Bonus: Cheated on pregnant lady
Hi. This is a heavy question, but it’s one in which I’m sorely in need of advice. I’m 33 and my husband, whom I’ve been with for several years but have only been married to for 1.5 years, has been having an affair. I discovered this a few weeks ago after stumbling upon selfies of a woman in his email. The other woman is from his past, someone he never officially dated and merely shared a kiss with shortly before meeting me. She moved out of state and told him they wouldn’t be able to have a relationship. I asked him not to speak with her anymore once he and I were committed because I knew he still had feelings for her. He obliged, or at least, I thought. I’ve discovered that he created a secret email address to strictly communicate with her over the last five years and over the last six months this relationship has become a full-fledged affair—sans the sex. It was a long distance, emotional relationship. Did I mention that I’m just short of seven months pregnant with our first child?
Needless to say, I’m devastated. We’ve had our share of problems, some I know were inflicted by me. However, I don’t consider myself deserving of being cheated on because of past problems. As a feminist, my brain tells me to divorce him and accept that he has a moral character flaw—one I don’t want to associate with. However, we are a few months shy of welcoming our baby into the world and I’m in no financial/physical position to pack up and leave. In fact, I don’t think I can afford to get a divorce or live separately from him anytime soon.
My friends provide conflicting advice “get a divorce, duh!” and “You should forgive for the sake of baby, duh!” I do still love him and parting ways would be extremely painful. However, I’m having a VERY hard time believing that we can survive this even as he pleads for forgiveness. I don’t think I can trust him again no matter the strides he claims he will take to make amends. Not only is the trust gone, but I’m pretty damn angry to have been taken advantage of like this.
I know we will have to co-parent, regardless of the outcome, so we are both seeking counseling in order to work through issues to be better parents. I just don’t know what is right, or at least, what other people would do in a situation like this.
What would you do if you were me?
Sorry, but I don’t have a funny name for this very long question