Friend Is Angry She's Not a Bridesmaid
This week, one of my close friends from college asked me to be her Maid of Honor. While I was thrilled to be asked, my stomach sank because I had not asked this girl to be a Bridesmaid in my own wedding. My fiancé and I have had a two-year engagement and are set to get married next year. She just recently got engaged a few months ago and planned her wedding two months after mine.
She and I roomed together in college and were really close. After college, I moved away and we never really saw each other and only texted once in a while. I think in 4 years I saw her a total of 3 times when I came home. She started texting me constantly when my fiancé and I got engaged. All of a sudden I was interesting enough to talk to.
My fiancé and I moved home 8 months ago and we drove to see her and her boyfriend (before they got engaged). She made a comment about the type of dress she wanted as a BM. I laughed and changed the subject. I had already picked my BMs.
I chose my BMs based on who made an effort to talk/see me after I had moved across the country. She didn’t fall into that category and I had assumed we drifted apart. The times I did see her after college, she was extremely negative and it was exhausting to try to keep everything upbeat. When we were invited out with friends to an event, she refused to participate in things our friends were doing. I would make an effort to hang out and talk to her while everyone else was having fun.
When she got engaged, I sent her a little gift because she IS my friend and I DO love her, I just didn’t have room for her in my wedding. When she asked me to be her MOH, I knew I needed to tell her she wasn’t in my wedding party. I tried to keep it all about her and positive – telling her I wanted to be upfront with her and wanted to keep my BP a reasonable size. I’m still not convinced this was the right thing to do.She said, “Yeah I figured.” I was so happy, I thought this meant she wasn’t offended and appreciated my honesty. I was wrong because then she started being extremely passive aggressive and later in the day it got worse. She wrote, “It’s fine. You are just a great person with lots of friends and I just didn’t make the cut it’s fine.”
I don't know how to handle this situation. I've hurt her feelings and embarrassed her and I feel terrible, but I don't want to sacrifice my own sanity to make her feel better.