Bridal party nightmares--add yours

missfrodo

So I know this is a thread that's been done already, but it was a topic on the radio this morning so I thought I'd start one up again.  They were talking about some "drama" related to being a Best Man in the royal wedding, and asked people to share their bad experiences being MOH/BM in a wedding.  One woman called in saying that her sister asked her to be MOH, then told her she couldn't anymore because her FI thought she was too fat to stand up in their bridal party.  These sisters used to be super close, and are not anymore as a direct result of the wedding.  I've never been a BM or MOH, so I can't share any horror stories (and thankfully I wasn't too shitty to my MOH, who is still my best friend); but I know there are a lot of you out there who have been faced with worse.  

short+sassy

OMG, that example is HORRIBLE.  Honestly, if my FI said something like that to me about my MOH/sister, I would seriously consider calling off the wedding.  Because @short+sassy doesn't have NO time for a man who is that callous and shallow!  ((shudder))

I do have a minor horror story, though it isn't related to anyone doing anything awful to me.  I woke up at 6AM on the day of my BFF's wedding (I was a BM) just puking my guts out.  I didn't even dare move away from the toilet for about two hours.  I was SO sick .  At one point, I started uncontrollably sobbing because I was worried I wasn't going to be able to make it at all.

Thankfully, the puking finally stopped about an hour before I needed to head over to the bride's house.  I felt sick and queasy the rest of the day, but at least I made it!  As an aside, my BFF couldn't have been sweeter.  I told her I wouldn't stand up with her, if she didn't want me to, because I didn't want to ruin her wedding if I started puking again.  She said something like, "Of course I'd love for you to stand up with me, if you are feeling up to it!  You're not going to ruin my wedding (lol)!  If you want to stay seated that's fine.  If you need to go sit down during the ceremony, that's fine."  She even made sure there was a small trash can over to the side, jic. 

missfrodo

short+sassy said:

OMG, that example is HORRIBLE.  Honestly, if my FI said something like that to me about my MOH/sister, I would seriously consider calling off the wedding.  Because @short+sassy doesn't have NO time for a man who is that callous and shallow!  ((shudder))

I do have a minor horror story, though it isn't related to anyone doing anything awful to me.  I woke up at 6AM on the day of my BFF's wedding (I was a BM) just puking my guts out.  I didn't even dare move away from the toilet for about two hours.  I was SO sick .  At one point, I started uncontrollably sobbing because I was worried I wasn't going to be able to make it at all.

Thankfully, the puking finally stopped about an hour before I needed to head over to the bride's house.  I felt sick and queasy the rest of the day, but at least I made it!  As an aside, my BFF couldn't have been sweeter.  I told her I wouldn't stand up with her, if she didn't want me to, because I didn't want to ruin her wedding if I started puking again.  She said something like, "Of course I'd love for you to stand up with me, if you are feeling up to it!  You're not going to ruin my wedding (lol)!  If you want to stay seated that's fine.  If you need to go sit down during the ceremony, that's fine."  She even made sure there was a small trash can over to the side, jic. 

Wow, that stinks!  Would have made for a great story if you'd thrown up on her dress during the ceremony, but probably for the best that you didn't.  Glad not everyone turns into a crazy person for their wedding.

MissKittyDanger

short+sassy said:

OMG, that example is HORRIBLE.  Honestly, if my FI said something like that to me about my MOH/sister, I would seriously consider calling off the wedding.  Because @short+sassy doesn't have NO time for a man who is that callous and shallow!  ((shudder))

MissKittyDanger

We didn't really have 'drama'

At the beginning of the planning I was concerned about one of the GM not showing up or being late because that was just who he was.

Fun story - he was almost late! He was driving to the hotel the guys were getting ready at and forgot his shirt, so he ran into Walmart and got a black dress shirt lol! {the great part about having simple outfits}

CharmedPam

Nothing major, but one of my friends STILL gripes about the groomsmen not helping set up chairs and all that.  My friend got some bad advice that it was the bridal party's responsibility to set up and take down - so we were told to arrive early to set everything up and stay late.  

MyNameIsNot

I had a near miss in my own wedding with one of our GMs. GM is a good guy, but he's a bit of an idiot, especially in those days.

He likes to smoke pot, and wasn't very good at keeping it a secret.  He got himself in some legal trouble and had a Court date the week of our wedding and expected he was going to have to serve some time. He ended up asking me to represent him. (I'm a lawyer and knew the district). I got him a deal by convincing the prosecutor to do it for me and my wedding. 

ei34

Agree with @short+sassy I’d consider calling off the wedding if my FI was suddenly that shallow and gross.  And I love that you tagged yourself 

I thankfully haven’t had any over the top BM experiences at the hands of the bride- my most annoying was a brideslave experience.  I was young and I guess lacked the confidence to tell the bride I wasn’t helping her with seven different DIY projects.  

“Hell-like” and “traumatizing” are too dramatic, but my biggest BM nightmares have been at the hands of other BMs, not the bride.  The crown jewel was when I was MOH in my sister’s wedding, one of her BMs was tough.  

MissKittyDanger

CharmedPam said:

Nothing major, but one of my friends STILL gripes about the groomsmen not helping set up chairs and all that.  My friend got some bad advice that it was the bridal party's responsibility to set up and take down - so we were told to arrive early to set everything up and stay late.  

I feel like there's something wedding party will keep griping about that you just 'brush off'

I brushed it off but our judge was late. At the time it was the worst - watch me spiral into panic mode! - but now it's just like "why did I freak? It was maybe 10 min delay"

Lulawife

I think I've mentioned it on these boards before but I was kicked out of a wedding party because the bride's future sister-in-law didn't like my choice in best friend and because I wasn't being "supportive" enough of the bride. The wedding was still about 2 years away when I was kicked out so I'm not sure what support she expected then. I had been friends with the bride since kindergarten and I no longer speak to her thanks to that. 

debbeau

I was a bridesmaid 2 years ago for one of my closest friends. We were in the waiting room at the church waiting to walk down the aisle. The brides sister who is also a good friend had recently had a baby. She gave me a long tight hug and away I went. About half way down the aisle I noticed there were 2 wet spots on the front of my dress. Her sister must have leaked. 

thisismynickname2

DH and his best man had a fight over the bachelor party 2 weeks before our wedding. It brought to light behavior that DH has tolerated as long as he's known the guy and realized he couldn't tolerate anymore (the guy's selfishness). BM took himself out of the wedding and they haven't spoken since. 

I had drama at the hands of a fellow bridesmaid. She was pushing us to host a shower we couldn't afford and was telling the bride that the MOH was being a bitch, citing examples that never happened. Bride came to me to ask, "Did that really happen?" and I told her that BM was lying. Fast forward a couple years when that BM got married, she made everyone brideslaves. Uck. 

levioosa

I have a few lengthy posts about my own horror stories, so I won't rehash them here. But I was talking to SO's sister about our mutual hatred of being in WPs and here are some of her stories.

-She was in a wedding where the bride expected her to act as chauffeur for the BP and pick up the wedding dress. And then the bride's grandma. Also, one of the other girls had gained some weight in between getting her dress (waaay too far in advance, I might add), and the wedding. The bride lost her mind, yelling, "Why did she get fat!?! She KNEW she had to attend my wedding!" Oh, and the shoes they had to wear were hideous. And they cost $120. They were so bad that the cashier commented on how surprised she was that someone was actually buying them. Bride had everyone get professional makeup and hair. She demanded that the BP keep it "simple." SO's sister hated it and she added a little eyeliner so she wouldn't look so washed out. Bride was PISSED. 

-Wedding she was in recently was a shindig thrown in two weeks, which wouldn't have been bad except the bride was very selfish and also very unorganized. She kept adding things to her wedding expectations. This was right after expecting friends to attend her multiple day long distance birthday trip. She didn't communicate what time to be at the wedding, then demanded SO's sister read a verse at the wedding, even when SO's sister expressed her discomfort at public speaking/reading due to her dyslexia. After the wedding (that was paid for by a friend), she told SO's sister that her next wedding, her "Real Catholic Wedding" would be much different. 

MandyMost

I've only had one really obnoxious bridesmaid experience. We all went dress shopping together, and the dress that everyone liked was a halter style, full-length dress. Well, they didn't have THAT specific dress in a halter style, so we tried on other similar halter styles, and THAT specific dress in a strapless style. It also happened to have a train (yes, a bridesmaid dress with a train). Well, no matter how much the saleslady tried to explain it to her, the bride simply did could not comprehend that we could order the dress in a floor-length halter style, so she made us order strapless dresses with trains. The wedding wasn't even very formal, and the trains were sooooooooo annoying. To this day she still doesn't comprehend the concept of ordering a dress. 

Same bride refused to plan any "getting ready" activities for before the wedding that day, so my mom and I planned our morning ourselves at my mom's house with a friend to do our hair (for free--she would have done everyone's hair for free, but the bride didn't want that). Anyway, the bride (with the other bridesmaids in tow) ends up with about 2 hours to kill after leaving the hair salon the morning of the wedding, and just shows up at my mom's house, and my mom is scrambling around to find some snacks and clean up. Because the bride had outright refused my mom's offer, and then had the balls to just show up anyway.

And finally, same bride at the rehearsal, we're asking her what order we should walk down the aisle in and she FREAKS and says "we'll figure it out later!!!!". Ummm, it's the rehearsal, there is no later! It was a mess, and then lining up for the wedding itself was of course also a bit confusing because she had VERY strong opinions that she was just refusing to share with anyone and she would just keep getting pissed if we weren't in the "right places" prior to the ceremony...when she of course refused to tell us what those right places were. 

short+sassy

MandyMost said:

I've only had one really obnoxious bridesmaid experience. We all went dress shopping together, and the dress that everyone liked was a halter style, full-length dress. Well, they didn't have THAT specific dress in a halter style, so we tried on other similar halter styles, and THAT specific dress in a strapless style. It also happened to have a train (yes, a bridesmaid dress with a train). Well, no matter how much the saleslady tried to explain it to her, the bride simply did could not comprehend that we could order the dress in a floor-length halter style, so she made us order strapless dresses with trains. The wedding wasn't even very formal, and the trains were sooooooooo annoying. To this day she still doesn't comprehend the concept of ordering a dress. 

Same bride refused to plan any "getting ready" activities for before the wedding that day, so my mom and I planned our morning ourselves at my mom's house with a friend to do our hair (for free--she would have done everyone's hair for free, but the bride didn't want that). Anyway, the bride (with the other bridesmaids in tow) ends up with about 2 hours to kill after leaving the hair salon the morning of the wedding, and just shows up at my mom's house, and my mom is scrambling around to find some snacks and clean up. Because the bride had outright refused my mom's offer, and then had the balls to just show up anyway.

And finally, same bride at the rehearsal, we're asking her what order we should walk down the aisle in and she FREAKS and says "we'll figure it out later!!!!". Ummm, it's the rehearsal, there is no later! It was a mess, and then lining up for the wedding itself was of course also a bit confusing because she had VERY strong opinions that she was just refusing to share with anyone and she would just keep getting pissed if we weren't in the "right places" prior to the ceremony...when she of course refused to tell us what those right places were. 

That does sound odd!!!  Especially for a wedding that wasn't very formal anyway.

Definitely a lot to be annoyed about in that BM experience ordeal.

Jen4948

I've posted about my BM nightmare experience before, but for the benefit of anyone who hasn't seen it, here it is again:

I moved from Houston to NYC a few months after my brother and now-SIL got engaged. I was happy for them and I'm fond of my SIL and her mother, but they made a decision about bridesmaid dresses that didn't work and I would never put any of my own wedding party members through it.

They decided to buy a pattern and one long bolt of fabric and have each bridesmaid get herself measured, cut the yardage for her dress off the bolt, and pass the bolt on to the next bridesmaid. Which might have worked if the bridesmaids all lived locally, but they didn't. I had just moved to NYC and there were bridesmaids in Minnesota (this one didn't come to the wedding) and South Africa. They had intended for the one in South Africa to ship the fabric to me. I never got it from her. 

My SIL shipped me a new package of fabric and the pattern and it arrived in NYC on Christmas Eve. The wedding was scheduled for the following March 14.

So I had to find someone to make the dress with two and a half months to spare, in a new, far more expensive city than I had just moved from, in tax season. (I'm a CPA and had to work at night and on the weekends.) My mother put pressure on me to go through with it and promised to pay for the dress.

I got a referral to a dressmaker who charged twice as much as the bridesmaids in Houston, but I had no time to shop around and the Internet was new at the time this was happening. I just had time to get fitted for the dress. But when I went to pick it up, the dressmaker had made it to fit over a girdle. She demanded an extra $200 at the last minute to throw in the girdle and wouldn't otherwise release the dress to me. 

I didn't have the extra $200. I called my mother to beg for her help. My mother chewed me out over the cost of the dress before very grudgingly providing it. She also demanded that I not wear my glasses with the dress. I had not had time to find an eye doctor and didn't have contact lenses, so I ended up not being able to see clearly on the wedding day.

This has been How Not To Treat A Bridesmaid 101 for me. I don't even think I want any bridesmaids after that experience.

short+sassy

@Jen4948, OMG!  I don't think I've heard that story.  It's horrifying.  The whole long bolt of fabric that apparently needed to be shipped all over the world is totally nutso.  It is not cheap to have a dress made, I'm sure especially in NYC.  And not being allowed to wear your glasses?!?!  Big WTF.

Jen4948

short+sassy said:

@Jen4948, OMG!  I don't think I've heard that story.  It's horrifying.  The whole long bolt of fabric that apparently needed to be shipped all over the world is totally nutso.  It is not cheap to have a dress made, I'm sure especially in NYC.  And not being allowed to wear your glasses?!?!  Big WTF.

Truly. I left that dress at my mom's house after the wedding and never took it home with me. Too many bad memories.

If I were getting married, I'd probably just keep things simple and not have a wedding party. In any case, I'd never treat someone like that.

vikinganna87

Not a bridal party story but related:

One of my cousins, K, was getting married in Sweden and I flew in a few days early to make a vacation out of it.  A couple of days before the wedding she lent me her car and told me to pick up a couple of ppl at the airport.  No problem since one was my sister but I was stuck in traffic and ended up spending half the day in the car.  It was gorgeous out.

The day before the wedding cousin K again offered to lend me her car to drive about 3 hours away to the town where the wedding was.  I had already committed to a spot on the party bus (and paid) with the rest of the guests who lived in the city and had kinda been looking forward to that trip.  I obliged but then found out it involved another trip to the airport in the opposite direction.  I said no, but offered to pick up the friend at the train station before heading out toward the wedding town.  She was LIVID.  She tried to tell me the airport was on the way and I was like "I know how to read a map."  Of course, most ppl take the fast train from the airport to the city because it's like 30 mins and you avoid a lot of traffic.  We picked up the guy at the train station and drove to the wedding town, no problems at all.

I'm glad I put my foot down but cousin was pissed at me for the rest of the wedding weekend.  She's a lot older than I am and I used to look up to her, so this was the first time there was friction.

On a side note, I missed her brother's wedding a couple of years before that.  Evidently the guests (or possibly just relatives) had to WASH DISHES after the wedding.  Okay slight cultural differences but c'mon.  Luckily the horror stories put me on high alert.

CMGragain

The best way to avoid having a bridal party nightmare is to have a SMALL bridal party.

ernursej

CMGragain said:

The best way to avoid having a bridal party nightmare is to have a SMALL bridal party.

Or not at all!

MissKittyDanger

Jen4948 said:

short+sassy said:

@Jen4948, OMG!  I don't think I've heard that story.  It's horrifying.  The whole long bolt of fabric that apparently needed to be shipped all over the world is totally nutso.  It is not cheap to have a dress made, I'm sure especially in NYC.  And not being allowed to wear your glasses?!?!  Big WTF.

Truly. I left that dress at my mom's house after the wedding and never took it home with me. Too many bad memories.

If I were getting married, I'd probably just keep things simple and not have a wedding party. In any case, I'd never treat someone like that.

Another way to save issues, is just do a simple black dress. If they have one, great! If not, I consider it a staple and at least it looks good on everyone regardless size

missfrodo

MissKittyDanger said:

Jen4948 said:

short+sassy said:

@Jen4948, OMG!  I don't think I've heard that story.  It's horrifying.  The whole long bolt of fabric that apparently needed to be shipped all over the world is totally nutso.  It is not cheap to have a dress made, I'm sure especially in NYC.  And not being allowed to wear your glasses?!?!  Big WTF.

Truly. I left that dress at my mom's house after the wedding and never took it home with me. Too many bad memories.

If I were getting married, I'd probably just keep things simple and not have a wedding party. In any case, I'd never treat someone like that.

Another way to save issues, is just do a simple black dress. If they have one, great! If not, I consider it a staple and at least it looks good on everyone regardless size

The brides that inflicted bad experiences on their BMs did so because they don't see a problem treating people poorly.  I'm sure any BMs you would have would not have horror stories, because you would be thinking about their experience and their feelings.  As far as dresses go, I love the concept of telling everyone "blue and long" or something similar.  I literally picked a dress out of my MOH's closet she'd worn in another wedding, but she was the only BP member I had.  
Side note: I'm so nearsighted, I would have needed echolocation without my glasses.  Anyone who made me try it would no longer be in contact with me if their sole reasoning was aesthetics.  If they'd had a friend who was literally blind, would they have made her come up the aisle without her cane???  "No, sorry, the red on the bottom of the stick clashes with the dresses.  Just try not to trip over anything, it'll ruin the pictures."

Jen4948

MissKittyDanger said:

Jen4948 said:

short+sassy said:

@Jen4948, OMG!  I don't think I've heard that story.  It's horrifying.  The whole long bolt of fabric that apparently needed to be shipped all over the world is totally nutso.  It is not cheap to have a dress made, I'm sure especially in NYC.  And not being allowed to wear your glasses?!?!  Big WTF.

Truly. I left that dress at my mom's house after the wedding and never took it home with me. Too many bad memories.

If I were getting married, I'd probably just keep things simple and not have a wedding party. In any case, I'd never treat someone like that.

Another way to save issues, is just do a simple black dress. If they have one, great! If not, I consider it a staple and at least it looks good on everyone regardless size

It's not the type of dress or having to spend any specific amount of time or money that causes a problem so much as unilateral decision-making without checking first with any of the people affected to find out whether the decisions work for them.

If my SIL had decided that the dress had to be a little black dress and I didn't happen to have one at the time, I would probably have had the same problem, which is her failure to check with me and taking it for granted that her plan would work.

banana468

Not my nightmare but my MOH was in a wedding over a decade ago where the BMs were both college friends and HS friends.   At the bachelorette, the HS friends picked a bar out near where they were from but everyone lived in NYC so transportation needed to be arranged (and few had their own cars).   The HS friends LEFT THE COLLEGE FRIENDS AT THE BAR.  

From what I gathered there was a lot about the wedding that was a shitshow and they divorced after about 3 years. 

MissKittyDanger

Jen4948 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

Jen4948 said:

short+sassy said:

@Jen4948, OMG!  I don't think I've heard that story.  It's horrifying.  The whole long bolt of fabric that apparently needed to be shipped all over the world is totally nutso.  It is not cheap to have a dress made, I'm sure especially in NYC.  And not being allowed to wear your glasses?!?!  Big WTF.

Truly. I left that dress at my mom's house after the wedding and never took it home with me. Too many bad memories.

If I were getting married, I'd probably just keep things simple and not have a wedding party. In any case, I'd never treat someone like that.

Another way to save issues, is just do a simple black dress. If they have one, great! If not, I consider it a staple and at least it looks good on everyone regardless size

It's not the type of dress or having to spend any specific amount of time or money that causes a problem so much as unilateral decision-making without checking first with any of the people affected to find out whether the decisions work for them.

If my SIL had decided that the dress had to be a little black dress and I didn't happen to have one at the time, I would probably have had the same problem, which is her failure to check with me and taking it for granted that her plan would work.

No no, I get that. Which is part of why I opted for black dresses. My BMs ranged in varying heights and sizes {from 6'2" and slim, to 5'2" and curvy and sizes in between}
I asked them ahead of time if a - they were good with black dress, b - they owned a black dress {a couple did but they all opted to buy a new dress} c - since they opted for new ones, what budget did everyone feel comfortable with? {I asked them this part privately and tried to average it out}
We ended up getting lucky with a dress from a regular store {yay prom season!} and $1 shy of budget, even after taxes.

CharmedPam

MissKittyDanger said:

No no, I get that. Which is part of why I opted for black dresses. My BMs ranged in varying heights and sizes {from 6'2" and slim, to 5'2" and curvy and sizes in between}
I asked them ahead of time if a - they were good with black dress, b - they owned a black dress {a couple did but they all opted to buy a new dress} c - since they opted for new ones, what budget did everyone feel comfortable with? {I asked them this part privately and tried to average it out}
We ended up getting lucky with a dress from a regular store {yay prom season!} and $1 shy of budget, even after taxes.

My sister kinda did this. And man was I thankful for this! She only had a bridal party of 3, but it was "wear a black dress. Any black dress".  And that was that.

MissKittyDanger

CharmedPam said:

MissKittyDanger said:

No no, I get that. Which is part of why I opted for black dresses. My BMs ranged in varying heights and sizes {from 6'2" and slim, to 5'2" and curvy and sizes in between}
I asked them ahead of time if a - they were good with black dress, b - they owned a black dress {a couple did but they all opted to buy a new dress} c - since they opted for new ones, what budget did everyone feel comfortable with? {I asked them this part privately and tried to average it out}
We ended up getting lucky with a dress from a regular store {yay prom season!} and $1 shy of budget, even after taxes.

My sister kinda did this. And man was I thankful for this! She only had a bridal party of 3, but it was "wear a black dress. Any black dress".  And that was that.

It works out for most. I've been in 2 weddings and wore same dress because they had same deal - "black dress, whatever you like" - and that's kinda where I thought of idea. Plus a black dress you can get at any store, not necessarily a bridal store {although we all looked to see if anything jumped out}

I paid for a red sash for all of them to set at most comfortable area {I suggested empire waistline as most find that's most flattering} and it was cute because it matched the red in the guy's ties and I had a sash on my dress
{side note: a couple have worn the dress to work, one wore it to an xmas party and 2 others wore it to weddings separately}