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Etiquette

Spouse death on invite list

So, a friend of mine recently lost their spouse, suddenly and unexpectedly. I had previously sent them both a save the date, and am getting ready to send my invites. Here's the plan:

Address it to Mr. Husband, and put "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor." I had previously allotted for 2 seats and he is welcome to bring anyone, if he chooses.

My invites will arrive probably 1-2 months after the loss of his spouse, so I feel a little uncomfortable changing it to "and guest" because.. his wife wouldve been there. Is there anything wrong with my plan? Should I address the seating number with him, to let him know any guest he chooses (if he decides to) is fine? I don't want him to think I just forgot about the number.

Re: Spouse death on invite list

  • ellamber said:
    So, a friend of mine recently lost their spouse, suddenly and unexpectedly. I had previously sent them both a save the date, and am getting ready to send my invites. Here's the plan:

    Address it to Mr. Husband, and put "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor." I had previously allotted for 2 seats and he is welcome to bring anyone, if he chooses.

    My invites will arrive probably 1-2 months after the loss of his spouse, so I feel a little uncomfortable changing it to "and guest" because.. his wife wouldve been there. Is there anything wrong with my plan? Should I address the seating number with him, to let him know any guest he chooses (if he decides to) is fine? I don't want him to think I just forgot about the number.
    Are you close with this person? Could you just have a conversation? Like "Hey friend, if you'd like to bring a friend to the wedding, just let us know by X date."

    If you aren't close enough to have a conversation, I agree with just addressing it to him (no "and guest"). 

    If "___ seats in your honor" is pre-printed on the RSVP card, I would actually just intentionally leave it blank and let him reply with either just his name or maybe he will add a guest and you've already accounted for it. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    ahoyweddingMairePoppy
  • ellamber said:
    So, a friend of mine recently lost their spouse, suddenly and unexpectedly. I had previously sent them both a save the date, and am getting ready to send my invites. Here's the plan:

    Address it to Mr. Husband, and put "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor." I had previously allotted for 2 seats and he is welcome to bring anyone, if he chooses.

    My invites will arrive probably 1-2 months after the loss of his spouse, so I feel a little uncomfortable changing it to "and guest" because.. his wife wouldve been there. Is there anything wrong with my plan? Should I address the seating number with him, to let him know any guest he chooses (if he decides to) is fine? I don't want him to think I just forgot about the number.
    Are you close with this person? Could you just have a conversation? Like "Hey friend, if you'd like to bring a friend to the wedding, just let us know by X date."

    If you aren't close enough to have a conversation, I agree with just addressing it to him (no "and guest"). 

    If "___ seats in your honor" is pre-printed on the RSVP card, I would actually just intentionally leave it blank and let him reply with either just his name or maybe he will add a guest and you've already accounted for it. 
    _______________________________________________________________


    I am, and I could. Ours is a professional relationship that became more of a friendship, so I see him once per month on a professional level but could certainly discuss it with him. I may just hold on to his invite in that case and send it a bit closer to the date, and therefore further from the tragedy hes experiencing. The # is pre printed on the RSVP, but I can make sure to give him a blank one (we are having about 5 extra invites made so this wouldnt be any issue).

    Honestly, I doubt he will still go. We are good friends, but itll be one of the first events for him to go to alone.
  • banana468 said:
    I would try to handle this in conversation as well.   It's too fresh to just handle like some kind of a form.   I'd try to see if you can just talk to him about it and say he's welcome to bring a friend. 
    i think that's what I'll do. I'm thinking I'll address his invite, but maybe give it to him in person and just mention that if he had anyone he wanted to bring he is welcome to.
    MairePoppymollybarker11OliveOilsMomSP29
  • MobKaz said:
    ellamber said:
    ellamber said:
    So, a friend of mine recently lost their spouse, suddenly and unexpectedly. I had previously sent them both a save the date, and am getting ready to send my invites. Here's the plan:

    Address it to Mr. Husband, and put "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor." I had previously allotted for 2 seats and he is welcome to bring anyone, if he chooses.

    My invites will arrive probably 1-2 months after the loss of his spouse, so I feel a little uncomfortable changing it to "and guest" because.. his wife wouldve been there. Is there anything wrong with my plan? Should I address the seating number with him, to let him know any guest he chooses (if he decides to) is fine? I don't want him to think I just forgot about the number.
    Are you close with this person? Could you just have a conversation? Like "Hey friend, if you'd like to bring a friend to the wedding, just let us know by X date."

    If you aren't close enough to have a conversation, I agree with just addressing it to him (no "and guest"). 

    If "___ seats in your honor" is pre-printed on the RSVP card, I would actually just intentionally leave it blank and let him reply with either just his name or maybe he will add a guest and you've already accounted for it. 
    _______________________________________________________________


    I am, and I could. Ours is a professional relationship that became more of a friendship, so I see him once per month on a professional level but could certainly discuss it with him. I may just hold on to his invite in that case and send it a bit closer to the date, and therefore further from the tragedy hes experiencing. The # is pre printed on the RSVP, but I can make sure to give him a blank one (we are having about 5 extra invites made so this wouldnt be any issue).

    Honestly, I doubt he will still go. We are good friends, but itll be one of the first events for him to go to alone.
    People handle grief so very differently.  There is no way to predict how any one person will respond.

    DD had a dear friend who's SO died unexpectedly a few months prior to her wedding.  Initially, dear friend expressed a desire to maintain "life in general".  She RSVP'd "yes" to DD's wedding, with the intent of bringing a good friend along as a guest.  There would be several others in attendance at the wedding that dear friend would know as well.  This was all discussed in person between DD and dear friend.

    When the date of the wedding neared, dear friend called and rescinded her acceptance.  She realized that the nature of the event might be too difficult for her.  Obviously, DD more than understood.

    I would encourage you to continue to send the invitation with either a personal call just prior to or immediately following the mailing.  Just be sure to understand and accept the possibility that what is said on any given day may change in the future. 
    I would absolutely understand, even if it were that morning or he just no showed. hes taking it very hard (understandably) so I'm going to just him know I support whatever he decides. It was really hard for me to take her name off. I wish there was more I could do right now, but I want to respect his privacy as well.

    Sorry trailed off a little there.
    MobKaz
  • Awww.  My best to him.  It sounds like he has caring people in his life, like you. That's great.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Awww.  My best to him.  It sounds like he has caring people in his life, like you. That's great.
    What? Hi Jackie, so nice of you to drop by :)
                
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