Oy. Your sister is a dick.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I got engaged two weeks ago and my parents are throwing my fiancé and me an engagement party to celebrate. My little sister and her boyfriend are “pre-engaged” and seemingly irritated that I “got to go first.” Last week, she announced that they intend to elope, and announce it at my engagement party. My initial reaction was, “That’s like announcing your pregnancy at someone else’s baby shower!” I love my sister, and I am awfully fond of her partner—but I’m irritated that they both think this is an OK thing to do. I don’t want to start an emotional war within my family, but I also want my own thing for one day. Help me find inner peace with this.

–Announcing Elopement

banana468

No one in their right mind is going to think, "To hell with the guest of honor.   Let's celebrate the attention whore!" 

Also, announcing an intention to elope is announcing that you're most certainly engaged and most certainly NOT eloping.   You're just telling the world that you have no intention of inviting them to your nuptials.   It's the adult version of saying, "I'm doing something awesome and youuuu caaaan't coooooOOOoooome!"  If sis truly wanted to elope then she would announce the marriage after the fact.

What I'd do: Continue with the party.   If sis announces the elopement, be happy.   And then beam and say, "We just couldn't IMAGINE not having ALL OF YOU at OUR wedding!   That's just how sis and I are different.   Won't she make a beautiful bride?   I hope she shares photos.    How are you?   Our date is August 4th and I do hope that we'll get to see you and celebrate with you next year!" 

kimmiinthemitten

I need to find inner peace with LW's use of fiance and me.

ei34

Yeah, sister just sounds super immature.  If I was a guest at that party, I'd give her three seconds of my attention to wish her congratulations, but that's be it.

missJeanLouise

Who wants to guess sisters age? the over/ under is 23. Bets start at 5$

southernbelle0915

I would say: "Sister, I would appreciate if you found another way to announce your marriage. This is like announcing a pregnancy at someone else's baby shower."

If sister says she's going to do it anyway, she's going to look like a total jackass - people do NOT forget this kind of thing. I'm awful, but if it were me, I would REALLY want to leak the news ahead of time. (FTR, I wouldn't, but so tempting.)

banana468

missJeanLouise said:

Who wants to guess sisters age? the over/ under is 23. Bets start at 5$

I'm guessing that if she's not getting a party of her own, she's young, attention seeking AND she makes bad decisions. 

flantastic

southernbelle0915 said:

I would say: "Sister, I would appreciate if you found another way to announce your marriage. This is like announcing a pregnancy at someone else's baby shower."

If sister says she's going to do it anyway, she's going to look like a total jackass - people do NOT forget this kind of thing. I'm awful, but if it were me, I would REALLY want to leak the news ahead of time. (FTR, I wouldn't, but so tempting.)

Yeah, even if sister is the jealous/overreacting type, there's little fault to find with "I would appreciate if you did it differently." That's different than, "You absolutely may not announce your news at my party." It's a request, not an order. Then let whatever happens happen, and be gracious but brief in acknowedgement if she does announce something. If that somehow starts an emotional war in the family, everyone in said family is a little too ridiculous.

southernbelle0915

flantastic said:

southernbelle0915 said:

I would say: "Sister, I would appreciate if you found another way to announce your marriage. This is like announcing a pregnancy at someone else's baby shower."

If sister says she's going to do it anyway, she's going to look like a total jackass - people do NOT forget this kind of thing. I'm awful, but if it were me, I would REALLY want to leak the news ahead of time. (FTR, I wouldn't, but so tempting.)

Yeah, even if sister is the jealous/overreacting type, there's little fault to find with "I would appreciate if you did it differently." That's different than, "You absolutely may not announce your news at my party." It's a request, not an order. Then let whatever happens happen, and be gracious but brief in acknowedgement if she does announce something. If that somehow starts an emotional war in the family, everyone in said family is a little too ridiculous.

I would want to stop the music as soon as she says something and have a track where it's literally crickets chirping. I'm a bitch though so...

pegasuskat

If she is that attention getting she isn't going to be happy with eloping. She will then want a PPD with showers, bach party and bridal party.

short+sassy

missJeanLouise said:

Who wants to guess sisters age? the over/ under is 23. Bets start at 5$

I'll take the under for $20, lol.  I should really do $100.  I feel like it's an almost sure thing.

Edited to add:  Lots of awesome, mature people under 23.  But for some, it takes a bit more age and wisdom to leave jr. high attitudes.

artbyallie

Um... let little sister look like an idiot because everyone knows elopements aren't announced because that's the fucking definition of eloping?

short+sassy

artbyallie said:

Um... let little sister look like an idiot because everyone knows elopements aren't announced because that's the fucking definition of eloping?

As a guest, I would give a side-eye to either an elopement or engagement announcement...at someone else's engagement party.

But it would be a "bigger" side-eye for an elopement announcement, for exactly this reason.

I also can't help but wonder if sister's b/f is even aware they are "pre-engaged", lol.  He might be the one MOST surprised by that announcement!