Bonus letter: Yeah, you need to talk about it.
I have an issue. My husband and I have been together for seven years. We are both in our 30s, working professionals. Considering my husband mentioned last week “I would just rather hang out with you than other people” I feel pretty safe that we are working as a couple that appreciates and likes/loves each other.
Our sex life ranges from AMAZING to meh and this is the issue. Occasionally my husband will be ready to go and we start to have sex and halfway through he loses his... spirit, haha. I try to not let it get to me but after it occurs he wants to keep trying to have sex and sometimes we try 3x a day to no avail. I get really upset because not only do I feel like I am killing his mood but also by the third time I just don’t.want.to.have.sex.anymore. Usually he is in a rush to have sex and many times I am barely in the mood. I will be a good sport and try for a while but usually I am so over it that I know that I am not being a very happy sexual partner. This is usually around once or twice a month.
I don’t know how to talk to my husband about this. I feel that saying “Hi I am sorry I keep killing your boner and it makes me feel bad about myself and also I need you to pay more attention to foreplay with my when you want to keep trying because the sex is so demeaning that I get anxiety” is not the best way to broach the subject. When our sex is great it’s GREAT but I don’t know how to let him know that a. I don’t know why he keeps losing his wind halfway through. Is it me? Does he need a doctor? and b. I need him to be a more attentive lover if he wants to have sex more than once a day!
My main concern is that he will think that he’s bad at sex and so then he feels more pressure to perform—not only to keep his boner but also to please me so I am not having a bad time. It feels like I am asking a lot and i am not sure if this is also something that happens to men and I shouldn’t freak out.
Hanging in there