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Fired MOH

Hi everyone! 
well this is my first post and I have no idea where to start. My discussion title is intense but I did fire my MOH. We have been friends since high school and just last week I received a text from her saying "it has never been a friendship, I did not reciprocate anything, and she's been such a great friend to me." After that, I simply asked for the dress back that I paid for because I was already upset and wondered to myself, do I really want her apart of mine and my fiancé's big day? Well I kept texting her that we needed to talk asap but I got no response. I gave her a week and finally talked with her. I got no where, then she says I am shady, she does not know me anymore, and I simply told her good luck and walked away (officially end of friendship). In her mind she thinks she's being blamed, i don't know what for, but I just don't get the genuine friendship anymore. I do think she is jealous at the fact that I am moving on and I am not that 21 year old that I used to be. I guess weddings really show your true friends...

I will give her time, but will that solve anything?

thanks for listening!
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Re: Fired MOH

  • She just said she is over everything going on in her life. I don't understand why she couldn't say this in person instead of a text. Only goes to show what kind of person she really is I guess? I don't doubt myself on ending the friendship. 
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    She just said she is over everything going on in her life. I don't understand why she couldn't say this in person instead of a text. Only goes to show what kind of person she really is I guess? I don't doubt myself on ending the friendship. 
    What happened leading up to this, though?  



    Anniversary
    InLoveInQueensnightnerd
  • Yikes. So, "firing" someone from your wedding is a friendship-ending move. Are you ready for that? Also, since being in the wedding isn't a paid job, you didn't really fire her.

    I think we need more context here. What is she saying you did that was so awful? Have you been a good friend to her through the wedding planning, or have you just been focused on your wedding? It's important to maintain relationships outside of the wedding, because "your day" isn't as important to anyone else as it is to you.
    short+sassynightnerd

  • I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
     
    At one point, this person was close enough to you that you asked her to be your MOH. What happened? 

    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueensTrixieJess
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
    What exactly does this involve? 



    Anniversary
    TrixieJess

  • She just said she is over everything going on in her life. I don't understand why she couldn't say this in person instead of a text. Only goes to show what kind of person she really is I guess? I don't doubt myself on ending the friendship. 
    What happened leading up to this, though?  
    To be honest I don't know. I just told her that we couldn't meet up for dinner one night before I left for vacation and she was cold about it, then i received that message. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member

    I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
    Just, none of this (as you've stated it) makes sense. How did you not see "You've never been a true friend to me, I'm always giving and you're always taking" coming? The most likely explanation I can think of is that what she said is true - you're often so focused on yourself and your own needs that you forget to notice or ask about what's going on with other people.

    I don't think you're going to or need to repair this friendship, but maybe look at your life and your choices.

    Anniversary

    ahoyweddingclimbingwifePrettyGirlLostdrid

  • I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
     
    At one point, this person was close enough to you that you asked her to be your MOH. What happened? 
    to be honest, I am not sure. she feels that I am blaming her, but i don't know for what. I stay away from drama and this is a sucky feeling. 


  • I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
    What exactly does this involve? 
    just being someone there for me, having a genuine friendship, being supportive. 


  • I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
    What exactly does this involve? 
    just being someone there for me, having a genuine friendship, being supportive. 
    But like what does "being there for you" and "having a genuine friendship" mean? If your friend says she's "over everything in her life," being a genuine friend would mean YOU take a turn to support HER.

    Are you wanting her to be there for you by talking about wedding stuff all the time and focusing every conversation on you?

    Also, people who say they "avoid drama" are usually the ones who actually do the opposite...
    eileenrobAustralian_girl_in_Parisnightnerd
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member


    I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
    What exactly does this involve? 
    just being someone there for me, having a genuine friendship, being supportive. 
    Listen, it sounds like you've wronged her in some way. You've done something that's made her feel this way. People generally don't just overreact and call someone a bad friend for no reason. Maybe take a long, honest look at how you've treated her. 

    short+sassyemmaaa
  • If you're really ready to end the friendship, then no you don't give her time/space/hope she's comes around. That's not ending a friendship. If you no longer want this woman in your life then ask for the dress and move on. 

    But if you do want to try and repair the friendship you need to be open to listening to what she is saying even if you don't like what you're hearing. 
    short+sassySP29
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly, this sounds like some incredibly childish drama.

    You've ended the friendship but want to give her time? You "firing" her is a friendship ending move anyway. Do you actually expect to repair this relationship. 

    I just..I don't even know. How old are you? 
    I am 24 and have never been involved in any kind of drama with any friends. but I think I have made my decision to end it, we're at the point where a friendship just isn't one anymore and you can't force it. I wish she would have told me before I asked her to be in the wedding. I always thought she would be my right hand person. I guess not..  
     
    At one point, this person was close enough to you that you asked her to be your MOH. What happened? 
    to be honest, I am not sure. she feels that I am blaming her, but i don't know for what. I stay away from drama and this is a sucky feeling. 
    What happened for which she is blaming you? 

    Staying away from drama involves getting in the middle of the lives of other people, from my POV.  You are not doing that.  You are avoiding/ignoring/walking away from a friendship in which you seem to have little or no investment.  This does not sound like a friendship on your end at all.  It sounds like you have no desire to support her or be there for her.  She is obviously going through something in her life and reached out to you.  Turning your back to it is not "avoiding drama", it is being thoughtless and selfish.
    SP29
  • LD1970LD1970
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    She just said she is over everything going on in her life.  

    To be honest I don't know. I just told her that we couldn't meet up for dinner one night before I left for vacation and she was cold about it, then i received that message.
    Those two things make me wonder if maybe she's got a lot going on, was hoping that she could have dinner with you to vent/talk about it/relax/focus on something fun... and you weren't there for her because you were focused on heading to vacation.  If that's a recurring theme in your relationship, it would easily lead to her reaction.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    short+sassymollybarker11nightnerd
  • You keep saying she's blaming you for something. What is she blaming on you? 

    This is all super vague and I feel like the missing details might explain a bit more about what is really happening here.
    image
    holyguacamole79
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    This all sounds super shady and immature. When a friend is angry, I'm shocked that your first reaction was to end the friendship. 

    It all seems so superficial. Why did you not try to find out the reasons for all of this?

    the fact that your closest friend expresses frustrations and your first reaction was to make it about your wedding, makes me this she had a point that you are self-centred.
    "Avoiding drama" = GTFO at the first sign of real feelings to deal with

    Also see: "Genuine friendship" = listening intently to all the shit about my wedding that I want to talk about, and providing oohs and aahs in the appropriate places

    Anniversary

    LondonLisalevioosamollybarker11InLoveInQueens
  • Hi everyone! 
    well this is my first post and I have no idea where to start. My discussion title is intense but I did fire my MOH. We have been friends since high school and just last week I received a text from her saying "it has never been a friendship, I did not reciprocate anything, and she's been such a great friend to me." After that, I simply asked for the dress back that I paid for because I was already upset and wondered to myself, do I really want her apart of mine and my fiancé's big day? Well I kept texting her that we needed to talk asap but I got no response. I gave her a week and finally talked with her. I got no where, then she says I am shady, she does not know me anymore, and I simply told her good luck and walked away (officially end of friendship). In her mind she thinks she's being blamed, i don't know what for, but I just don't get the genuine friendship anymore. I do think she is jealous at the fact that I am moving on and I am not that 21 year old that I used to be. I guess weddings really show your true friends...

    I will give her time, but will that solve anything?

    thanks for listening!
    I guess I'm confused over the bolded points.  You say you officially ended the friendship.  That means it's over.  I'm not sure what you intend to solve by "giving it time."  Are you hoping to rekindle the friendship?  That will take a lot of hard work, starting with an apology from you for ending it.  I'm also confused about the series of events leading to the break-up: What you have written seems to be: 
    1. Friend texted you saying you aren't a good friend.
    2. You asked for her MOH dress back, thus kicking her out of the wedding.
    3. You talked to her about the friendship; she said she doesn't know you anymore; you walked out in a huff and ended the friendship for good.  

    I don't understand what happened between #1 and #2, but I feel like there has to be more to this story than for you to want to end such a long friendship over one text message.  I also don't know why you would ask for the dress back (thereby kicking her out of the wedding, a friendship-ending move), then continue to badger her about working on the friendship, then end it again when she does discuss your friendship with you.  And now it sounds like you still want a relationship with her?  

    For your friend's sake, I think you need to let this one go.  She's not getting what she needs in a friendship from you, and you waffling back and forth about whether or not you still want to be friends with her is not going to help with all the other things she has going on in her life.  If, someday, you do want to reach out to her, you absolutely need to apologize for ending things so roughly (kicking her out of your wedding, just walking away from her), and really listen to her concerns about the way you've treated her (even if you don't believe her feelings are valid, or that you were at all self-centered, realize that her perception of you and her feelings on the matter are important to her).  
    mollybarker11
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Before you fired her did you give her the standard verbal and written warnings, before suspending her for a few days for an investigation?   


    I just do not understand my first reaction to a best friend telling me she is over life would be "firing" them from a WP.    Weddings are important events, but not the be all end all of life.      My first reaction would be saving the relationship.   Taking a step back and asking myself if I was being a good friend.

    Some couple, sadly mostly brides, go wedding crazy and stop being a good friend.  Not always, but a lot of times wedding mode takes over.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    nightnerdNiceKindaSpice
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