It's that time...

MandTFebruary62011

So this isn't really an etiquette question but I'm three weeks out and at this point I'm so frustrated and over it... we have started to refer to our wedding as "that wedding" around the house.  I feel like if it had a middle name we'd be using it.  

Someone tell me it's worth it...

nicgetsknotted

F***ing is a good middle name, if you need one. 

southernbelle0915

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Why do you think that is?

Look, I get things can be stressful but try to take the bird's eye view that this wedding is literally you and your partner committing your lives to each other and then having a party to celebrate that with all your friends and family. 

ahoywedding

What's going on that's making you frustrated? I'm sorry you're feeling this way. The end of wedding planning can kind of seem like a lot, because everything is starting to come together and deadlines are being realized, etc. What helped me towards the end was thinking about if someone would REALLY care about whatever I was stressing over. If I wouldn't have noticed being a guest at someone's wedding, I didn't worry about it for our wedding. One of the other boards I was on had what they called a "f**k it bucket," for all of those last minute things that pop up at the end. As long as your guests are fed and there's a chair for every butt, everything else is gravy. No one will notice the elaborate decorations you scrapped at the last minute, etc. They didn't even know they were supposed to happen!

Take a breath, have a drink, snuggle with your FI and try to remember why you guys are doing this in the first place.

MandTFebruary62011

Thanks everyone... I'm really feeling this way because of a lot of interpersonal stress.  I am really wishing that we had just eloped but it's for sure too late for that!  It's mostly with RSVPs and how many people have RSVPd with multiple extra guests.  I can handle it and we are letting several of them just come, but every time it's an awkward conversation and an uncomfortable feeling.  Then there's SO much family drama.  My mom, bless her heart, is not physically well and is acting exceptionally obnoxious about being in the same room with my dad.  I understand that she would prefer not to be and that her ability to manage her emotions is minimal right now but I do not need to be constantly barraged by jokes about how she'd like me to seat him in the kitchen or the next county.  I have had multiple conversations with her about this but sometimes she just cannot seem to under wraps.  
Then the icing on the cake is my dad's sister who was not upset that I didn't invite her four children (because she doesn't like 3 of them) but was so offended that I didn't invite her youngest child that she RSVPd yes then actively planned to not show up and stick us with the bill.  So she's not coming and thankfully now I know but seriously... who does that?

Lots of these things can be explained... like my aunt who has emailed me four times and spoken to me in person about her seating chart requests despite the fact that she doesn't know who is coming and who is not - is doing this because of her dementia.  But every time I see a new email about it my heart rate goes up....  Or my sister's friend who texted me asking where her invite was (she hates me btw... says I'm stealing my sister from her)... I get it.  Maybe you need to know if you need to find child care, but if the wedding is in three weeks and you haven't gotten an invite it's safe to say you aren't invited.

I'm just frustrated.  Last minute costs are adding up and we are both on edge.  We've been date nighting to focus on each other and that's helping.  I just hate that it feels like a countdown to it being over.

Thanks for the love ladies.  I wish I was worried about decorations lol.  He actually made the centerpieces completely with his buddy... I just worked on the seating chart while they did it.  Either way, thanks.  I think I need to vent somewhere other than home and pretty much none of my family is helpful because they are all acting bizarre and adding to the stress with bizarre requests of things that just. don't. matter.    I need more wine.

nicgetsknotted

Do you do yoga? There's a great free app called DownDog that has awesome free yoga workouts. I've found 45 minutes of deep breathing and just focusing on what the hell you are doing with your arms and legs really helps. Then there's the part at the end where you just get to lay there. It's pretty awesome.

CMGragain

Ah, yes!  Families!  They can stress you out like nothing else.

It isn't your wedding that is the problem here.  It is the people in your family.  You knew this from the beginning, didn't you?  You do know that they won't change into nice people just because it is your wedding day?

Act like a lady.  Continue doing the necessary tasks to allow you to get married.  Don't allow yourself to be drawn into any drama.  When Mom  starts   up, you smile sweetly and say, "Mother, dear, I have told you that I do not appreciate it when you say things like that about Dad.  Now, cool it!", and walk away.  When Auntie e-mails, respond with "Thank you for your input." and ignore it.  You do not have to please EVERYBODY!

My own wedding day was not pleasant.  Our crazy families were fighting.  People were threatening to not attend.  I never stopped smiling, and it was a beautiful ceremony.  We never looked back.  We have been happily married for 41 years. 

MandTFebruary62011

I do do yoga.  Unfortunately I'm a little short on time right now, but I'm going tomorrow.

You are right.  I did not expect them to change for the better but it seems to have changed for the worse.  I've been engaged for 2.5 years so I've been having these conversations with my mom for 2.5 years.  "I will not be responsible for your emotions during the wedding time. You will be in the same room as my dad and his wife a few times and I need you to find a way to be able to manage that. This is a good thing to start discussing with your therapist". 

It will be fine and I would imagine the day will be lovely. I just need a place to vent because at this point, this is not an enjoyable time.

Thanks ladies.  These are helpful points.  I do need to be sure I'm yoga-ing more right now.

climbingsingle

That all sounds very stressful. I'm sorry. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let it affect you so much. If your mom says nasty thing about your dad, change the subject, walk away, don't engage with her. 

The week of my wedding, I suddenly was barraged with questions. "Can my girlfriend wear cowboy boots?" "Can my date wear a white dress?" "How long is the walk from the ceremony site to the cocktail hour site (everything was at the same resort)?" "What will traffic be like the day of the wedding?" "You're feeding us, RIGHT?" and the kicker, "Can I bring my dog?" 

YES. These were all questions asked by different people the week before my wedding. I wish I was kidding! I second the suggestion of yoga. I took a ton of yoga classes that week, and did a lot of guided meditation (I have a great ap on my phone). 

JediElizabeth

Reading through this, I think there's one thing you should concentrate on:

All these problem stem from other people. As long as you and your FI are shouldering the burden as a pair, and you're supporting each other through this, I'd try to remember the fact that you're going to be married, and after the wedding you can take a break from all these stressors and concentrate on each other. 

Good luck!

MandTFebruary62011

Thanks everyone.... My fiance and I are really working on focusing on the positives for the day and I told him today I need to stop speaking negatively about our frustrations about the day.  It is not helping me.

Today his mom had a psychotic break while his sister was in town and my dress didn't zip... I will now be meditating and yoga-ing every day (even if it's myself at home).  That is my plan.  Also, I will be getting lots of hugs and snuggles required for my sanity.

I have been side lining on these forums for 2 and half years and I really appreciate the support and love from you guys right now.  I'm just really burnt to a crispy.  I cannot wait to be married and focusing on that right now.