Bullies

CharmedPam

I'm glad that more emphasis is being put on bullies these days.  Growing up it "wasn't a problem" or "every kid does it" in my era, so I'm glad it's getting recognition that it can really ruin a child's life.  (this is all coming from the Keaton Jones video).

What can be done?  I'd love to say, if it's done at school, teachers should have stricter punishments for them - but bullies are smart enough to not do it in front of adults. 

banana468

The invention of the internet gives bullies a platform that just didn't exist when I was in HS. 

IMO, this is where a HS or even a middle school can work to implement polices where bullying outside of school can have repercussions.   It's no longer a clean break to say that it happened across a computer outside of school hours.

kimmiinthemitten

There is a caveat to that poor boys story.

His mom is a blatant racist; I can't help but be angry that she is so upset when her son isn't accepted for who he is while she advocates for disenfranchising other people for who they are.

Keaton even issued an apology for his mom, so I'm hoping the compassion he is being shown, especially by POC, will have a stronger hold on his character than who she is.

ETA:  I also strongly believe most bullies are the result of bully parents.

sparklepants41

kimmiinthemitten said:

There is a caveat to that poor boys story.

His mom is a blatant racist; I can't help but be angry that she is so upset when her son isn't accepted for who he is while she advocates for disenfranchising other people for who they are.

Keaton even issued an apology for his mom, so I'm hoping the compassion he is being shown, especially by POC, will have a stronger hold on his character than who she is.

ETA:  I also strongly believe most bullies are the result of bully parents.

Wait. Really??

CharmedPam

@kimmiinthemitten, that's really disheartening to hear that about her  

Yes, some bullies are taught that at home.  Some just have bad home lives altogether and honestly I think some kids are just impressionable and get it from other kids too. 

kimmiinthemitten

Yeah, she has a bunch of FB posts defending the confederate flag, she bashes Colin Kaepernick and called people who complain about racism butthurt and alluded that she shouldn't complain unless their bones are actually broken.

She also allegedly was PMing with an MMA fighter and soliciting money and when he called her out for using her sons situation to profit off of, she said something like "us whites need to stick together."

sparklepants41

kimmiinthemitten said:

Yeah, she has a bunch of FB posts defending the confederate flag, she bashes Colin Kaepernick and called people who complain about racism butthurt and alluded that she shouldn't complain unless their bones are actually broken.

She also allegedly was PMing with an MMA fighter and soliciting money and when he called her out for using her sons situation to profit off of, she said something like "us whites need to stick together."

OMG!! That's really shitty. 

ei34

Students at my school face repercussions for cyber bullying during non-school hours.  It’s a private (Catholic) school, so I guess administration has more leeway in creating rules for students in their off time than a public school would.  
Only in my personal experience, cyber bullying is down a bit from 4-5 years ago, although it remains a huge problem.  I’m glad I’m not a student now.  I was bullied a lot in middle school and a bit in HS, but it more or less ended at 2:30.  I couldn’t imagine 24 hours a day.  

*Barbie*

banana468 said:

The invention of the internet gives bullies a platform that just didn't exist when I was in HS. 

IMO, this is where a HS or even a middle school can work to implement polices where bullying outside of school can have repercussions.   It's no longer a clean break to say that it happened across a computer outside of school hours.

I somewhat disagree with you on this point - the schools are resource constrained as is - I don't feel like this should fall into their realm of responsibility to police what is happening outside of their property/IT systems. If the bullying is occurring during school or extracurricular hours, on their property, or using their resources, then they have accountability to track/report/punish - beyond that I think it's the responsibility of the parents/guardians to manage access/accountability/escalation.

***In cases where there's an ongoing investigation from the school, I don't think it's unreasonable if the parents bring forth additional examples that happened outside of school resources for consideration in overall consequences - but I think the parents need to be the ones to collect this information and make the request, not the schools.

banana468

*Barbie* said:

banana468 said:

The invention of the internet gives bullies a platform that just didn't exist when I was in HS. 

IMO, this is where a HS or even a middle school can work to implement polices where bullying outside of school can have repercussions.   It's no longer a clean break to say that it happened across a computer outside of school hours.

I somewhat disagree with you on this point - the schools are resource constrained as is - I don't feel like this should fall into their realm of responsibility to police what is happening outside of their property/IT systems. If the bullying is occurring during school or extracurricular hours, on their property, or using their resources, then they have accountability to track/report/punish - beyond that I think it's the responsibility of the parents/guardians to manage access/accountability/escalation.

***In cases where there's an ongoing investigation from the school, I don't think it's unreasonable if the parents bring forth additional examples that happened outside of school resources for consideration in overall consequences - but I think the parents need to be the ones to collect this information and make the request, not the schools.

The issue I have is cyber related.   If there's bullying with a paper trail (or screen shots) that are clearly affecting the academic environment then that needs to be enforced.  

Imo, it's when it's a pattern of behavior that they're allowed to use it as means for disciplinary action

GBCK

I've also seen clever kids use the systems in place as bludgeoning/bullying tools.  I mean, if you can use plausible deniability to aggrivate Billy until he (because of his inability to channel it better) does something stupid that there's no deniability for, then Billy gets in trouble....yeah.

I'm not saying the systems shouldn't be in place, just that they're not as clear cut as all that.

ernursej

I was bullied from Grade 4 until Grade 10 and what I learned from the experience is that almost every bully is doing the bullying to improve their own feelings of worth and importance. Any measures to stem bullying need to be about fostering connections, bringing people together and finding commonalities. Everyone needs to feel accepted and heard. When that isn’t happening, negative attention is better than no attention. A friend is doing her Masters on bullying and she has found that many bullies will bully those ‘below’ them to help themselves feel better about their situation. 

I think any any program needs to be about all kids and standing up to bullying by improving relationships.