Etiquette

Father Bringing Girlfriend and Her Son

First I must state that my father refers to his girlfriend as his "very good friend" or just "friend" when talking to me. He never uses the term girlfriend in any conversation, but it's safe to say they're dating.

So, my fathers RSVP was for both his girlfriend and her 15 yr old son. I figured he would bring his GF, but I didn't think he would bring her son. My father and this lady have been dating less than a year and he's told me they aren't engaged. What is the etiquette on people bringing guests? Am I wrong in thinking that his girlfriend is acceptable, but the kid isn't? Is it rude of me to ask him not to bring the kid?

Thanks,

Re: Father Bringing Girlfriend and Her Son

  • First I must state that my father refers to his girlfriend as his "very good friend" or just "friend" when talking to me. He never uses the term girlfriend in any conversation, but it's safe to say they're dating.

    So, my fathers RSVP was for both his girlfriend and her 15 yr old son. I figured he would bring his GF, but I didn't think he would bring her son. My father and this lady have been dating less than a year and he's told me they aren't engaged. What is the etiquette on people bringing guests? Am I wrong in thinking that his girlfriend is acceptable, but the kid isn't? Is it rude of me to ask him not to bring the kid?

    Thanks,
    He's your dad.   If this was a random person it's up to you whether or not you want to pick that battle.

    I wouldn't do that with my father unless I honestly felt like he was trying to use me.   

    FWIW, when I met my FIL for the first time I was going with DH to the summer camp site that my ILs own.   He said, "Hey is it cool if I bring someone with me?"  That someone is now his wife of just over 10 years.   


    SP29
  • In this case - you plan a seat for the 15yo and ask what his meal choice is...  This isn't a first cousin twice removed, it's your DAD's special friend's son, this is not a hill to die on hard line for your guest list.  
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    CMGragainSTARMOON44
  • I would make an allowance for it. Think about it this way - if their relationship continues - that's your future step brother, someone you'll probably be glad down the road was at your wedding

    Even if it doesn't work out, if they RSVP'd for him, they probably already told him he was going. Again if it was some random person then it would be less important, but this kid is probably looking forward to it. I would welcome him graciously.
    CMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 14
    Let the kid come to your wedding.  You never know.  He might be your stepbrother someday.
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    JediElizabethSTARMOON44MesmrEwe
  • Yeesh, it's your DAD asking! Unless you're not inviting anyone else under 18, go ahead and make the room. His girlfriend should be invited by name anyway, and if you're including other children, it would be hella rude to not include her son. My uncle has been dating the same woman for like 8 or 9 years, and she doesn't like the term boyfriend. She refers to him as her friend or special friend or something stupid like that. If your dad considers himself in a relationship with this woman, it doesn't matter how he labels it to you.

    If your dad has a history of taking advantage of situations or something like that, then it becomes more of an issue, but you don't mention anything like that so invite the kid.
    short+sassyeileenrobInLoveInQueens
  • Etiquette is to invite your dad and his girlfriend together - addressing his girlfriend by name on the invitation. 

    Etiquette does not require you to invite her son. It is your choice to include him or not. 
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    SP29zitiqueen
  • Technically speaking from an etiquette perspective, you did not invite your dad's g/f's son and you can express that to your father.  One could even go so far as to say that your dad was technically rude to have included him on the invite.

    Like other PPs have pointed out, if this were most of the guest list, you would be well within your rights to call up the guest and say the invitation was only for A and X and we will not be able to accommodate Y.  But, good grief, it's your dad!  Unless there is a piece of the story you did not share, I don't understand why inviting this person is even an issue.

    In addition, if your dad is contributing financially to the wedding, that is even more reason he should have a bit of say in the guest list.

    My only caveat for the above is if your all's wedding is intentionally an 18+ age event and there are NO other children invited.  Even then, I'd still be okay with my dad's potential future stepson who is a teenager anyway.  Not small child. 

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    SP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    You are find etiquette wise to say the son isn't invited.

    Family dynamic wise? Well that is a different story.

    IMO, It's certainly not a hill I'm willing to die on.   Others might feel differently.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    SP29
  • As per etiquette, you are within your rights to tell Dad that his friend's son is not invited. "Sorry Dad, but the invitation was only for you and Janice".

    HOWEVER- you should consider whether this is a hill to die on or not. If your dad is in a relationship with this woman, her child could be family one day.

    Think about it.
    MairePoppy
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