Wedding Party

Just a tiny vent.

Hello, I am looking for a little bit of advice. My fiancé sister is getting married sometime next year, we are getting married too however their wedding date is before ours. Now my fiancé has stated that his sister asked him if our son could be in the wedding which is fine with me, I think. Lol. Well I guess I am a little, and I mean a very little upset because I know for a FACT she is not asking me to be a bridesmaid, our relationship has not been the best it is STABLE now but we have had rocky road. I completely understand her not asking me to be one, and I completely understand her wanting her nephew to be in the wedding but I can't help but be a little human for a minute and allow my feelings to come forth. Sigh I guess this is not really a post for advice just a little vent I guess. I think it will just suck to see my fiancé and my son included and not me, lets hope I will at least get to sit near him during the reception.

Re: Just a tiny vent.

  • I guess you ladies are right her sister said the same thing to just enjoy myself. Believe it or not she didn't even ask her sister to be one!
  • I know you can't help your feelings, so let yourself feel a bit hurt.  But your FSIL has done nothing wrong and I wouldn't say anything to her or anyone else.  In fact, not choosing you as a BM was probably a good move on her part if you all aren't that close anyway.  It would be rude for her to seat you separately from your FI during the reception but, alas, that doesn't mean some wedding couples don't do it anyway.

    Granted, this is personal lol, but I also don't find it weird she didn't ask her sister either.  My sister only had one attendant, her MOH, and she chose her best friend.  I was not asked to be in her WP and that was totally fine.  We're friendly.  We love each other.  But we're also not that close and I didn't necessarily expect to be asked.  Now, I'm not going to lie, if she'd had a bigger 6+ person WP, I would have been hurt she didn't ask me.  However, I would never have expressed that to anyone except my b/f (now H).

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    InLoveInQueens
  • That does probably hurt, and you're smart to vent here instead of to your FI :) I think you're totally within your rights to be a little hurt, but it also seems like you recognize you need to eventually  move on.

    She kind of did you a favor; if you guys aren't that close, it may be weird for you to be involved in the WP activities, etc. I know a lot of families where it's kind of "tradition" that siblings are always in the WP, but that kind of seems to be changing. Think of the money and time you'll save ;) The other positive is that if your son needs a little supervision during the ceremony, you'll be free and able to sit with him, remove him, etc. That might be less stressful on you.

    I do think your FI could ask his sister if you could be included in the family photos though. We included BIL's then-FI in ours, and that's something that's pretty common (especially since you guys are married!). 
    short+sassyInLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Well, I experienced that at my cousin's wedding when my father and brother were asked to push my grandfather's wheelchair in the processional, but I was not asked to be in the wedding.

    As things turned out, my cousin's now divorced.

    I'd consider it a bullet dodged that you're not in this wedding.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello, I am looking for a little bit of advice. My fiancé sister is getting married sometime next year, we are getting married too however their wedding date is before ours. Now my fiancé has stated that his sister asked him if our son could be in the wedding which is fine with me, I think. Lol. Well I guess I am a little, and I mean a very little upset because I know for a FACT she is not asking me to be a bridesmaid, our relationship has not been the best it is STABLE now but we have had rocky road. I completely understand her not asking me to be one, and I completely understand her wanting her nephew to be in the wedding but I can't help but be a little human for a minute and allow my feelings to come forth. Sigh I guess this is not really a post for advice just a little vent I guess. I think it will just suck to see my fiancé and my son included and not me, lets hope I will at least get to sit near him during the reception.
    Let's hope if you are separated, that your husband pulls a chair up to the table at which you and your son are seated.  That would be a big "Oh hell no" with me if he was seated at a bridal party table.

    You also no longer need to worry about whether you should ask her to be in your wedding party.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Bullet dodged - one less expense for you!!  You're entitled to your feelings but as others said, better to vent here than with your FI on this one.  I "get" where you're coming from (I was the only sibling out at my Brother's wedding).  OTOH, you just saved yourself at least $600-1500 by the time all parties, showers, etc. are factored in.  Now you can show up to these and have fun without the obligation other than making sure your Son looks adorable the day-of (also if given the option, kids suits are cheaper to purchase than renting!)..  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Wtf to possibly not sitting together at the reception?? That'd have me much more ticked off than someone I'm not close to not asking me to be  a BM.  
    As far as feeling excluded- this is a good place to vent.  I'm sorry if your feelings were a bit hurt.  Logistically though, parents of FGs and RBs have a lot on their plate on a wedding day.  My older DD was a FG in H's cousin's wedding last fall (H was a GM) and it would have been tricky if I'd been a BM.  Not impossible but it was nice to focus on my daughter's role pre-wedding and at the ceremony and just be a guest at the reception.
    InLoveInQueens
  • In all of this I think this is one of those things that can go either way.   We often advise people to not pick family members to be in the bridal party in the hopes that it makes them closer.   So perhaps the bride is also thinking of that advice that hangs around.

    I'd hope that she's being thoughtful enough to seat you together and maybe as the planning commences, you can mention ways that you can be seated near him for the ability to help during the ceremony. 

    Not asking you to be a BM to me is a non-issue.   However you shouldn't be split from your FI for anything other than the ceremony. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I wasn't asked to be in my brother's weddings.  I was disappointed.  Until I saw the dresses.    OMG, did I dodge a bullet on that one.  My sister was jealous of my awesome dress I got to wear in the family pictures compared to the BM dress she had to wear.  Ha.


    My BIL got married and I was the only family member (in-laws included) not in the wedding.  NBD. I was still in the family pictures.   I'm not close to her at all.  Mostly because we live across the country from each other and she is much younger.      Again, my dress looked better than the BM's anyway  :tongue:  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    MesmrEweeileenrobshort+sassySP29
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