Wedding Woes

You should go. Like, yesterday.

Dear Prudence,

I’m unsure about what to do with my current relationship. I’m 23, he’s 28, and we’ve been dating for about five months. He’s an incredibly sweet, fun-loving, and compassionate guy, so I have nothing negative to say about his character. However, there are a few reasons why I don’t see us having a real future together.

He doesn’t want kids and never has, whereas I’ve always wanted to be a mom. The last time the subject came up, he said he would “let our relationship grow until I genuinely want to have children with you,” but that for now, the thought of having kids scares him. He has a history of depression, and sometimes hypochondria. For the past few months, he’s been experiencing a lot of symptoms that he thinks could be indicative of multiple sclerosis, cancer, or other diseases, and it’s been causing him a lot of stress. I’ve tried my best to be supportive—after all, some of the symptoms could be cause for concern—but after several visits to the doctor, he has acknowledged his hypochondria and resolved to treat it. I respect him a lot for that.

I’m ashamed to say this, but I often find myself fantasizing about past lovers. I know that to a certain degree this is normal, but I feel like I’ve gone way past normal at this point. It’s probably around 80 percent of the time. He frequently tells me how much he loves me, and how much he wants to be with me. I love him too, but when he said that he wants to “spend the rest of [his] life with” me, I told him that it was too early for such a profound statement.

—Stay or Go

Re: You should go. Like, yesterday.

  • Omgbreak up tomorrow 
    eileenrobInLoveInQueenscharlotte989875sparklepants41
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    The kid issue alone should be the reason LW peaces out.  What if the BF is never ready, even after a few years of living together and/or marriage?  What will LW do then? 
    short+sassy
  • LW isn’t being fair to either of them.  Break up ASAP.
    short+sassy
  • I want multiple kids and I'm 28 years old. I'm in a short-term relationship with someone who doesn't want the life I want and is a dramatic hypochondriac who is crying wolf about cancer, MS and other actual serious diseases people truly suffer from. I also fantasize about other people.

    I seriously don't know what is wrong people. Bounce. The. Fuck. Out. There are more than 4 men in the world who are "sweet, fun-loving, compassionate" AND ALSO want kids and don't cry wolf about serious diseases. She's acting like she's 18, not 28. 
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    InLoveInQueens
  • I want multiple kids and I'm 28 years old. I'm in a short-term relationship with someone who doesn't want the life I want and is a dramatic hypochondriac who is crying wolf about cancer, MS and other actual serious diseases people truly suffer from. I also fantasize about other people.

    I seriously don't know what is wrong people. Bounce. The. Fuck. Out. There are more than 4 men in the world who are "sweet, fun-loving, compassionate" AND ALSO want kids and don't cry wolf about serious diseases. She's acting like she's 18, not 28. 
    She’s actually 23! 
    southernbelle0915eileenrob
  • I want multiple kids and I'm 28 years old. I'm in a short-term relationship with someone who doesn't want the life I want and is a dramatic hypochondriac who is crying wolf about cancer, MS and other actual serious diseases people truly suffer from. I also fantasize about other people.

    I seriously don't know what is wrong people. Bounce. The. Fuck. Out. There are more than 4 men in the world who are "sweet, fun-loving, compassionate" AND ALSO want kids and don't cry wolf about serious diseases. She's acting like she's 18, not 28. 
    She’s actually 23! 
    Oh whoops I got them mixed up. Even worse. She's in her prime - go fish, girlfriend!
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    STARMOON44eileenrobcharlotte989875
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Well, this one is easy. 

    Sorry boyfriend, but I don't see a future without children and you don't see a future with them.  We should end this now so we can both find what we want.
    image
    OliveOilsMomshort+sassycharlotte989875
  • Well, this one is easy. 

    Sorry boyfriend, but I don't see a future without children and you don't see a future with them.  We should end this now so we can both find what we want.


    Truth!!!  I think many problems in a relationship can be overcome if both people are willing to compromise.

    But there is no compromise for kids vs. no kids.  That alone is why they need to move on from each other.

    I would further caution her to just stay away if he changes his tune.  Someone changing their stance on kids, just to keep their g/f in the picture, is not a good gamble for "happily ever after". 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • So I agree break up. 

    But... she says she wants kids and has to know right now that's in the cards, he's saying he might develop that desire over time, but right now no. Cool. 

    But then she also says his saying "I could spend the rest of my life with you" is too soon? Fine. 

    But like you want him to say he's going to want to have kids, but you're not okay with him saying he wants to spend his life with you. This just doesn't add up to me. 

    Break up. Find someone who wants what you want. Let him do the same. 
    southernbelle0915
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