FMIL drama. Here we go. Tried to keep it short, failed.
Mom and I go out to FMIL/FIs hometown where the wedding will be. We go around and talk to various people and have a very successful, fun day. Both moms had great input, ideas, and advice for me when I was meeting with my vendors. I wanted them to be a part of the experience and FMIL knew the way around town. Then we go to lunch.
At lunch, we begin discussing various aspects of the wedding. I have told her from day 1, FI and I wanted a "small feel" wedding. Not necessarily intimate (as in like <20-30), but just people we are close with and have a vested interest in our future. No more than 75-100 invited. We also wanted no kids, other than WP members. She seems to have completely ignored our wishes from the start and I feel like I'm being walked over. Today, she got bent out of shape because I said some OOTs' kids will not be/should not be invited to the wedding ceremony. I get that it'd be hard to get a sitter when they'd be traveling a ways and be gone for days, so it's fine for them to bring the kids, but we'd already made arrangements, or so I thought...
FMIL offered to hire a sitter for the reception (have an adult, paid sitter, probably a teacher, watch kids back at hotel so they could watch TV, all parents were fine with this idea), but is for some unknown reason insisting the kids (ages 5-13) be present at the wedding ceremony. She says they (as in the kids) will be sad if they can't come to see us wed. Um, most kids hate weddings, especially the ceremony! If anything, I'd think they'd want to come to the reception where the fun stuff happens, right?!?! Yet she is ok with them missing this part. I asked what the big deal was about having the sitter an hour longer for her/him to watch the kids during the ceremony. This would also save parents the trip of dropping off kids between ceremony and reception. So unless this sitter is charging an arm and a leg, I think we can swing it!
The other issue is we already spread the word that the wedding will more or less be kid free, so it seems off to tell friends they can't bring their kids when these family can. I know we could say we were keeping it to family and since they are OOT they get some passes (and that people shouldn't even inquire about why some kids came and theirs couldn't) but I just don't get why FMIL is demanding they be there in the first place when she already offered to hire a sitter for the reception.
So then we head back to FMILs house. I could tell she was mad, but by the time I left the town, mom and I thought she was over it because we were all making casual conversations and all seemed well. She hugged me bye.
Then 30 mins down the road, I get an email to my BB saying how pissed she is, and that she wants all but FOUR (out of about 30) people removed from her side of the guest list. She wants to lessen the "burden" she is causing and will make things easier. I never wanted to eliminate family, just not kids. I know this might have caused some people not to come, but less likely if we/she/I provided a sitter option!
She then said how she does not want to have to tell cousin A, B, and C that they can't bring their kids. No one said anything about that! First of all, I know all about properly addressing invites just to parents and that you don't outright tell people they can't bring their kids unless the ask or it comes up somehow, and the kids can come in to town! We will get a sitter! All parents seemed ok with this! (I know some people are skiddish). She mentioned she will be emailing all family and letting them know plans have changed. So not necessary!
She had also previously wanted some of her friends added which I have no problem now removing due to her temper tantrum, but I just think she is being so ridiculous! We are within our bounds to not ask kids and we accept that may keep OOTs from coming. That's fine.
FI called her and she pretty much said there was nothing to discuss. Supposedly she's done (she said tell me where to be and when), but she just emailed me about some RD ideas...
She threw in (during convo with FI) that she'd be sure to tell the kids that we don't want them at the wedding. Who says shitt like that?! That is SO mean! It's not that we don't love them, but we made our decision to have no kids based on alcohol/open bar, personal preference, and to give guests a night out...and I refuse to let her turn me into the bad guy.
I've discussed this with my MOH and my mom, who both will put me in place when I'm in the wrong. My mom said she was proud of how I handled it and said I spoke maturely during the initial debate...
Thoughts?
April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta....
Bio-Updated 4/22**