My younger sister is getting married this September and there seems to be some issues with bridesmaid dresses. Background information, my little sister is a very selfish person who can be very bitchy under normal circumstances. Also, she didn't actually ask me to be in her bridal party, she just assumed it. And she was terrible for my wedding a few years back. By terrible, meaning she was so unhelpful and rude I would not have had her in my party if I realized it would have been that way and did not speak to her a long time afterwards. She refused to help or participate in anything, picked fights with my in-laws for no reason, and spent the wedding reception (along with shower and gift opening) telling everyone how much better her wedding will be (when she wasn't even engaged at the time).
I am being the better person, but I am not sure how much is her asking too much, especially considering the type of person she is. I feel very unmotivated to do more for people who would never do half as much for you. If the roles were reversed for the situation below, I bet my left kidney on there being no doubt she would not go along with the expectation she is laying out. I know the general expectation is to please the bride, but when is the bride's expectations too much?
So the issue at hand is my younger sister has very expensive taste. She choose a purple for her wedding, specifically a plum. But the shade she chose happen to not be available at David's Bridal, and only at boutiques that are more expensive.
Being a bridesmaid, I expected to pay somewhere between 100-200 for a dress, and then pay for alterations. She told me and the other sister that only this color would do and dress prices at this boutique where between 180 and 250, which is the price for dresses these days. That Davids dresses are the same price, garbage quality, and not available in her color. Turns out all of that (besides the color) was not true. Davids prices range from 100 to 180 and are the same quality as the dresses at the boutique. And the dresses at the boutique were more expensive than projected.
Going to the boutique, me and the other sister did not receive any help picking out or finding dresses, barely any help with putting them on. Also, my sister and I are both plus size, about sizes 18-20. We tried on a bunch of dresses, most of which are priced at 250. There was not much selection at the boutique in dresses in our size and we don't like the idea of trying on a dress that is no where close to your size as a basis for ordering your size.
After this fitting, we found out that the color of the dress my sister picked is only available from one designer (its his color) and that most of the dresses we tried on where not his. To this date, I am not sure which ones I tried on where his or not his, which ones where actually close to my size or not. We also found out that there is an additional 30 dollars for the plus size, and that may be even on the prices of the sample dresses that are plus size.
My other sister wanted to go to Davids to try on dresses that are in our sizes, even though they don't have the shade of purple that is an exact match to the color my sister chose. The first thing they did was size us and helped us find dresses in our sizes to try on, which seems normal. The dresses fit very well. The thought was we could use this to make it easier to pick out the dresses from the other bridal store. Me and the other sister than contacted a few bridal salons to see if they have samples from this designer in our sizes to try on. The result was the same everywhere, that they only get up to size 14 or so, and they get larger sample sizes from other designers.
I then compared the size chart of davids to the designer's size chart, to our measurements to find that the designer's bust:waist:hip proportions are different than Davids. They are less plus size friendly, Davids has 5 inches difference between waist and bust, designer has 7. Me and my sister each have about 5 inches difference between waist and bust.
So to purchase a bridesmaid dress, we would have to decide on a style that doesn't have a sample in our size to try on, pay an extra 30 for larger size on top of the higher 250 prices, hope the dress looks good on us, pay to have the chest altered to fit us, and pay for helming and any other alterations.
By time it is said and done it is between 400-500 dollars I am expected to pay to get a dress that is designed not to fit me. I really think that the designer does not want plus size woman (except ones that just have big breasts) wearing their dresses. The bride sister has no room to budge to have a similar color that is not an exact match.
My dad has offered to pay some of the expenses for all the bridesmaids, since these dresses are quite more expensive, but it still seems like it is asking a lot. And its someone who you can't ask anything of at any time that is asking a lot.
My other sister also has two daughters, who will be 11 and 9 at the wedding. She does not want to pay the designer prices for a dress for these children, and my sister is back to not budging on the color for more affordable dresses.
I don't understand why a color in a more accessible line of dresses would have not been an option or why a slightly off shade isn't an option. I am not finding this to be a good experience, I know I have a little more weight on me, but I expected that I would be able to try on dresses that fit me and are reasonably priced.
I am debating wheither I should back out, just buy a dress of a similar color and make my sister deal with it, or just buy a dress from the designer and hope it works out. And if that dress doesn't fit well to the point I am uncomfortable wearing it, what do I do then?
I texted my sister about this situation of the road block of not being able to try on dresses and that the designer is not plus size friendly, but she ignored it. She is getting mad and doesn't want any more to do with it. She yelled at our mother for asking her about the color shade being off and told her she is done going to bridal boutiques. There was one farther away that the boutique recommended a designer that is plus friendly and the color is very similar, but it seems that my sister doesn't want any variation or anything to do with it.
She also went on about how she is spending way more for this wedding (which the other sister explained to her is how weddings work) and it is costing more than her income of 30,000. My parents say she is highly exaggerating that figure, cause they are giving her 4,000 that almost covers her dress, the food, and the cupcakes.
I feel like my sister has been lying or misleading us a little and doesn't care we can't try on dresses before we buy them, which I find really strange to buy such an expensive dress I can't try on. I don't know where the line between pleasing the bride and the bride's expectations being unreal is. I am unsure what to do and am frustrated that my sister is just letting this be our problem. Especially since from her behavior currently and in the past, a lot of this wedding seems to be about one upping our weddings.
Any advice? Is her expecations reasonable/unreasonable? Is my response reasonable/unreasonable?
I also feel like there is more of this and less of fun for the future, since my sister is a little unbearable of a person to begin with.
I really don't know anymore.