Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid dress issue--who should pay in this specific case?

edited August 9 in Moms and Maids
Hi! I have a delicate situation on my hands. I'm a bride, and my bridesmaids got their dresses from Alfred Angelo. 3 of the 4 BMs received their dresses. one BM waited a LONG TIME before putting in her order, and now is obviously affected by the Alfred Angelo bankruptcy. It is likely that she will NOT receive her BM gown. she has filed a money claim, but we don't know how long that will take. But if the claim goes through--she'll receive a refund (either from her credit card, or through Alfred Angelo, although that's less likely). 

In order to keep her in the party, we all (together) came up with the plan that the MOH (who has her Alfred Angelo gown) would "give" her gown to the BM in question, since they are similar size. THEN we would have to get MOH a new dress (probably from David's Bridal, whatever). 

The question now becomes this--MOH is now paying double, she'll essentially have had paid for two dresses! BM in question doesn't have a dress. Should she offer to pay the MOH for the MOH's Alfred Angelo dress? Should I, the bride, pay for the MOH's new dress? Should the BM in question back out of the wedding if she doesn't want to pay/can't afford it? 

We are all friends, and I want to keep the peace! But in some way, someone is getting shafted regarding money. I've already bought their jewelry and I'm paying for hair and makeup. Do I suck it up, buttercup and offer to pay? Or should BM in question offer to pay? I personally think it's not fair that MOH has to pay for two dresses, one of which is going to BM.

What should we do? 


Re: Bridesmaid dress issue--who should pay in this specific case?

  • I'm going to almost copy what @JediElizabeth said :).  The one person who should not have to pay for two dresses is the MOH.  If I were the bride, that would be a big no.

    The best case scenario would be for the BM to just pay the MOH for the dress she is taking.  She will be out the money for two dresses, but will (hopefully) eventually get refunded for the first one.

    However, I realize it is not in everyone's finances to do that.  Worse case scenario, I think you should pay your MOH for the dress being given to BM with the stipulation that BM pays you back when she gets her refund.  Of course, the bummer is that, if something goes awry with all the refund.  Or she only gets a partial refund.  Then you might end up being out that money.

    Even worse, your BM could get the refund.  And then just never pay you back.  I know you're probably thinking, "No way, she would never do that to me."  But people always shock me in how sh***y they can be when it comes to money.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    JediElizabethknottief16b91b9887217a6
  • I think the BM doesn't need the same dress to be in the WP (bolded). That said I think the plan is fine for MOH to give her the dress and have MOH get something else. I don't think it's right however for either of them to front the extra money. When is your wedding? I'd say give it a few weeks to see if the refund/claim happens and then BM can give the money to the MOH before MOH gets a new dress. If you don't have much time I do think you should front the money for either the new MOH dress or the BM dress. 

    (Knottie1464718599 said:
    Hi! I have a delicate situation on my hands. I'm a bride, and my bridesmaids got their dresses from Alfred Angelo. 3 of the 4 BMs received their dresses. one BM waited a LONG TIME before putting in her order, and now is obviously affected by the Alfred Angelo bankruptcy. It is likely that she will NOT receive her BM gown. she has filed a money claim, but we don't know how long that will take. But if the claim goes through--she'll receive a refund (either from her credit card, or through Alfred Angelo, although that's less likely). 

    In order to keep her in the party, we all (together) came up with the plan that the MOH (who has her Alfred Angelo gown) would "give" her gown to the BM in question, since they are similar size. THEN we would have to get MOH a new dress (probably from David's Bridal, whatever). 

    The question now becomes this--MOH is now paying double, she'll essentially have had paid for two dresses! BM in question doesn't have a dress. Should she offer to pay the MOH for the MOH's Alfred Angelo dress? Should I, the bride, pay for the MOH's new dress? Should the BM in question back out of the wedding if she doesn't want to pay/can't afford it? (she hasn't offered up any information, regarding money or backing out, yet). 

    We are all friends, and I want to keep the peace! But in some way, someone is getting shafted regarding money. I've already bought their jewelry and I'm paying for hair and makeup. Do I suck it up, buttercup and offer to pay? Or should BM in question offer to pay? I personally think it's not fair that MOH has to pay for two dresses, one of which is going to BM.

    What should we do? 



    InLoveInQueens
  • O.k. this is "Crisis management"...  BM who didn't order her dress early enough is the one ultimately SOL.  I'd recommend checking ebay or the other used dress sites (the ladies on here can give you good rec's) to see if you can find a BM dress in that color/style first.  Do what you can for purchasing a replacement dress for the MOH and if the BM gets the money back on her CC then pay you back as the worst case scenario.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    short+sassySP29
  • When is your wedding? Did the last BM to order still order her dress within their stated shipping time? If so, she did nothing wrong. AA is the only one in the wrong here.

    Your MOH is very nice to make that offer. The BM without the AA dress shouldn't be kicked out of your wedding for not having the matching dress. I as the bride would reimburse your MOH and wait for your BM to reimburse me once she gets money back from AA. If you're requiring they all wear the same dress and have a similar "look" (as I assume from your OP), then you should be the one to put out extra money for that.
    lovesclimbingcharlotte989875
  • MobKaz said

    At first glance, this screams micromanagement.

    Buying their jewelry has NOTHING to do with this equation or issue.  If you are insisting they wear matching accessories, then that cost should be on you. This should not be considered a "gift" to them.  Are you paying for hair and make up because you all want them to have a uniform look?  Are you paying for hair and make up because YOU want them all professionally styled?  That again would be YOUR burden, and again not considered a gift.  PLEASE tell me you are not cloning your BM's and insisting they wear the same hair style.

    Did this last BM wait a LONG time before ordering her dress, or did you insist they purchase them LONG before it was necessary?  This BM may have waited for financial reasons.

    The situation is unfortunate, but it should not preclude anyone from participating in the wedding.  If customers are being assured their money will be returned, then have BM find a dress that aligns with the AA dresses.  For the most part, all BM dresses look the same.  Hopefully she can afford to do that while waiting for her refund.

    The second option is to hope this BM has something in her closet that may resemble or coordinate with what the wedding party is wearing.

    The last option is for you to pay for a second dress.  It sucks, but there is not much else that can be done. 



    OP here....yikes. Why all the hate about a bride wanting a similar "look" for their bridal party? It's not micromanaging, in my opinion. I only wanted similar gowns. I took all their opinions into consideration, they ended up making the final decision and the dress looks great on all of them! They agreed and I was extremely budget conscious. No, they're not going to be "clones"...quite the judgment. 

     Also, clarification on another judgment, their hair and makeup is NOT their "gift". Some of my BMs (including her) were interested in makeup, and I thought it would be a nice gesture to pay. So I'm paying. There will be other gifts, these are my people, I apologize if my original post seemed insincere?  



  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    MobKaz said

    At first glance, this screams micromanagement.

    Buying their jewelry has NOTHING to do with this equation or issue.  If you are insisting they wear matching accessories, then that cost should be on you. This should not be considered a "gift" to them.  Are you paying for hair and make up because you all want them to have a uniform look?  Are you paying for hair and make up because YOU want them all professionally styled?  That again would be YOUR burden, and again not considered a gift.  PLEASE tell me you are not cloning your BM's and insisting they wear the same hair style.

    Did this last BM wait a LONG time before ordering her dress, or did you insist they purchase them LONG before it was necessary?  This BM may have waited for financial reasons.

    The situation is unfortunate, but it should not preclude anyone from participating in the wedding.  If customers are being assured their money will be returned, then have BM find a dress that aligns with the AA dresses.  For the most part, all BM dresses look the same.  Hopefully she can afford to do that while waiting for her refund.

    The second option is to hope this BM has something in her closet that may resemble or coordinate with what the wedding party is wearing.

    The last option is for you to pay for a second dress.  It sucks, but there is not much else that can be done. 



    OP here....yikes. Why all the hate about a bride wanting a similar "look" for their bridal party? It's not micromanaging, in my opinion. I only wanted similar gowns. I took all their opinions into consideration, they ended up making the final decision and the dress looks great on all of them! They agreed and I was extremely budget conscious. No, they're not going to be "clones"...quite the judgment. 

     Also, clarification on another judgment, their hair and makeup is NOT their "gift". Some of my BMs (including her) were interested in makeup, and I thought it would be a nice gesture to pay. So I'm paying. There will be other gifts, these are my people, I apologize if my original post seemed insincere?  




    There is no hate about it, but it's something only you care about, and the current situation is not your BM's fault, even though she waited longer than others to order. So if this is something you want, you need to pay for it. There should be no reason she should feel she needs to back out over a stupid dress.

    Anniversary

    eileenrobMyNameIsNotPrettyGirlLost
  • I'd have the MOH keep her dress and you and the BM go shopping for a new dress.  If you want a certain look or if the BM wants to match the others, look online before shopping to see which stores (David's Bridal, Macy's, etc.) carry a similar dress.  I think you should pay for it up front, and if/when your BM gets reimbursed, she could pay you back.  The whole AA thing is a mess, I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this.
    If buying the new BM dress puts you over your budget, a good place to cut back is let your WP wear their own jewelry and do their own hair and MU.
    knottief16b91b9887217a6charlotte989875
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    MobKaz said

    At first glance, this screams micromanagement.

    Buying their jewelry has NOTHING to do with this equation or issue.  If you are insisting they wear matching accessories, then that cost should be on you. This should not be considered a "gift" to them.  Are you paying for hair and make up because you all want them to have a uniform look?  Are you paying for hair and make up because YOU want them all professionally styled?  That again would be YOUR burden, and again not considered a gift.  PLEASE tell me you are not cloning your BM's and insisting they wear the same hair style.

    Did this last BM wait a LONG time before ordering her dress, or did you insist they purchase them LONG before it was necessary?  This BM may have waited for financial reasons.

    The situation is unfortunate, but it should not preclude anyone from participating in the wedding.  If customers are being assured their money will be returned, then have BM find a dress that aligns with the AA dresses.  For the most part, all BM dresses look the same.  Hopefully she can afford to do that while waiting for her refund.

    The second option is to hope this BM has something in her closet that may resemble or coordinate with what the wedding party is wearing.

    The last option is for you to pay for a second dress.  It sucks, but there is not much else that can be done. 



    OP here....yikes. Why all the hate about a bride wanting a similar "look" for their bridal party? It's not micromanaging, in my opinion. I only wanted similar gowns. I took all their opinions into consideration, they ended up making the final decision and the dress looks great on all of them! They agreed and I was extremely budget conscious. No, they're not going to be "clones"...quite the judgment. 

     Also, clarification on another judgment, their hair and makeup is NOT their "gift". Some of my BMs (including her) were interested in makeup, and I thought it would be a nice gesture to pay. So I'm paying. There will be other gifts, these are my people, I apologize if my original post seemed insincere?  



    No hate whatsoever.  These women are your friends, each with their own style and taste.  If this were not a wedding, would there be any question as to how they should dress and look?  A wedding is a celebration of love, family, and friendship.  I don't know why a cloned look becomes a necessity.  I can understand the matching dress craze (although I am eternally grateful my daughter did not insist on that), but when brides start to dictate hair styles and make up, it tells me that friendship got lost in the insanity. 

    Your issue was with a dress.  You brought up hair and make up.  Neither of those variables actually factor in to the dress debacle.  Did you pay for the jewelry because you wanted them all to wear the same jewelry?  In my book, that is micromanaging.  We have had many brides on the boards insist that their BM wear the exact same hair style and have make up professionally done "for pictures".  Do you only cherish pictures with friends when they have similar looks?  Of course not. 

    Wedding party cloning is not a judgment; it is a frequent fact pushed by the bridal industry. 
    InLoveInQueensMyNameIsNotPrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I'm sorry your bridesmaid is caught in the Alfred Angelo mess.

    I agree with PPs that I would either allow the bridesmaid to wear a different dress or reimburse the MOH for her dress and give it to the bridesmaid while letting the MOH pick a different dress.
    InLoveInQueens
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