Wedding Cancelled on Facebook...but not in real life. How to announce that wedding is still on

vanbriseno

Help! I am in desperate need of advice! My fiance and I are 7 months away from our wedding. We created a Facebook event page to begin collecting addresses and to give out preliminary information about our wedding. 

Unfortunately, over the weekend, we had a HUGE blowup and very hastily agreed that we should probably just end our relationship and call off the wedding. I wanted to just delete the Facebook Event Page, but in a moment of anger, my fiance insisted that I announce on the page that the wedding had been cancelled. We started to receive texts and phone calls from our friends and family right away. We both quickly deleted the FB page and our FB accounts. However, we never actually went through with cancelling the wedding with our planner or vendors. 

Fast forward to today. My fiance and I immediately realized that we were making a big mistake and that we don't want to end our relationship or our wedding. 

How do we fix this with our friends & family? How do we say "just kidding", we just had a fight and we are still getting married! The embarrassment is suffocating! We haven't even gotten back on Facebook. Any ideas or suggestions?? What would you do? Thank you all in advance! 

southernbelle0915

vmariebri said:

Help! I am in desperate need of advice! My fiance and I are 7 months away from our wedding. We created a Facebook event page to begin collecting addresses and to give out preliminary information about our wedding. 

Unfortunately, over the weekend, we had a HUGE blowup and very hastily agreed that we should probably just end our relationship and call off the wedding. I wanted to just delete the Facebook Event Page, but in a moment of anger, my fiance insisted that I announce on the page that the wedding had been cancelled. We started to receive texts and phone calls from our friends and family right away. We both quickly deleted the FB page and our FB accounts. However, we never actually went through with cancelling the wedding with our planner or vendors. 

Fast forward to today. My fiance and I immediately realized that we were making a big mistake and that we don't want to end our relationship or our wedding. 

How do we fix this with our friends & family? How do we say "just kidding", we just had a fight and we are still getting married! The embarrassment is suffocating! We haven't even gotten back on Facebook. Any ideas or suggestions?? What would you do? Thank you all in advance! 

So despite the suffocating embarrassment, you need to tell people NOW. Anyone who might be traveling may have already cancelled their reservations (for a fee). And if they haven't, they need to know now so that they don't.


Y'all are a big boy and a big girl - as much as it sucks, swallow your pride, put on those big panties, and spend this weekend making phone calls. Communicating through Facebook or text for something this significant is not appropriate. 

downtondiva

Start calling your friends and family immediately to clarify the situation and apologize. Be serious when you talk to them about it; being funny or actually saying "just kidding" will not go very far with fixing this. As embarrassed as you are right now, you need to respect that this might have been upsetting for them too, as well as costly.

If in the next few months you and FI have another major fight (and I'm not saying that you will), you need to give yourselves time to calm down and talk things out before making any decisions about the wedding. Don't make any big announcements about cancelling to anyone while you're still that upset, and don't say or do anything about it on Facebook until you've personally informed your family and friends. Handling something this serious on social media is never the answer.

ernursej

Agree with PPs. I would also suggest that you do not use FB for anything wedding related. It is not private, everyone can see who has FB and has been invited. Do everything privately by way of paper invite and phone/paper RSVPs. A wedding website would be a good way to spread information about logistics. 

I may may also suggest that you think about premarital counselling. Even if you think you are past the concern from this issue, it would be good to work with a neutral 3rd party to discuss fighting fairly and how to deal with relationship stumbling blocks. 

CMGragain

Facebook is NOT  a proper place to post wedding information, or to collect guest information.  STOP IT!
Before you go any further with your wedding plans, please schedule sessions with a premarital marriage counselor.  I see warning flags in your post.

missJeanLouise

@vanbriseno I would start by calling your nearest and dearest. Explain as much as you want to and as little as you don't. Are you going forward with the wedding as planned or postponing?? I agree some premarital counseling could be beneficial to you guys. We did it and it was well worth it. You obviously haven't sent invitations out yet so maybe this is a good time to scale back or alter plans. Good luck, let us know how I think goes

cindylover711

You'd better make calls to your families and friends and apologies to them right now. ;)And don't make quarrel any longer. Good luck.

STARMOON44

This weekend you cancelled your wedding. So I’d spend some more time actually working things through before announcing it’s back on. 

vanbriseno

Thank you all so much for your advice. Lesson learned about starting an informal Facebook event page to collect addresses, etc. We have still stayed away from Facebook all together. 

We hadn't sent out STD's or invites, as all of our guests are local. The STD's were scheduled to go out in early Dec. 

And I completely agree with the need for some pre-marital counseling to deal with the conflict that caused this whole mess in the first place, in addition to handling the "stress" of the wedding. We did sign up for online counseling (both of our schedules are pretty busy) and we've already attended two sessions individually and together. 

Again, thank you all for your input. I believe the answer was obvious, but I guess in all my embarrassment, I couldn't see very clearly last week.

missJeanLouise

vanbriseno said:

Thank you all so much for your advice. Lesson learned about starting an informal Facebook event page to collect addresses, etc. We have still stayed away from Facebook all together. 

We hadn't sent out STD's or invites, as all of our guests are local. The STD's were scheduled to go out in early Dec. 

And I completely agree with the need for some pre-marital counseling to deal with the conflict that caused this whole mess in the first place, in addition to handling the "stress" of the wedding. We did sign up for online counseling (both of our schedules are pretty busy) and we've already attended two sessions individually and together. 

Again, thank you all for your input. I believe the answer was obvious, but I guess in all my embarrassment, I couldn't see very clearly last week.

Pre marital counseling not just “to deal with the conflict that caused this whole mess” but also to learn peaceful conflict resolution and how to fight respectfully. Marriage is hard and there will be more conflicts than just this one.

MesmrEwe

There are Marriage & Family Counselors who would much rather do premarital counseling than the aftermath of not and will meet you at a time that works for both of your schedules as this is something best done live or live via Zoom (it's more secure than Skype for counselors) as it pays dividends even for the healthiest of relationships.  In this state they offer a discount on the cost of the marriage license for couples who attend this!  THAT is your first call to make because it's cheaper/easier/better to do this than it is to go through a divorce because you either didn't discuss a topic, didn't learn effective strategies, and most of all, negotiate your "Rules of Engagement" BEFORE you sign on the line and say "I Do!" when really "NO WAY JOSE!"..  There are so many flags for both of you with the impulsive nature of what happened that yes, swallow your pride, tell people IRL what is happening.  Also, take a week or two and work this stuff out because really there's no shame in deciding your instinct was correct.  Get that counseling going ASAP!!!

knottie77380c59bc9c88ec

Explain to them as you explained to us.

LondonLisa

Please continue to postpone the wedding until you are both in a better place.

One doesn’t cancel a wedding in haste. 

Get off off social media as a place to air grievances. 

Contine with conselling. 

Think about getting engaged again in 6 months time at least. 

If either you or your partner’s first reaction is to bail, you aren’t ready for marriage. 

climbingsingle

LondonLisa said:

Please continue to postpone the wedding until you are both in a better place.

One doesn’t cancel a wedding in haste. 

Get off off social media as a place to air grievances. 

Contine with conselling. 

Think about getting engaged again in 6 months time at least. 

If either you or your partner’s first reaction is to bail, you aren’t ready for marriage. 

I have to completely agree with this advice. Calling of the wedding, even if it was just on FB, is a drastic overreaction to a fight. 

Jen4948

Call everyone and tell them.

Keep going to counseling.

Stop posting anything wedding-related on Facebook.