Etiquette

BM dresses?

minealoneminealone
10 Comments 5 Love Its
member
edited December 2 in Etiquette
initially I’d told my bridesmaids to buy any dress they want within a certain length/fabric and color, but nobody had done anything about it. Rather than make a big deal about it, I bought them each a dress as a gift. They’re set to arrive at the end of the month. My question is, since I bought them am I required to pay for alterations if needed or is it acceptable to expect them to? (They weren’t* bought at a bridal shop and can choose where to get it done if that makes a difference)

Re: BM dresses?

  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    edited December 1
    I would say that since you did in fact purchase the dresses you are on the hook for the alterations as well. Though I do have to ask if you were going to give your BMs that direction, why did you buy the dresses anyway? If you told me that, I'd want to pick out my own dress. In fact that is what my BFF did. She said knee length and blue. I bought my dress for $3 at Goodwill.

    When is your wedding? If it's not for some time, they still had plenty of time to get the dresses.

    ETA: This is the dress I wore in case you wanted to know:
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    Formerly known as bubbles053009

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    minealoneoliviaengagedLadyCatherineDB
  • Well from the beginning they decided that they all wanted to match.They didn’t want to go shopping alone (fair) and every time we set a date to do it, one or more would opt out last minute. And every time somebody would find a dress, text a picture, at least one of the others wouldn’t like it. Then I found this one, they all liked it, but one confided that she loves the dress but didn’t feel comfortable spending this much money on a dress online. I didn’t want to put her on the spot about it, and rather than make her feel like it’s charity in some way (because it isn’t) I decided to just buy it for all of them during Black Friday, it cost me $50 each, 3 dresses, so I figured why not? But now I’m worried about the alterations. 



  • It was more of a spur, reactive “don’t worry about it, i was planning on buying whatever dress you guys picked out as a gift for all your help anyway” kinda thing
    MesmrEwe
  • How did you even know what size to order? 
    eileenrobholyguacamole79
  • For the sizes, I asked them, they checked the size chart and told me.

    theyre not intended to be my “bridesmaid gift” I’ve gotten them earrings, a clutch and a Starbucks gift card for that. Like I said, I just kind of blurted it out when she expressed her concern. 

    What I took from the conversation wasn’t the amount the dress cost (it was $92 at the time, I got it a few days later on Black Friday), it was more a hesitation at spending ANY money on an online store. 

    I really don’t think they would have an issue with it if I asked them to get it altered themselves, I predict they’ll offer to do it anyway since they asked me to drop off their dresses whenever we hang out next as opposed to scheduling a day where they can all come over and try them on. I’m wondering when I do deliver their dresses, should I say “hey btw if it needs any alterations let me know and I’ll take care of it”. Etiquette wise, what’s the right thing for me to do? I’m more dreading the logistics than anything else. 
  • Thank you! I wanted to be sure 
  • You already bought dresses for your girls, in my mind, you don't need to pay the alteration fee if the dresses need to be altered.
  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    I think it's a nice dress. I wouldn't feel comfortable in it given my bust size. But I'm still in the boat that if one of your BMs expressed that they didn't think they could afford the dress, you should at least offer the alterations. Depending on what needs to be altered it can get expensive. I ended up spending a total of like $300 for my MOH for my brother's wedding and I was in college at the time. 
    Formerly known as bubbles053009

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  • I'm a little on the fence about this one. I think it depends on how much basic alterations would cost. 

    So for example, I've paid $130 for alterations and I've paid $20 depending on the fabric, complexity, and structure of a BM dress. If you chose a dress that's really expensive to alter (like to the point it could exceed what they would have spent on a dress they picked out), I think you should consider chipping in. If not, I wouldn't worry about it.
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    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • I agree with PPs, I don't think you need to chip in, or pay for the entirety of alterations. Since they helped pick out the dress and told you their sizes I think it's on them to cover alterations if needed. 
    STARMOON44
  • That's a beautiful dress for women with very little up top--I'd be concerned I'd look like a porn start with how much my tatas would be showing, especially because it's so low a traditional bra wouldn't be possible. 

    I hope they're returnable? I'd drop them off for each girl and say "let me know if there are any issues!" or something like that at least. What's your plan if 2 girls love it and one is like "No amount of alterations will ever make this look halfway decent"?
    MairePoppyahoywedding
  • Lovely dress though I agree it could be problematic depending on body type (but that can be said of almost any dress).

    In general I think it's assumed the bridesmaid pays for her own alterations.
    Assuming the bride picks a dress in their budget, normally it's acceptable for the bride to make them buy a dress AND get it altered. In your case its only the latter so I'd think even better!

    The catch here is that they never tried the thing on first and got officially measured.

    I know I once had to order a dress in October for a wedding in April. One of my three measurements was in their "plus size" category so I had to pay $20 extra for an extra large dress.
    I lost 20lbs over the next six months... and I ended up having to pay almost $200 in alterations because the gal had to remake the whole back of the dress to take it in enough.
    So a $180 dress turned into a $400 one.

    This is a long winded way of saying: Maybe make sure girls know that if the size is way too big or if it's too small, that you'll exchange the dress for them so they don't have to spend a mint on alterations.
  • Sometimes I think that we ask bridesmaids to buy a dress they will never wear again is unreasonable...
    charlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited December 6
    Oops. Never mind.
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  • I think your BM will deal with the alternations, so don't worry. 
  • I think it's all about being fair. The weirdest thing happened to me is that my BMs don't want to buy their dresses, instead, they want to buy me a gift that's not even on the list. But since we are besties from high school, they said they are going to buy me something I've always wanted. Honestly, it didn't ring a bell(all I can think of is a car that's way too expensive for them to afford). So I decided to buy them the dress and of course the alteration is on me. My budget is $150 each. While since some of them live far, I will post the dress to them so they can try on and do alterations themselves. It's more reasonable. 
  • sophieme said:
    I think it's all about being fair. The weirdest thing happened to me is that my BMs don't want to buy their dresses, instead, they want to buy me a gift that's not even on the list. But since we are besties from high school, they said they are going to buy me something I've always wanted. Honestly, it didn't ring a bell(all I can think of is a car that's way too expensive for them to afford). So I decided to buy them the dress and of course the alteration is on me. My budget is $150 each. While since some of them live far, I will post the dress to them so they can try on and do alterations themselves. It's more reasonable. 
    Why don't you just ask them to wear a dress they already own? 
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  • justsie said:
    sophieme said:
    I think it's all about being fair. The weirdest thing happened to me is that my BMs don't want to buy their dresses, instead, they want to buy me a gift that's not even on the list. But since we are besties from high school, they said they are going to buy me something I've always wanted. Honestly, it didn't ring a bell(all I can think of is a car that's way too expensive for them to afford). So I decided to buy them the dress and of course the alteration is on me. My budget is $150 each. While since some of them live far, I will post the dress to them so they can try on and do alterations themselves. It's more reasonable. 
    Why don't you just ask them to wear a dress they already own? 
    If she wants to buy dresses at $150 a pop and pay for the alterations, who cares?
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    charlotte989875
  • I think its a nice gesture to buy it for them, but no need to pay for alterations. Personally I plan on using renttherunway for my 4 girls dresses. They get 2 sizes each for one price, under $100 and then they just sen dit back and never have to worry about it again. It's fantastic!
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