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Wedding Reception Forum
Open House Reception Activities
FH and I are planning a wedding for May in Minnesota. We are renting out an old Victorian home for our venue. Both of us are private people and I have major anxiety, so I've never had the desire to get married in front of hundreds of people. The plan is to get married in front of our immediate family only (Parents, Grandparents, and Siblings) and then host an open house reception in the afternoon at the same venue for around 150 people. We are nixing most of the traditional wedding activities because we want the reception to really be a time to chat with friends and family from out of town and enjoy being surrounded by them all. FH is worried that people will be disappointed because we aren't having a DJ or doing any of those traditional activities. We are trying to think of fun activities that we can provide for everyone who attends. We plan to have some yard games in the front yard and maybe do some sort of wedding Mad Lib, but other than that we are at a loss! We will have plenty of pictures up for people to look at, food and drinks, and we are asking special people in our lives to write letters for us to have up around the venue. Is there anything else we could add to make the open house reception feel more special?
Re: Open House Reception Activities
An outdoor party in May in Minnesota sounds risky. What if the weather dictates that everything is moved indoors? Does this rental home have one large gathering space, or will your guests be forced to separate into different rooms? What pictures will you have "up"? If they are pictures from your morning wedding, I'm not sure how I would feel about seeing photos of an event held that same morning, but was not special enough to attend. But yet I might be special enough to be asked to write a personalized letter, only to have that posted for display?
If you want that type of privacy, and don't want to have an anxious day, why not just have the small and intimate wedding? Honestly, once you walk up the aisle, your back is to your audience and your focus will be exclusively on your spouse.
I would ask about a sound system for music and plug in Pandora One or Spotify or something.
I would not expect people to travel if theyre they’re not invited to the wedding. And you need to be crystal clear on your invitations that they are only invited to a party so they aren’t confused when they arrive.
As for activities, all you really need is good food and drink and enough space/seating for everyone. Feel free to have some games available so people can play if they so choose, but don't make an organized activity out of it.
I agree that you have to be extremely clear on the invites that this is for the party only and not for the wedding itself. You also have to be realistic about the fact that a lot of people will not travel as great a distance for a party as they would for a wedding. People will probably understand that you didn't want a huge ceremony, but that doesn't mean that they'll travel more than an hour or two for this party.
As for travel, we totally understand that people from far away will not come, but the majority of our friends and family live within 1.5 hours. Everything will be held near downtown Minneapolis so we are hoping that people will make a trip out of it (a few friends have already said that is their intention, see us for a few hours and then explore more of the city).
The Victorian Home we rented has over 4,000 square feet so there will be plenty of room rain or shine.
From what Im hearing it sounds like food and music will be enough, plus maybe a few yard games?
I just have a question about the letters; are you asking people to write them for you? This seems a little, odd, to me. When people offer toasts at receptions they have offered to give them, but it sounds like you're asking people to write letters. I might just skip this part.
It's weird and borderline rude to say "can you please write us a letter saying how much you love us, support our decisions and wish us well?" I know you wouldn't phrase it that way, but that's basically what you're asking.
If people offer "I want to give a toast at your wedding." You can say "that is so kind. Unfortunately, the physical set up is prohibitive. If you'd like, you can write a letter instead and we can display it on our guest book table."
As long as you have more than enough food, beverage and places for all your guests to sit, your plan is fine etiquette-wise. Be prepared that most, maybe all, of your guests will show up at the beginning of your open house. Music would add some party atmosphere, so hopefully your guests might stay a few hours.
Also, guests may not stay as long, and if you're having lawn games or outside things you'll want to keep a close eye on the weather. Maybe start things earlier to take advantage of more outside time. It can get chilly quite quickly even in May once the sun goes down.
You do you, but at this party you are going to be the center of attention and pulled in a million directions all at once because you're the bride and will be walking around in your gown from the ceremony. . . so I'm not sure how this will help your anxiety.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
The party you're having later in the day is not a reception, since you're not receiving your guests from anything. It's just a party. Maybe a great, big, fancy party...but it's still just a party, or a celebration, if you like that word better.
Most parties just have food, drinks, seats, and background music. And people socialize. If you want to have a specific type of party (like a party with lawn games, or a party with board games or mad libs, or a dance party) then you can do that, but it's not necessary.
All of the things that you're thinking are "typical" of wedding receptions--toasts (never speeches! They're toasts), introductions, and first dances--aren't required at all. No one will miss them at ALL. If you want to throw a specific type of party that has different activities in different rooms or something then go for it, but you don't have to.
The letters and photos sound pretty cheesy in an uncomfortable way, to me.
Personally, this type of party sounds very anxiety-inducing to me. People will be coming and going throughout the afternoon, and in various areas of a 4000sqft mansion and/or outside. And you're going to have to find and greet them all, and make small talk with all of them where everyone of them inevitably asks you how the ceremony was. You're going to have to cut virtually every conversation short (which is hard to do! anxiety!) to go greet other guests, and make sure everyone is taken care of. At a typical wedding reception everyone will just tell you the ceremony was beautiful, and everyone is there at the same place in the same room so it's easy to greet everyone (receiving line or table visits, or even just mingling throughout the room). Personally, I'd much rather take the anxiety of everyone watching me recite a few vows vs. the anxiety of trying to host an open-house style party as the host and guest of honor!
I’m with others that you shouldn’t worry about posting photos or letters. Maybe a Polaroid guest book instead?
No need for activities beyond food, drinks, and background music, but if you want to do yard games, a photo booth, or otherwise that would be fine but definitely not necessary if you want to keep things as simple and stess-free as possible.
Enjoy your party!