Non Prudie "The first step is to admit she doesn't want the cat"

Ro041

@kerbohl - it is terribly annoying.  We foster because dogs die in shelters.  But I have my own job - and that job is not pet sitting (for free or otherwise).  We often times pet sit our former foster dogs - but only the ones we really liked.  The other ones can kick rocks.  Ha!  

I am glad you said something to the friend.  Please let us know if/when she picks up the cat.  I wonder how long it will take her to come get it once she knows, point blank, that you are feeling used.  Her response time will be very telling.  

short+sassy

lovesclimbing said:

I almost posted this earlier. 

H and I would love to have a dog. We both grew up with dogs and would love our children to grow up with one, we both love dogs, we both like having a pet around. BUT, we rent. Sure, people have pets and rent, but having a pet, a least where we live from my perusals of Craig's List, reduces your available options by at least 75 percent. When we get a dog, we plan to get a puppy, and I don't look forward to house-breaking a puppy in a rental with carpet. My daughter was having naked-bottom time to air out, rolled off the mat and peed on the carpet. It's hard enough to keep her from doing that, not to mention a dog! 

So we have decided to not get a pet until we own our own place because we're responsible adults and realize now is not a good time for a dog. 

I allow dogs in some, but not all, of my rentals.  My personal home is a duplex and I allow tenants on the other side to have dogs.  But not puppies!

There is no carpeting in that unit, but the main living areas have wood laminate flooring.  Which can be destroyed by standing liquids, ie pee.  I don't know how long it takes for standing liquid to disintegrate the floors, but I have visions of a puppy constantly peeing in the same few spots.  Maybe no one is home for 8 hours to clean it up.  And, over time, my floors are ruined.

I had some potential tenants for that unit once who told me during the showing that they were so excited I allowed dogs, because they'd been wanting to get a puppy  Doh!  I hated to take the wind out of their sails.

Especially for my personal home unit, allowing dogs with no size restrictions has been a VERY nice niche for me.  Because, even places that do allow dogs, often have a size restriction.  At least for urban living, I have an enormous and fully fenced in backyard.  It's a big dog owner's dream, lol.

I once had potential tenants who brought their Irish Wolfhound with them.  OMG!!!  I was ready to throw a saddle on that big guy, lol.  But for as enormous as he was, he was just a big, goofy sweetie.

kahluakoala

lovesclimbing said:

Oh, btw, Purdue had an almost identical issue in today's chat!

Q. One cat, two cat: My roommate no longer lives with me, in most senses of the word. She has slowly moved into her boyfriend’s house, and while she used to spend a reasonable amount of time at “home” in our apartment, the most she does now is come home during an off day to clean and do laundry, or pop by for a 30-minute stop-in for fresh clothes or a meal. Honestly, I have no problem with her not living here. I’d like to see her more, but it’s not a deal-breaker for me as long as she pays her bills. However, her cat does still live in the apartment. Therefore, I have been tasked with making sure she is fed and watered, has clean kitty litter, is played with, given attention, et cetera.

When we moved in, I adopted my own cat—a low-maintenance grandpa who does not need excessive amounts of attention—but her cat is quite the opposite. My roommate’s cat steals, breaks, and generally gets into my belongings, demands attention (because she doesn’t get any from her actual owner), and fights with my cat when she doesn’t get the attention she wants. But even if she was well-behaved: She’s not my cat. I adopted one cat, but now I have two, and I would not have chosen to adopt the cat I have been “gifted” by my roommate. Living with her would have been fine, but I am not comfortable or happy being solely responsible for her care. My roommate has already mentioned that at most, her boyfriend would only allow her cat to “visit” once every two weeks. How can I make this work without hurting my roommate’s feelings—or completely ignoring her neglected pet?

A: I don’t think that “not hurting your roommate’s feelings” is the highest possible good to be achieved in your situation! Of course you should be polite when you speak to her. There’s no need to call her names or go out of your way to insult her, but beyond that, not hurting her feelings should not be your aim. Your aim should be to communicate the following: That your living situation has recently and obviously changed, that you are now the default primary caregiver for your roommate’s cat, that this situation cannot continue, and that you are asking her to come up with an alternate solution. The fact that your roommate’s boyfriend seems uninterested in letting the cat move in with them is not your problem to solve. If your roommate’s response to this conversation is, “But my boyfriend can’t take her in,” then your response gets to be, “I’m sorry to hear that! But the cat is yours, and this current arrangement isn’t working. What are you going to do instead?”

I saw this! I think this is interesting and a different scenario, especially because the LW in this case is getting a benefit from the roommate - an entire apartment to herself with half the rent paid! But on the other hand, what is roommate's expectation when she does move in with her boyfriend? Get rid of the cat or expect LW to adopt it? I think boundaries need to be set, especially about the future

MobKaz

I don't think she has any intention of picking up this cat.  I think she hopes you do what she cannot; give the cat up for adoption.  

I would drop this cat off on the doorstep with whomever she currently resides, and send her a note forwarning her.  You can waste your time and breath detailing your expenses but this person is a "taker" through and through.  This is no friend.

kerbohl

The cat is scheduled to be gone this Sunday!  I don't think she's found anyone yet to take it for the next year, but at least now she can spend some time with it until they leave again.  I just don't get the idea of not spending time with your animal before you leave for so long.  When I moved overseas, I got in all the bunny snuggles I could (and then was the annoying daughter that made her technology-inept parents skype with the rabbits when they could).  

charlotte989875

kerbohl said:

The cat is scheduled to be gone this Sunday!  I don't think she's found anyone yet to take it for the next year, but at least now she can spend some time with it until they leave again.  I just don't get the idea of not spending time with your animal before you leave for so long.  When I moved overseas, I got in all the bunny snuggles I could (and then was the annoying daughter that made her technology-inept parents skype with the rabbits when they could).  

I make my husband do this when I'm out of town for work. He thinks it's ridiculous and I don't care. 

MissKittyDanger

kerbohl said:

The cat is scheduled to be gone this Sunday!  I don't think she's found anyone yet to take it for the next year, but at least now she can spend some time with it until they leave again.  I just don't get the idea of not spending time with your animal before you leave for so long.  When I moved overseas, I got in all the bunny snuggles I could (and then was the annoying daughter that made her technology-inept parents skype with the rabbits when they could).  

When M is home and I'm at work, I always have him send me a photo of the cats during the day lol

kahluakoala

So are you cat free?

Ro041

@MissKittyDanger - did she get the cat?  Inquiring minds need to know.

TNDancer

I NEED to know if the cat is gone!

kerbohl

The  cat is .... GONE!!  I have been cat free since Friday.  And also, it turns out she is going to be gone for two years ... which she hadn't told me when she asked me to take the cat for another year.  I really think she should give up the cat at this point.  And part of it is her husband.  This does make my friend look bad, but I should point out that while she has been the one asking me to do this and taking advantage, it is her husband/then FI's cat and he's been asking her to do this, and from what I understand he is now trying to get his parent's to just take the cat.