I Need A "Snarky Parents" Board...

kwiksilver

 
She added that last bit after myself and another woman *politely* pointed out that she isn't really entitled to a shower and shouldn't be involved in planning beyond providing a guest list.

banana468

She's 23 fucking weeks.   Even if this was her first theres still a good 3 months to have a shower.   

And plenty of showers go with this cute little theme of BABY.  

This isn't hard.  I could plan her shower and unless she was on a paleo, auto immune gluten free vegetarian diabetic diet I wouldn't think about food either.  

kwiksilver

banana468 said:

She's 23 fucking weeks.   Even if this was her first theres still a good 3 months to have a shower.   

And plenty of showers go with this cute little theme of BABY.  

This isn't hard.  I could plan her shower and unless she was on a paleo, auto immune gluten free vegetarian diabetic diet I wouldn't think about food either.  

And I love how they have NOTHING. Are your kids genitals that important in relation to what colour your stroller is?  Or car seat?  My daughter wore almost all of my sons hand-me-downs, because who cares?  Probably going to get poop on it in 10 minutes anyway and nobody threw me a shower and I still got a ton of pink outfits for her anyway. 

*Barbie*

I would be more understanding  of having a shower for a second baby (regardless of genitals) if she had her daughter 10+ years ago and didn't save anything, not expecting to have another kid. 

Seriously though, if you decide to have a baby, be prepared to buy shit for it. Get stuff secondhand or consignment to save money. Use hand-me-downs from friends or family. (I'd buy the carseat new for the sake of safety, but other stuff may hardly be used - no need to spend a fortune on it.)

The entitled attitude is really obnoxious. It's no wonder she has no friends. Who does she think is going to attend?

banana468

And why didn't you go with a gender neutral equipment registry for baby 1?

I'll admit I  gad sprinkles but they were small gifts, no real equipment and received boy outfits...but I didn't ask for anyone to throw me one.   DH and I were silly and thought we were supposed to pay for our kids. 

kwiksilver

ETA: Maybe she should just go with what seems to be the horrifyingly popular trend and just throw her own...

MesmrEwe

We had 7 years between kids AND, my family is 225 miles from us so empathize with the active GM not being close geographically - so this is a bit <face palm> worthy that she's even having a shower in the first place for a singleton...  I get the frustration only to this point "Someone promises a shower then flakes out"...  November is surprisingly not that far away when it comes to planning, but if her MIL is not a planner, she's probably thinking she has until, say, the day after Halloween, to start planning this thing, no need for her to rush it KWIM!  

As we say with Wedding planning, this is where you discover what people are like, don't expect marriage or babies to change that!  My guess is MIL is not the party planner in the family!

sparklepants41

I think I may have sprained something rolling my eyes so hard at this.

LondonLisa

I didn't realise you needed to show a certificate of successful baby shower before they let you deliver a baby. 

missJeanLouise

I really don't understand why these parents can't just buy their own things for their child. If you are stressed about not having anything, then acquire them. Is my logic flawed?

TrixieJess

Lol, the norm among my friends and family is to have the shower after the baby is born. This is mainly so mama can drink at her own shower and people can meet the baby. 

I don't understand why people make a huge deal about showers, when my son was born people brought over gifts every time they stopped by. It was very sweet, but we didn't end up needing much by the time our shower rolled around.

mrsconn23

I had three baby showers for DefConn and I thought it was an embarrassing amount of showers.  My parents lived about 2.5 hours away and a lot of friends and family live in that area, so my mom hosted one.  My sisters, SIL, and MIL hosted a shower here in town for local friends and family.  And then work planned a shower.  I was offered all three showers and agreed to them.  The only thing I believe I dictated was the cake.    The rest was up to them. 

If I were to get pregnant again (not happening), I wouldn't expect one shower. Even though there are quite a few bigger items we'd have to buy, plus a whole new wardrobe of baby clothes. I bet my mom would want to have one because it's been so long between babies, but I would want her to keep it small.

SIL is pregnant and my nephew isn't even 2.  IF she's having a girl, I may throw her a sprinkle.  If she's having another boy, I'm going to get her and BIL a hotel and dinner and keep nephew so they can have a teeny babymoon before #2 shows up.  

This chick is fucking ridic and I want to smack her. 

6fsn

Max was a surprise and we had NOTHING for him. Guess who threw me a shower. Nobody. I made a registry, got the goody bag and discount, and went shopping with my money. He also wore a pink snow suit 

6fsn

Max was a surprise and we had NOTHING for him. Guess who threw me a shower. Nobody. I made a registry, got the goody bag and discount, and went shopping with my money. He also wore a pink snow suit 

kwiksilver

TrixieJess said:

Lol, the norm among my friends and family is to have the shower after the baby is born. This is mainly so mama can drink at her own shower and people can meet the baby. 

I don't understand why people make a huge deal about showers, when my son was born people brought over gifts every time they stopped by. It was very sweet, but we didn't end up needing much by the time our shower rolled around.

My family thinks showers before baby are bad luck, but they aren't really a thing in my family anyway. Nobody threw me a shower for either kid, and somehow we still got lots of gifts. If people want to give a gift they will, shower or not

kwiksilver

missJeanLouise said:

I really don't understand why these parents can't just buy their own things for their child. If you are stressed about not having anything, then acquire them. Is my logic flawed?

Right?  Like, for the most part people intentionally get pregnant, so why do they not plan to get the stuff?  I mean, start buying a bit at a time as soon as you get pregnant (if you must, especially if there are sales). Some people would disagree, but if the alternative is demanding a shower, I think paying your own way by whatever means is preferable.  Buy second hand, or ask people for hand me downs (I've done both of those things and got garbage bags of gorgeous clothes!) It's not impossible like some people seem to think!

MRDCle

Wait, so should I not have used a purple hand-me-down bumbo for my son? Is this why he won't potty-train?! I didn't realize there was gender specificity to something my kid is just going to drool/pee/pooh on. 

mrsconn23

kwiksilver said:

TrixieJess said:

Lol, the norm among my friends and family is to have the shower after the baby is born. This is mainly so mama can drink at her own shower and people can meet the baby. 

I don't understand why people make a huge deal about showers, when my son was born people brought over gifts every time they stopped by. It was very sweet, but we didn't end up needing much by the time our shower rolled around.

My family thinks showers before baby are bad luck, but they aren't really a thing in my family anyway. Nobody threw me a shower for either kid, and somehow we still got lots of gifts. If people want to give a gift they will, shower or not

True story.  I had a lot of mail post-baby and in that mail were a lot of gift cards.  

MissKittyDanger

banana468 said:

And why didn't you go with a gender neutral equipment registry for baby 1?

I'll admit I  gad sprinkles but they were small gifts, no real equipment and received boy outfits...but I didn't ask for anyone to throw me one.   DH and I were silly and thought we were supposed to pay for our kids. 

100% bolded!

short+sassy

kwiksilver said:

 
She added that last bit after myself and another woman *politely* pointed out that she isn't really entitled to a shower and shouldn't be involved in planning beyond providing a guest list.

Haha, I couldn't bold the actual part in the person's letter.  But, in reference to "I don't care how rich you are" and "getting new baby things is always nice"...let me give an analogy.

Do you know what else is really expensive...no matter how rich you are?  Buying a house.  But people manage to do that just fine by themselves.  Because there isn't (usually) this expectation that other people need to buy all the NEW furniture and appliances or whatever else they need.

BUY YOUR OWN STUFF!!!  Yeah, sorrynotsorry.  That's life.  People make adult decisions...all by themselves...that they alone (or with their partner) are responsible for.  Nothing hard about this concept.

mrsconn23

missJeanLouise said:

I really don't understand why these parents can't just buy their own things for their child. If you are stressed about not having anything, then acquire them. Is my logic flawed?

Here's another thing, babies really don't  *need* that much stuff.  A place to sleep, a car seat, diapers, and clothes.  Oh and if you breastfeed exclusively, you don't even need to buy them food for several months. 

People think the wedding industry is bad, but the baby shit industry is WORSE.  My mom works in a baby store and she marvels at how we didn't die even though she didn't have all.the.stuff that is shoved on new parents as something that is necessary to having a baby.  I mean she'll sell the shit out of a Bugaboo stroller, but her stories about people's insanity over what they think they need are hilarious. 

banana468

short+sassy said:

kwiksilver said:

 
She added that last bit after myself and another woman *politely* pointed out that she isn't really entitled to a shower and shouldn't be involved in planning beyond providing a guest list.

Haha, I couldn't bold the actual part in the person's letter.  But, in reference to "I don't care how rich you are" and "getting new baby things is always nice"...let me give an analogy.

Do you know what else is really expensive...no matter how rich you are?  Buying a house.  But people manage to do that just fine by themselves.  Because there isn't (usually) this expectation that other people need to buy all the NEW furniture and appliances or whatever else they need.

BUY YOUR OWN STUFF!!!  Yeah, sorrynotsorry.  That's life.  People make adult decisions...all by themselves...that they alone (or with their partner) are responsible for.  Nothing hard about this concept.

Yeah - all of that.

Again, I can understand possibly having a shower when the kids are spaced apart but lose the "we don't have anything" bullshit.  

I feel less than no sympathy when you decided to register for a crib with pink bedding, a pink pack n play and a pink exersaucer and now you think that you NEED everything in blue. 

If having stuff that a boy *could* (eyeroll) use was so important to you then you should have considered that when registering years ago for baby 1.

MissKittyDanger

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

kwiksilver said:

 
She added that last bit after myself and another woman *politely* pointed out that she isn't really entitled to a shower and shouldn't be involved in planning beyond providing a guest list.

Haha, I couldn't bold the actual part in the person's letter.  But, in reference to "I don't care how rich you are" and "getting new baby things is always nice"...let me give an analogy.

Do you know what else is really expensive...no matter how rich you are?  Buying a house.  But people manage to do that just fine by themselves.  Because there isn't (usually) this expectation that other people need to buy all the NEW furniture and appliances or whatever else they need.

BUY YOUR OWN STUFF!!!  Yeah, sorrynotsorry.  That's life.  People make adult decisions...all by themselves...that they alone (or with their partner) are responsible for.  Nothing hard about this concept.

Yeah - all of that.

Again, I can understand possibly having a shower when the kids are spaced apart but lose the "we don't have anything" bullshit.  

I feel less than no sympathy when you decided to register for a crib with pink bedding, a pink pack n play and a pink exersaucer and now you think that you NEED everything in blue. 

If having stuff that a boy *could* (eyeroll) use was so important to you then you should have considered that when registering years ago for baby 1.

A girl I know was expecting her son when her daughter was about 6, so they legit had nothing. She has started buying a few things {under the assumption that she wouldn't have a shower} then got surprised with one.

banana468

MissKittyDanger said:

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

kwiksilver said:

 
She added that last bit after myself and another woman *politely* pointed out that she isn't really entitled to a shower and shouldn't be involved in planning beyond providing a guest list.

Haha, I couldn't bold the actual part in the person's letter.  But, in reference to "I don't care how rich you are" and "getting new baby things is always nice"...let me give an analogy.

Do you know what else is really expensive...no matter how rich you are?  Buying a house.  But people manage to do that just fine by themselves.  Because there isn't (usually) this expectation that other people need to buy all the NEW furniture and appliances or whatever else they need.

BUY YOUR OWN STUFF!!!  Yeah, sorrynotsorry.  That's life.  People make adult decisions...all by themselves...that they alone (or with their partner) are responsible for.  Nothing hard about this concept.

Yeah - all of that.

Again, I can understand possibly having a shower when the kids are spaced apart but lose the "we don't have anything" bullshit.  

I feel less than no sympathy when you decided to register for a crib with pink bedding, a pink pack n play and a pink exersaucer and now you think that you NEED everything in blue. 

If having stuff that a boy *could* (eyeroll) use was so important to you then you should have considered that when registering years ago for baby 1.

A girl I know was expecting her son when her daughter was about 6, so they legit had nothing. She has started buying a few things {under the assumption that she wouldn't have a shower} then got surprised with one.

Chiquita is nearly 7 and the only thing that we need to replace that we had when she was born is the car seat.  We've needed to upgrade the things that she outgrew (and that Chiquito outgrew) but most things are still quite usable.  

If we needed a lot I'd scour the consignment stores.   The only thing that I will never buy used (and no one should ever buy used) is a car seat. 

MissKittyDanger

I also feel like this person is the kind who wouldn't buy a thing and then throw a fit if a shower wasn't done.

kvruns

6fsn said:

Max was a surprise and we had NOTHING for him. Guess who threw me a shower. Nobody. I made a registry, got the goody bag and discount, and went shopping with my money. He also wore a pink snow suit 

My son would only sleep swaddled and I needed a bigger size swaddle. Found a brand new one on my local baby fb page for $5 - it had pink flowers but I didn't care because hello it was $5 vs $20 in the store. I have a picture of him in it with his football sleeper on under it - makes me laugh every time

flantastic

I'm in a FB pregnancy group that's a spinoff of another. With DD, I was in an analogous group (for that time frame), and I had to leave the group eventually because people were not having my (gentle) suggestion of "No, you don't throw your own shower, people will take it not well even if you don't mean it to be about getting gifts for yourself." Instead, "You do you! You deserve it, mama!"

PREGNANCY IS NOT A MAGICAL GATEWAY TO DESERVING PARTIES AND FREE STUFF.

Alternately, there was the "go for it because every baby deserves to be celebrated" BS. 1) Baby neither knows nor cares; 2) That can be done without a shower, oddly enough.

Luckily for me, this go-round the people are much more reasonable. Even still, there was the one person with the "you do you and screw the haters" response, which of course got the love from the OP.

short+sassy

flantastic said:

I'm in a FB pregnancy group that's a spinoff of another. With DD, I was in an analogous group (for that time frame), and I had to leave the group eventually because people were not having my (gentle) suggestion of "No, you don't throw your own shower, people will take it not well even if you don't mean it to be about getting gifts for yourself." Instead, "You do you! You deserve it, mama!"

PREGNANCY IS NOT A MAGICAL GATEWAY TO DESERVING PARTIES AND FREE STUFF.

Alternately, there was the "go for it because every baby deserves to be celebrated" BS. 1) Baby neither knows nor cares; 2) That can be done without a shower, oddly enough.

Luckily for me, this go-round the people are much more reasonable. Even still, there was the one person with the "you do you and screw the haters" response, which of course got the love from the OP.

I don't get this either.  Babies ARE celebrated!!!  By pretty much everyone.  Shoot, bring a baby to a friend/family gathering and most people are clamoring to hold, snuggle, and make happy faces at the little one.  There are also lots of congratulations to the parents.

Ummm...that is the essence of celebrating.  Why is that word being confused with "gifts"?

And, like other PPs have mentioned, people will typically give new parents gifts anyway.  Whether there is a shower or not.  I gave a coworker a small gift for his new baby.  Someone I was friendly with, but didn't socialize with outside of work.  I certainly wasn't invited to their shower, that would have been weird.  But I can still give a gift that says, "I'm excited for and thinking of you, your wife, and the new baby."

MesmrEwe

missJeanLouise said:

I really don't understand why these parents can't just buy their own things for their child. If you are stressed about not having anything, then acquire them. Is my logic flawed?

Think about it this way - Couple has finite amount of time to go shopping for all things new baby to hit the seasonal sales (all big ticket items even for essentials) - MIL promises a shower "Great - I won't need to purchase as many things..." so set a reasonable date to not have to go shopping in a rush with time after to do an inventory... Then MIL starts flaking out on the planning and hormones kick in because she's past the half-way mark in the PG and "any time after 29 weeks!" (though not likely until closer to 38 weeks, but anyway)...   And who knows - with her first she could have had health issues that she was on bed rest and didn't get to do anything the final 12 weeks so planning for that.  

Still - LW needs to take a breath and go pick out a car seat, some newborn size outfits, couple packs of different brand diapers (I had one kid sensitive to one brand and the other sensitive to the other one - buying in advance would have been a BAD idea!), a new diaper bag, and GTF over the whole shower thing.  

kwiksilver

MesmrEwe said:

missJeanLouise said:

I really don't understand why these parents can't just buy their own things for their child. If you are stressed about not having anything, then acquire them. Is my logic flawed?

Think about it this way - Couple has finite amount of time to go shopping for all things new baby to hit the seasonal sales (all big ticket items even for essentials) - MIL promises a shower "Great - I won't need to purchase as many things..." so set a reasonable date to not have to go shopping in a rush with time after to do an inventory... Then MIL starts flaking out on the planning and hormones kick in because she's past the half-way mark in the PG and "any time after 29 weeks!" (though not likely until closer to 38 weeks, but anyway)...   And who knows - with her first she could have had health issues that she was on bed rest and didn't get to do anything the final 12 weeks so planning for that.  

Still - LW needs to take a breath and go pick out a car seat, some newborn size outfits, couple packs of different brand diapers (I had one kid sensitive to one brand and the other sensitive to the other one - buying in advance would have been a BAD idea!), a new diaper bag, and GTF over the whole shower thing.  

I mean I kind of get that it's annoying when people flake. BUT I also wouldn't have accepted a shower for a second child, particularly if I thought MIL wouldn't follow through (if she's not normally the planning type I guess). 

My youngest is 13. I purged every baby thing I had like a decade ago. Even under those circumstances I will feel a bit weird about accepting a shower (IF anyone offers) even though I've never had one for previous kids.  I guess I just can't relate to LW's mindset because I typically assume nobody is going to help/do things for me and I get to be pleasantly surprised when I'm proven wrong

missJeanLouise

MesmrEwe said:

missJeanLouise said:

I really don't understand why these parents can't just buy their own things for their child. If you are stressed about not having anything, then acquire them. Is my logic flawed?

Think about it this way - Couple has finite amount of time to go shopping for all things new baby to hit the seasonal sales (all big ticket items even for essentials) - MIL promises a shower "Great - I won't need to purchase as many things..." so set a reasonable date to not have to go shopping in a rush with time after to do an inventory... Then MIL starts flaking out on the planning and hormones kick in because she's past the half-way mark in the PG and "any time after 29 weeks!" (though not likely until closer to 38 weeks, but anyway)...   And who knows - with her first she could have had health issues that she was on bed rest and didn't get to do anything the final 12 weeks so planning for that.  

Still - LW needs to take a breath and go pick out a car seat, some newborn size outfits, couple packs of different brand diapers (I had one kid sensitive to one brand and the other sensitive to the other one - buying in advance would have been a BAD idea!), a new diaper bag, and GTF over the whole shower thing.  

Maybe I am just cynical but people can promise things all day long but ultimately who's responsibility is to clothe and care for the child? It would be one thing if she was calmly sitting back waiting for the date to pass but if something was stressing me out this much I would just solve the problem and buy some things. Especially if I was on bed rest with the internet.