already married.  It MUST be a convalidation which means no dress, no BP, no dad walking you down the aisle.  It also means (since there is no wedding) no reception that includes cake cutting, spotlight dances, tosses or anything that you see only at a wedding reception.

OP has the right to get married but she does not have the right to get married to get military benefits <em>and then</em>throw herself a PPD "real" wedding.  Part of being a grownup means making real grown up choices.  Friends of mine married in law school when they found out they were going to be parents.  They did a JOP and even though both are successful attorneys and could throw one hell of a do-over wedding they shut down every person asking when they are going to have their real wedding by saying "We had our real wedding and don't regret the way we did it at all."  They had a Convalidation ceremony in the church a few years later that was attended only by their immediate family.

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:29e13de0-db51-4fb8-82c6-5025a167f788">Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet?? : If you are Catholic, it CANNOT be a wedding if you are already married.  It MUST be a convalidation which means no dress, no BP, no dad walking you down the aisle.  It also means (since there is no wedding) no reception that includes cake cutting, spotlight dances, tosses or anything that you see only at a wedding reception. OP has the right to get married but she does not have the right to get married to get military benefits and then throw herself a PPD "real" wedding.  Part of being a grownup means making real grown up choices.  Friends of mine married in law school when they found out they were going to be parents.  They did a JOP and even though both are successful attorneys and could throw one hell of a do-over wedding they shut down every person asking when they are going to have their real wedding by saying "We had our real wedding and don't regret the way we did it at all."  They had a Convalidation ceremony in the church a few years later that was attended only by their immediate family.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]
Yes, but some churches have big convalidations meaning a lot of people there and a big dress (but maybe no bridal party and reception) because in some priests/churches eyes they consider the convalidation a big deal because to the church it is your first ceremony/wedding since it is the 1st vows in front of god.  I don't necessarily agree with this but some churches do.  My friend had a small immediate family convalidation and the priest was shocked tht she wasn't inviting all the same people from the 1st ceremony.

NO2012

In Response to Re:Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??:[QUOTE]First of all, as far as the "religion" thing goes, many pastors will gladly marry a couple on the spot without it taking a lot of time or money.nbsp; My grandfather has married people in their living rooms, his living room, and the church all with less than 24 hours notice because they wanted to make it a point to be married in a religious ceremony.nbsp; Heck, my uncle performed a religious ceremony in the delivery room for one couple in his church.nbsp; So, the whole "you need the doover to get the religious aspect of it" is bunk. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Catholics can't get married in a living room. Ever. FYI.

annie912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_couthouse-wedding-flower-bouquet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c4c130-467b-4f47-9367-526422d96085Post:93fd9b33-523e-44ba-b170-f9d926850fe9">Re:Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Couthouse wedding; flower bouquet??:

Catholics can't get married in a living room. Ever. FYI.
Posted by NO2012[/QUOTE]



Not completely true. If one member of the couple is not Catholic, in some cases a priest can perform the ceremony outside of a church and to my knowledge there is not a list of approved non-church venues which excludes living rooms. Note, this is not ALL cases where there is a non-Catholic in the couple, but saying they cannot do that EVER is inaccurate. Also, from what I was told by my priest at the time of my first marriage (I have since stopped being a practicing Catholic), there is some variability from one diocese to another as to how those types of marriages are handled.

Lisa50

DO I CARRY A BOUQUET??  If you like flowers, sure .. carry a bouquet.

DO I WALK DOWN THE ISLE?  If there is an aisle, why not?  You should scope out the setting first.

I know you didn't mention this, but it is important ... make sure you have a photographer on-hand.  Commemorating one's wedding with photography is essential. 

Enjoy!

DaveandRoxy

Have you ever visted the courthouse you're actually getting married at? I attended my dad's second wedding which was at a courthouse. Kind of a depressing scene. People waiting in line and what not, feels more like you're waiting for jury duty. I didn't notice anyone there with a bouquet. If it's important to you then why not? But it's not really like all vows and romantic, the ceremony is usually like 10-15min. Personally, I think 2 weddings is in poor taste. No one wants to watch your "re-enactment" of what could have been, they want the real thing.