Health update

CMGragain

Damn!  I turn 67 tomorrow.  I spent today at the hospital having surgery to remove some surprise lesions on my neck.  They popped up almost overnight.  I am so glad I am in a community that has good health care.  I just got home, and I thought I would post before the hydro-codone kicks in.  We won't know the results until next week.  Probably more cancer.  Oh, well.  DH is a big worry mess.

Last night we went out to Red Lobster and I got my birthday shrimp dinner.  DH hates fish, so we don't go often.  I went to the grocery and bought myself a birthday cake.  Tuxedo cake - yum!  It is in the fridge, so I'm all set to celebrate tomorrow.

My biggest issue, now, is my vision.  My one good eye is rapidly deteriorating.  I can't drive as of last week, and that really cramps my independence.  DH is willing to drive me places, but then he is there, looming over me, wondering what I am going to buy at the store.  Ugh.  I can still see to read, but the TV is blurry.  I know better than to risk hurting someone by trying to drive a car when I shouldn't.

I hope you all have a better weekend that I am having!

WinstonsGirl

I'm sorry to hear about your vision deteriorating.  I'm glad you have your Husband to help, even if he looms.  I hope you get some good results from your last surgery.  And enjoy the tuxedo cake!  It's DH's favourite

MobKaz

Prayers that you get some good news next week!

I love good seafood, but I am finding more and more that the rich sauces and drawn butter no longer "sit well" with me.  My H is not a fan either, so my "fish fix" is few and far between as well.  My birthday was last week, so Happy Birthday fellow winter baby!

Vision loss is my greatest fear as well.  The left eye is being monitored for glaucoma, and I have already had retinal issues with the right eye.  These permanent and sometimes large "floaters" really freak me out some days!  I don't care if H looms and lingers, but I tend to be quite quick with my walk and steps, and H is slower than molasses.  When leaving a store, I often am in the car and have it warmed up by the time H gets to it.

I hope you have a comfortable weekend. 

MairePoppy

So sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I hope you're feeling better today.

Happy birthdays @CMGragain and @MobKaz.

Jen4948

@CMGragain and @MobKaz, happy birthday, and @CMGragain, all the best with your medical procedures.

ei34

Happy belated birthday @MobKaz and happy birthday @CMGragain- also sending healthy vibes 

CMGragain

Went to church today.  It is amazing that my neck doesn't hurt more.  I'm on steroids, so no swelling.  I wore a scarf to cover the sutures.
Daughter sent me a lovely pair of Laurel Burch CAT earrings.  They are vintage and very collectable, but they were new on the original hanger.  I love Ebay for shopping!  I know she got a good deal.  MEOW!

kvruns

Happy Birthday! Sorry to hear about the vision complications now

short+sassy

Happy Birthday!  It sounds like you had a nice one.  Positive vibes for your health.  I'm sorry to hear your vision has taken a turn for the worse.  I hope the lesions at least turn out to be non-cancerous.

Ro041

@CMGragain - happy belated birthday!  I am sorry to hear about your driving.  Have you considered Uber or Lyft as a way to get around so that H isn't just looming at the store while you look around?  It may not be viable for all types of shopping, but you can ask friends and family for Uber and Lyft gift cards for your birthday or Mother's Day etc so that you can get out and have some free time.  Anyway, I hope the cake was good!

CMGragain

Ro041 said:

@CMGragain - happy belated birthday!  I am sorry to hear about your driving.  Have you considered Uber or Lyft as a way to get around so that H isn't just looming at the store while you look around?  It may not be viable for all types of shopping, but you can ask friends and family for Uber and Lyft gift cards for your birthday or Mother's Day etc so that you can get out and have some free time.  Anyway, I hope the cake was good!

I am in the small city of Grand Junction, CO., on the western slope of the Rocky Mountains.  We don't have Uber or Lyft!

Last night DH and I had a showdown. 
I said "I want to go to the grocery store."
He said "Why?  What do you want to buy?"
I told him.  He said "You don't need that.  We can get it at Sam's Club cheaper."
I don't WANT TO GO TO FUCKING SAM'S CLUB!  I want to go to Safeway!

I hope he learned his lesson, but I am so angry.  I shouldn't have to justify to him why I want to go somewhere, and he has no right to make judgements on what I buy.  (Feminine product)  I am furious with his control issues!  Just wait until HE needs Depends!

PS.  I just told daughter!  She'll fix him!

Ro041

@CMGragain - I did a quick google search and the internet seems to indicate that Grand Junction has Uber.  I didn't search for Lyft.  You may want to look into it again!

sparklepants41

Happy belated birthday, @CMGragain! Sending good vibes for favorable results on your lesions. 

ILoveBeachMusic

Happy Belated birthday, @CMGragain and @MobKaz. Sorry to hear about the vision complications and lesions. Praying for good results from the tests.

charlotte989875

Happy belated @CMGragain. I hope you can get out shopping for whatever you want, for however long you want, soon. 

CMGragain

My oncologist  talked to us about hospice yesterday.  I am starting my 9th chemo on Monday, but she isn't enthusiastic about it.  My tumors are spreading into my soft tissues.  They are triple negative, so the end of the road is approaching.
I would like to last through June.  I don't know if this is realistic, or not.  Things are getting unpleasant.  I can't see except to read.  The cancer has moved into my bladder, so I'm using Poise pads to avoid embarrassing myself and causing damage to the carpet.  It is humiliating.  The doctor has put me on steroids, and that helps with the pain.  My knee doesn't hurt anymore.  Digestion is iffy.
DH is frantic.  I sent him out on a hike this morning.  He wants to do ANYTHING to keep me alive and with him.  This isn't always the best choice.
I am sad that I won't see my grandsons grow up, but I am pleased that I got to meet them.  I have had a wonderful life, full of love, adventure and travel.  No bucket list.  I have done it all.  Ten years ago, nobody thought I would still be alive.  This kind of cancer is VERY rare.
I will stick around.  I am very isolated in the house, and you ladies are wonderful friends I can talk to.  I have asked daughter to let you know when things change.

MairePoppy

I'm so sorry for your prognosis. 

It's good that you are satisfied with your life. Contentment is a beautiful thing. I hope your husband will be able to appreciate that.

Thank you for giving your daughter contact information.

Ro041

I am in tears.  I am so sorry @CMGragain.  I am hoping you are comfortable and can spend some good time with hubby.  

lovesclimbing

I'm sorry, cmg. You do seem to have lived a full and good life, and you have had an inspiring attitude with all this.  

And belated happy birthday,I thought I had posted. 

ILoveBeachMusic

CMG, I hope the coming weeks and months can be managed with dignity. Thank you for giving your daughter contact info. I have thought of you when you haven't been around at times and wondered if anything had happened - was glad to know it was a cruise. Your attitude has been a wonderful role model. Peace to you.

downtondiva

I am very sorry to hear about your prognosis, @CMGragain. You have indeed lived a very full life, and it's been inspiring to see you continue to have a positive attitude and enjoy life as much as you could while living with cancer. We could all learn a lot from you. God bless. 

WinstonsGirl

I'm sorry to hear things are quickly getting worse.  I love your outlook on it all though, and that you also got to experience as much as you have.  Best wishes to you that you can stay as comfortable as possible

CMGragain

ILoveBeachMusic said:

CMG, I hope the coming weeks and months can be managed with dignity. Thank you for giving your daughter contact info. I have thought of you when you haven't been around at times and wondered if anything had happened - was glad to know it was a cruise. Your attitude has been a wonderful role model. Peace to you.

Thank you, but FUCK Poise pads and the fact that I need them.

PS.  My sister sent me an Amazon certificate for my birthday.  Very nice of her, but I don't need any more stuff.  I ordered chocolate marzipan Mozart Kugeln from Germany!

sparklepants41

I am so sorry to hear this latest news, @CMGragain. I hope you are comfortable and continuing to enjoy time with your husband and family. I wish you the best. 

short+sassy

@CMGragain, I'm so sorry to hear about the latest prognosis.  My heart is heavy for you and your family.  I hope your final days are as peaceful and comfortable as possible.  You're positive attitude and contentment with how your life has gone is an inspiration.  A reminder to me, to love more and live more, because life can be shorter than it should be.

kahluakoala

Sorry to hear that - thoughts to you and your family

MobKaz

I'm sorry.

I so admire your strength and grace in accepting your prognosis. I understand your husband's mindset; he views it, obviously, from an entirely different perspective.  My dad had the same perspective when my mom's health declined.  He saw her acceptance as an unwillingness to fight and live.  My dad came to terms eventually, and I pray your DH will as well.  My dad's ability to finally understand is what gave my mom the peace to move forward.  I hope that made sense.

The relationship you have with your family has always sounded close knit and strong.  I have NO doubt those grandbabies will grow up with you in their hearts. 

  I have very much enjoyed getting to "know" you the past several years on The Knot.  You and your family are all in my prayers, Christine.

SP29

So sorry to hear about your recent prognosis CMG. You have such a great outlook on the situation and on life and are handling all of this with such grace. I hope you get to enjoy your family as much as possible.

Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you enjoyed your cake.

ernursej

I’m very sorry to read your update but you have a great attitude towards it. 

Hospice can can be a great place when you feel like you might like some more help. 

Is is there a bereavement group that you H can start attending now? I know my healthcare area has a program that starts before and I’ve heard from a few people that it has been beneficial. 

CMGragain

ernursej said:

I’m very sorry to read your update but you have a great attitude towards it. 

Hospice can can be a great place when you feel like you might like some more help. 

Is is there a bereavement group that you H can start attending now? I know my healthcare area has a program that starts before and I’ve heard from a few people that it has been beneficial. 

DH went to a bereavement class a few months ago, kicking and protesting.  It was good for him.  We have been friends since we were 15 years old.  He doesn't know life without me.  My doctors are very concerned about him.

I feel lucky to have it this way.  Everybody dies.  For the past ten years, we have traveled the world, and I haven't been in much pain.  We are very intellectual people, and have learned and experienced so much together.  I am still in no real pain, but the steroids make me grouchy.

My Dad was only 44 when he died suddenly and unexpectedly of pancreatic cancer in great pain.  He did not have a happy life with my mother.  My grandfathers were, respectively, 54 and 62 when lung cancer got them.  (Smoking)  Both my grandmothers lived too long and died in pain and dementia.  Mom had an easy death at 89, and I was there to manage it. 

So what should I complain about?  I am 67.  I have had everything life could offer, including wealth, love, friends and faith in God.  My biggest issue at the moment is that Donald Trump is president of the USA.  I share that concern with a lot of people!

The happiest day of my life was my daughter's wedding day.  She got what she wanted without any family stress, and I adore her husband.  He's a lot like DH.  Maybe this is why I stick around.  I hope everyone's wedding day is that good.  I do wish my son could find happiness, but that is not in my control.

I am a Christian.  God is good.  Jesus said that there is more, and that it will be good.  I am planning to have Famous Dave's Barbecue cater my memorial service in the future so that the church ladies don't have to make sandwiches.  Classical music - my greatest joy.  Planning a funeral/memorial service is a lot like planning a wedding but without family drama.  People behave themselves at funerals.  We bought some lovely cemetery plots north of town and have looked at monuments and caskets.  I don't want anything expensive, but I want dignity.  I feel good having some control, and I don't want to leave decisions to my family like Mom did to me.

New chemo starts Wednesday.  It will knock off my hair again.  I have a big bag full of wigs, and I told daughter I want to wear hair in my casket.  I had a friend buried bald, and I thought that was terrible.

Our goals used to be by the year.  Now they are by the month.  Not bad.  Surprises can always change things.  One day I will be planning by the week, and then it will be time for hospice care.  I hope I make it to June when we plan to cruise to Canada with daughter and her family.  I want to be with them in a stress free environment.

Son is buying a car today.  He wrote me a lovely email that made us both cry.  We are very close emotionally.  He is the son of my heart.  The music that is in my soul is also in his.  Surely life will be good to him.  DH is closer to daughter, especially since she married someone that he totally understands.

Have a great weekend.

holyguacamole79

@CMGragain, You are often on my mind and in my prayers.  Your courage and strength is incredible and I pray you are surrounded by love, laughter, and joy while you're still with us.   ❤