Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Post Wedding Blues and Critiques!! Halllp!

I know this is a silly post but the H, BFFs and MOB I'm sure are getting tired of it. We planned and paid for our wedding ourselves and it was fun, exciting, and seriously stressful. I miss it all now and of course in retrospect am not sure why I was so stressed. I keep reliving not just what truly was our beautiful, most happy day but the actual planning and am STILL obsessed with weddings. Worse, I've been criticizing ours and have made a list of things I still would definitely do over despite how overall well it turned out.

When planning, compromises definitely had to be made due to timing, location (as in proximity to church), and budget (although we set a fairly robust one, this area ain't cheap!). I was so stressed and exhausted that there were more than a few times I think I sort of just started giving up. My wonderful now hubby was extremely involved but was on work travel a lot and, after all is still a man so tiny details that mattered a lot to me I just didn't even bother to share with him because I know he was already carrying a lot trying to make me happy.

Meanwhile, I was overly concerned with trying to pull off the perfect day and make everyone else happy. So I gave up the best outdoor reception venue worried that the tented area and ground wouldn't work for the elderly guests and weather would be too much of worry. Coordinating multiple vendors was getting hard so we found a lovely luxury hotel that had both out and indoor spaces and let us customize the menu etc.

The day flew by and when we returned from our incredible honeymoon I began reliving through photos and getting feedback. Some was stellar and some left me starting to second guess my choices which led me down the black hole of deep self-criticism and desperate want of a do-over. Here is my list:

1) Hire better photographer (allocate less to flowers and food and more to a top)
2) Get planner/day of coordinator 
2) Plated dinner vs. three stations 
3) Have the late night bites passed or announced
4) Get paper products designed to match with our self-made graphic early on
5) Band instead of DJ
6) Balloons/props for photos
7) Take more time dress shopping
8) Signage for cigar bar area
9) Switch s'more station to ice cream/sno cones

Does anyone else feel this way??? What is your list? Tell me I'm not crazy. Please. 

Re: Post Wedding Blues and Critiques!! Halllp!

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Maybe just a little bit crazy. Stop dwelling on the things that you would change and concentrate on all the wonderful things that happened that day, the most important being you married your H. I'm sure everyone has those moments of "I wish I had done this instead" but it doesn't do any good to focus on them. It doesn't sound as if anything actually went wrong - just you would like to have done things a little differently. Some brides have had had major problems occur on their wedding days and still love their day! Move on!
    thisismynickname2SP29
  • I know this is a silly post but the H, BFFs and MOB I'm sure are getting tired of it. We planned and paid for our wedding ourselves and it was fun, exciting, and seriously stressful. I miss it all now and of course in retrospect am not sure why I was so stressed. I keep reliving not just what truly was our beautiful, most happy day but the actual planning and am STILL obsessed with weddings. Worse, I've been criticizing ours and have made a list of things I still would definitely do over despite how overall well it turned out.

    When planning, compromises definitely had to be made due to timing, location (as in proximity to church), and budget (although we set a fairly robust one, this area ain't cheap!). I was so stressed and exhausted that there were more than a few times I think I sort of just started giving up. My wonderful now hubby was extremely involved but was on work travel a lot and, after all is still a man so tiny details that mattered a lot to me I just didn't even bother to share with him because I know he was already carrying a lot trying to make me happy.

    Meanwhile, I was overly concerned with trying to pull off the perfect day and make everyone else happy. So I gave up the best outdoor reception venue worried that the tented area and ground wouldn't work for the elderly guests and weather would be too much of worry. Coordinating multiple vendors was getting hard so we found a lovely luxury hotel that had both out and indoor spaces and let us customize the menu etc.

    The day flew by and when we returned from our incredible honeymoon I began reliving through photos and getting feedback. Some was stellar and some left me starting to second guess my choices which led me down the black hole of deep self-criticism and desperate want of a do-over. Here is my list:

    1) Hire better photographer (allocate less to flowers and food and more to a top)
    2) Get planner/day of coordinator 
    2) Plated dinner vs. three stations 
    3) Have the late night bites passed or announced
    4) Get paper products designed to match with our self-made graphic early on
    5) Band instead of DJ
    6) Balloons/props for photos
    7) Take more time dress shopping
    8) Signage for cigar bar area
    9) Switch s'more station to ice cream/sno cones

    Does anyone else feel this way??? What is your list? Tell me I'm not crazy. Please. 
    I think everyone does this a little but you are obccessing a little. Plan something else! Plan a big trip, a family reunion, a celebration for a milestone birthday.... hell, I am currently overthinking Thanksgiving. It sounds like you enjoyed planning so instead of going over it again and again, get a new thing.
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensSP29
  • Maybe a little over thinking this? There’s are always things people would change; I know there are things I’d do differently but like PPs said, you can’t go back and redo it. Focus on the wonderful things you did. And stick around here and help other brides plan their weddings. Use your experience to help someone else. 
    missJeanLouisedowntondiva
  • I think most people, after their wedding, have a couple of things that they would've done differently. However, you are taking it too far. It sounds like you had a lovely wedding, and you need to quit criticizing yourself over these details that you think weren't quite right. None of this affects your new marriage, and I'm sure none of it negatively affected your guests' enjoyment of the day. Time to put your energy into something new.
    image
    charlotte989875SP29
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Ok, the list. You need to stop. Your wedding is over and there's nothing you can do to change these things. Dwelling on this is not healthy. 

    You want to know my list? Here's a list of things that all went wrong at my wedding: 
    DJ showed up late 
    DJ's sound system malfunctioned many times during our ceremony 
    I didn't get any pictures with my family 
    My cake FELL OVER onto the ground while people were walking into the dining room 

    There's more, but I honestly don't remember now. Even with all of these mishaps, I wouldn't change a thing. It was still the happiest day, and I'm married to someone that I love so very much. That's what matters. My guests had a great time, and still talk about our wedding 3 years later.

    All of these tiny details - they don't mean anything. Trust me that no one is thinking about the fact that you didn't have a sign at the cigar station. Let it go. Focus on the good. Find a new project to focus on. 

    thisismynickname2InLoveInQueensSP29
  • edited November 14
    I hope this post allowed you to vent and feel better. 

    Now let it go.

    If multiple people (especially those closest to you) are telling you to stop rehashing things, you need to start listening. All the talk about things you'd do differently/didn't like is probably weighing heaviest on your new husband who is just trying to enjoy time with you as newlyweds. You're souring the experience for BOTH of you and you don't even realize it. Knock it off and go enjoy this new chapter before you regret wrecking this special time by focusing on the past. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    SP29
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    agreed, I have a few things I wish I had done differently, and I think EVERYONE does, but what's done is done.  Personally, I prefer a DJ over a band myself.  I'm sure your guests didn't even care either way.  And while my photographer was excellent some of my BEST pictures came from guests.  Have you asked around for all of them?

    charlotte989875
  • Sure, I can say "if I had more money I would have had a plated dinner" but making a list like this is OTT. You just need to find something else to plan - work on holiday menus; focus on Christmas shopping; next vacation. 
    SP29
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