Not Engaged Yet

Hurt by BF comments

Okay so i'm going to preface this with the fact that both my partner and I are from unconventional religions. He's Norse pagan and I'm Hellenic ( Ancient Greek Gods).

Last year I bought him a Viking Axe for Christmas and he loved and cherished it and my parents bough him a knife which he carry's with him when ever it is legal for him to ( e.g. camping).

The problem is that according to his religion we are now betrothed...

Although we have joked about this and discussed it we aren't ready to be engaged and although my family laugh about it, one of my friends is being extremely cruel about it. 

She keeps saying that we can't be engaged and that it makes no sense for that to be a proposal. It's not and if she found out how he would actually propose to me according to his beliefs she'd have a heart attack.
Shes also made a lot of comments about how even if we were engaged he's never know what sort of wedding i'd want. This conversation was brought on by us watching "don't tell the bride" and she turned round and said my SO would never be able to do that for me because he doesn't know me well enough to pick things out for me. He over heard this and then described my dream wedding, hen night ( It's part of the show that he plans the Hen night as well) and dress to her along with all the little details like flowers, cake, ring and shoes, which we've never even joked about let along discussed.

I just don't like how she belittles out relationship and beliefs. Is there anything you guys could advise other than not bringing it up because i never have it's always her. At one point one of my other friends said it was jealousy but it can't be that because unlike me she's engaged and planning her wedding with a fully committed and included FI.

Re: Hurt by BF comments

  • Is your friend by any chance a Christian?  Is so, she is not behaving like one.  Drop her.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    downtondivaJediElizabethSP29
  • Drop her. She sounds horrible.
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  • Actually she's of no religion and you guys are probably right about dropping her.

    This actually steamed from her telling me i'm stupid for not putting my relationship on FB. I don't for personal reasons as my uncle is very protective and due to a brain injury he doesn't take it very well but she made some off comment how our relationship doesn't exist because it's not on fb... I mean we put pictures up and things we've done but because he's not tagged in my relationship status that's apparently a red flag.
  • nassyv12 said:
    Actually she's of no religion and you guys are probably right about dropping her.

    This actually steamed from her telling me i'm stupid for not putting my relationship on FB. I don't for personal reasons as my uncle is very protective and due to a brain injury he doesn't take it very well but she made some off comment how our relationship doesn't exist because it's not on fb... I mean we put pictures up and things we've done but because he's not tagged in my relationship status that's apparently a red flag.
    Honestly she sounds super immature. Not that having your status on Facebook is indicative of maturity or not, but comments about it not being "Facebook official" or not respecting  you and your FIs religion and choices just seems like she's got some maturing and growing up to do. I'm not saying don't be friends but I'd probably be limiting the time I spend with her and the information I give her. 
    STARMOON44
  • nassyv12 said:
    Actually she's of no religion and you guys are probably right about dropping her.

    This actually steamed from her telling me i'm stupid for not putting my relationship on FB. I don't for personal reasons as my uncle is very protective and due to a brain injury he doesn't take it very well but she made some off comment how our relationship doesn't exist because it's not on fb... I mean we put pictures up and things we've done but because he's not tagged in my relationship status that's apparently a red flag.
    Honestly she sounds super immature. Not that having your status on Facebook is indicative of maturity or not, but comments about it not being "Facebook official" or not respecting  you and your FIs religion and choices just seems like she's got some maturing and growing up to do. I'm not saying don't be friends but I'd probably be limiting the time I spend with her and the information I give her. 
    This.

    She sounds incredibly intolerant of diverse world views to me. Is she unkind about other things (people who made different life choices when it comes to going to college, moving out of their home states, having children etc. when she did or plans to do the opposite)? She sounds like a lot of people I knew in high school, not a grown adult old enough to consider marriage, tbh.

    I'd with @charlotte989875 in that I'd at least be limiting my time with someone like that, if not dropping them altogether.
    charlotte989875ahoywedding
  • nassyv12 said:
    Actually she's of no religion and you guys are probably right about dropping her.

    This actually steamed from her telling me i'm stupid for not putting my relationship on FB. I don't for personal reasons as my uncle is very protective and due to a brain injury he doesn't take it very well but she made some off comment how our relationship doesn't exist because it's not on fb... I mean we put pictures up and things we've done but because he's not tagged in my relationship status that's apparently a red flag.
    Oh gosh, your friend sounds very immature! I'm sorry she said such hurtful things to you. It sounds like you & your partner have a good handle on the situation, and are taking things at your own speed, which is great! I would definitely limit time with her, if not slowly let the relationship fade out.

    (FWIW, I didn't put my relationship with H on FB until we were married because hey, everything doesn't have to be on the internet!)
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member

    I'm sorry your friend isn't acting very friend-like.


    But now I want to know. . . what is a traditional proposal like when one is Norse Pagan?  You mentioned she'd have a heart attack if he did it.

    SP29
  • When it comes to other people she's very accepting of various views... :/

    when it comes to the traditional Norse Pagan proposal we have actually competed the first step which is an exchange of weaponry  between the B2B the FI and the FFIL. This is meant to symbolise a promise to wed after the Fi has proven himself in battle/hunting. 

    The next step is after he's proved himself to the FFIL for the B2B and FI to fight each other to prove that the FI is strong enough to defend her and his future sons ( or daughters but the texts only ever mention boys) so he can prove himself to her.

    After that is completed he gets a newly forged knife and cuts his shield hand the B2b then cuts her sword had. this symbolises him accepting her as his shield maiden and her accepting him as her protector. The knife is the presented to the B2b and worn on her wedding day. If the knife ever draws blood again the man has failed as the knife is never meant to be used except in the brides self defence and the marriage can be declared ended if she ever has to use it. 
    JediElizabethSP29
  • nassyv12 said:
    When it comes to other people she's very accepting of various views... :/

    when it comes to the traditional Norse Pagan proposal we have actually competed the first step which is an exchange of weaponry  between the B2B the FI and the FFIL. This is meant to symbolise a promise to wed after the Fi has proven himself in battle/hunting. 

    The next step is after he's proved himself to the FFIL for the B2B and FI to fight each other to prove that the FI is strong enough to defend her and his future sons ( or daughters but the texts only ever mention boys) so he can prove himself to her.

    After that is completed he gets a newly forged knife and cuts his shield hand the B2b then cuts her sword had. this symbolises him accepting her as his shield maiden and her accepting him as her protector. The knife is the presented to the B2b and worn on her wedding day. If the knife ever draws blood again the man has failed as the knife is never meant to be used except in the brides self defence and the marriage can be declared ended if she ever has to use it. 
    Wait who's fighting? Your dad and your FI? Maybe your dad and your FI literally having a battle is what your friend is concerned about. And the two of you cutting yourselves and whatnot. 

    I mean, how do you decide who wins the battle between your dad and your FI? Does one of them have to get seriously hurt? And how is he your FI if they haven't yet battled? He obviously hasn't "proven" himself strong enough to defend you and your future sons. You said "battle/hunting" - does your FI also have to go out hunting and bring back a certain amount of slain animals? Does he normally provide for you/defend you with battles and hunting?
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    STARMOON44InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    nassyv12 said:
    When it comes to other people she's very accepting of various views... :/

    when it comes to the traditional Norse Pagan proposal we have actually competed the first step which is an exchange of weaponry  between the B2B the FI and the FFIL. This is meant to symbolise a promise to wed after the Fi has proven himself in battle/hunting. 

    The next step is after he's proved himself to the FFIL for the B2B and FI to fight each other to prove that the FI is strong enough to defend her and his future sons ( or daughters but the texts only ever mention boys) so he can prove himself to her.

    After that is completed he gets a newly forged knife and cuts his shield hand the B2b then cuts her sword had. this symbolises him accepting her as his shield maiden and her accepting him as her protector. The knife is the presented to the B2b and worn on her wedding day. If the knife ever draws blood again the man has failed as the knife is never meant to be used except in the brides self defence and the marriage can be declared ended if she ever has to use it. 
    Wait who's fighting? Your dad and your FI? Maybe your dad and your FI literally having a battle is what your friend is concerned about. And the two of you cutting yourselves and whatnot. 

    I mean, how do you decide who wins the battle between your dad and your FI? Does one of them have to get seriously hurt? And how is he your FI if they haven't yet battled? He obviously hasn't "proven" himself strong enough to defend you and your future sons. You said "battle/hunting" - does your FI also have to go out hunting and bring back a certain amount of slain animals? Does he normally provide for you/defend you with battles and hunting?

    Yeah unless your dad is also Norse pagan, I don't think you can ask him to participate in that. Thanks for explaining, though.

    Anniversary

    STARMOON44InLoveInQueenslizybeffcharlotte989875
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    So you're being literal here with the hunting/battle/cutting? You're not planning on a symbolic gesture instead? 


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  • Yeah she doesn't know any of the traditional process so she's not worried about that. She doesn't know any other the process past the exchange of weaponry. 

    As for the fighting bit of the proposal it's between the fi and the b2b and it's literally just a wrestling match. 

    Also yes my other half does already hunt but he's never brought anything home apart from a couple of rabbits for the dog.

    The other thing I'd like to clarify is that the cuts on the hand aren't deep at all and would heal in a matter of days. 

    I'd also like to point out that were aren't planning on going through the process in any way shape or form because I'm not Norse Pagan...
    JediElizabeth
  • @nassyv12 just out of curiosity, because it wasn't clear, do you consider yourself engaged? Were these presents done in order to become betrothed or just coincidence that his religion would consider you so if you were to follow it?
  • nassyv12 said:
    Yeah she doesn't know any of the traditional process so she's not worried about that. She doesn't know any other the process past the exchange of weaponry. 

    As for the fighting bit of the proposal it's between the fi and the b2b and it's literally just a wrestling match. 

    Also yes my other half does already hunt but he's never brought anything home apart from a couple of rabbits for the dog.

    The other thing I'd like to clarify is that the cuts on the hand aren't deep at all and would heal in a matter of days. 

    I'd also like to point out that were aren't planning on going through the process in any way shape or form because I'm not Norse Pagan...
    To the first bolded:
    The man fights his bride-to-be to show that he can protect her? What if you kick his ass? Is the engagement off? Since you want to marry him are you going into this fight half-assed so that he wins? Then, how do you really know that the can protect you? And from what? 

    If this is truly an important religious tradition for you, how do you consider yourself engaged when it hasn't happened? 

    To the second bolded:
    So you are doing these things (the fighting, the hunting and the superficial cutting) or you're not?
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    STARMOON44
  • First @missJeanLouise  I don't think I'm engaged we see it more of a joke than anything else.

    Second @southernbelle0915 this tradition dates back before 793 AD so a lot of the reasoning is lost in the translation of the old Norse. She wouldn't "Half ass" it though because it would be see as dishonourable.
    Also i'm not Norse pagan and it isn't an important tradition to me and my other half feels that it can be interpreted in our own way and we will find ways to incorporate both religions into the ceremony if we ever do decide to get engaged.
    At this moment in time I am not planning to do any other these thing and neither is my other half although we do wrestle fairly often any way but that's mostly over the remote :smile:

    JediElizabethMissKittyDangerSP29
  • Random thought, I have never heard of Norse pagan or Hellenic so I find it fascinating reading about it.

    What does Hellenic do for proposals?
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    SP29
  • nassyv12nassyv12
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited August 23
    @MissKittyDanger  Funny thing is the Hellenic proposal is just as weird ( although less fighting). The man throws an apple at his intended and if she catches it the she has accepted his proposal.

    It stems from when Eris was denied access to a wedding of 2 of the other deities and she through an apple with the inscription " to the most beautiful woman" on it and Hera, Aphrodite and Athena fought over who it was for. Aphrodite won and after that apples became a symbol of love and affection. 
    MissKittyDanger
  • nassyv12 said:
    @MissKittyDanger  Funny thing is the Hellenic proposal is just as weird ( although less fighting). The man throws an apple at his intended and if she catches it the she has accepted his proposal.

    It stems from when Eris was denied access to a wedding of 2 of the other deities and she through an apple with the inscription " to the most beautiful woman" on it and Hera, Aphrodite and Athena fought over who it was for. Aphrodite won and after that apples became a symbol of love and affection. 
    What if you do want to marry him but have the coordination of a drunk toddler? ;) 
    southernbelle0915InLoveInQueensernursejOurWildKingdom
  • @ahoywedding you've obviously met me. In theory they make it easy as its not a test of worthiness like in the Norse religion it just a show of affection. :wink: 
    ahoyweddingMissKittyDanger
  • nassyv12 said:
    @MissKittyDanger  Funny thing is the Hellenic proposal is just as weird ( although less fighting). The man throws an apple at his intended and if she catches it the she has accepted his proposal.

    It stems from when Eris was denied access to a wedding of 2 of the other deities and she through an apple with the inscription " to the most beautiful woman" on it and Hera, Aphrodite and Athena fought over who it was for. Aphrodite won and after that apples became a symbol of love and affection. 
    It just occured to me the irony. My now-H tossed the ring box towards me for our engagement {there's more to the story, he's not an asshole} so technically since I caught it that means I accept!? :D
    cat animals pallas cat GIF
    OurWildKingdom
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