Wedding Woes

I think this is the opposite of a letter from a few weeks ago?

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend of 10 years recently proposed. I accepted, but I don’t think I should have. He’s my best friend and I love him, but he’s very uninhibited. He’s into every type of fetish or “odd” sexual behavior there is. Exhibitionism and voyeurism, homemade porn, BDSM, urine/scat, blood, orgies—just to name a few. He wears high heels everywhere unless it’s impractical or not allowed. I am very vanilla, which I quickly realized after trying to participate in his sexual adventures, including exploring his bi-curiosity. Outside of that, we get along well, which is why we’ve been together so long. Do you think it’s OK to ask him to turn it down? I still feel guilty because when we met he was in an open relationship but cut it off to be exclusively with me.

—Inhibited

Re: I think this is the opposite of a letter from a few weeks ago?

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 10
    How in the world has this not been discussed over the course of 10 years?!  I imagine there has been some physical activity - how has LW acted so far, or how has the FI acted?

    ETA: I obvs know what urine is ... what does "scat" refer too?  I would Google it, but I'm at school and don't want search for anything potentially inappropriate while on the school network.

    Anniversary
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • You've been with him 10yrs and this is an issue now?
    Somehow I don't buy it.

    If I wasn't compatible sexually with someone, I don't honestly think I'd stick around - especially when the other person is so open to many things and I realized I wasn't.

    I mean there's also a difference in relationships.
    With M, I'm more open to experimenting in things {nothing too kinky} but with others it wasn't even an option.
    short+sassyOurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I think there is something missing here. 

    For 10 years LW's SO gave up all of his fetishes?  LW says she's vanilla, but does she participate willingly in SO's fetishes?  If she does, I wouldn't call her vanilla.  If she does not, where is the SO finding his release for these fetishes?  She says their relationship is not open, but based on the fetishes listed - some of them need a willing partner.

    Either way - this is a LONGGGGGG overdue conversation between LW and SO.

    OurWildKingdomVarunaTT
  • Don't ask him to turn it down, but also don't agree to anything you're not comfortable. Do have a long and honest conversation about your expectations of one another in a marriage. 
    OurWildKingdomernursej
  • So sex is a big deal. I don't think the issue is what they are into/not into, but rather that they are not working on being compatible together. I think they need to sit down ASAP and have a long conversation (and it will take many long conversations) to figure out what to do.
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875VarunaTT
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