Guest attire for fantasy themed wedding

knottiedb1dd63e17926bcb

Hi everyone! My fiancé and I both work at a creative video game field, so naturally we wanted a fantasy themed wedding (think medieval times, lord of the rings, game of thrones etc)

While I am going to be all fairied up, I’d like to have the guest to (at least try) match the theme. I’m not asking them to ensemble corset with robes and armor, it’ll just be nice to see some flowers crowns with long dress. 

Where I’m having trouble is what to write on the attire as for when I send out the invitations? Semi formal? Cocktail?

thanks!

ILoveBeachMusic

To be honest, it is against etiquette to tell your guest what to wear unless it is a truly black tie event or the venue has a required dress code. If people ask, you can tell them what you are wearing and mention that your decor is reflecting a fantasy theme.

I personally would be put off if I wear were asked to dress in a themed manner for a wedding because the theme should be the wedding but that is me. I wouldn't want to go out and buy something just for that one day (unless I was in the bridal party, of course). I know you said you aren't asking for full on costuming, but some people would think they would have to be in costume or not come at all - this would be me. In my crowd, most wedding attire is semi-formal or cocktail so it wouldn't be necessary to tell people that. Would most of your guest wear that to a wedding anyway? 

charlotte989875

knottiedb1dd63e17926bcb said:

Hi everyone! My fiancé and I both work at a creative video game field, so naturally we wanted a fantasy themed wedding (think medieval times, lord of the rings, game of thrones etc)

While I am going to be all fairied up, I’d like to have the guest to (at least try) match the theme. I’m not asking them to ensemble corset with robes and armor, it’ll just be nice to see some flowers crowns with long dress. 

Where I’m having trouble is what to write on the attire as for when I send out the invitations? Semi formal? Cocktail?

thanks!

Unless there is a dress code set by your venue (like, you can't be seated without a jacket and tie; shoulders covered in church, etc.) you really shouldn't tell your guests what to wear. 

If people ask (and only if they ask) you can tell them what you're wearing, tell them they're free to match the theme if they want, but other than that you shouldn't tell people how to dress. 

If you're really into flower crowns you can always make them available for your guests to wear at the reception. 

STARMOON44

No please don’t do this. If you want flower crowns provide them as guests arrive. Do not ask people to spend money dressing up in costume for you. 

MobKaz

The level of formality is derived from your invitation and venue.  Guests then determine, for themselves, attire appropriate for the event. 

It is not appropriate to dictate attire, unless it is driven by the venue itself, or you are having a legitimate black tie affair. 

I do not dress to the theme of any restaurant I frequent, so I would not expect to dress to a theme for a wedding.

What were you planning on requiring of your male guests?

CMGragain

Oh, no.  It is very rude to ask your guests to dress in costume, or to tell them what to wear!  This is a wedding, not a party.  You can wear whatever you wish, but do not tell your guests what to wear.  Terribly rude!

CMGragain

knottiedb1dd63e17926bcb said:

Hi everyone! My fiancé and I both work at a creative video game field, so naturally we wanted a fantasy themed wedding (think medieval times, lord of the rings, game of thrones etc)

While I am going to be all fairied up, I’d like to have the guest to (at least try) match the theme. I’m not asking them to ensemble corset with robes and armor, it’ll just be nice to see some flowers crowns with long dress. 

Where I’m having trouble is what to write on the attire as for when I send out the invitations? Semi formal? Cocktail?

thanks!

The pleasure of your company is requested

at the marriage of

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

Saturday, the twenty-fourth of February

two thousand eighteen

at six o'clock

Venue Name

123 Maple Street

Anytown, Iowa

This is the proper, traditional wording for a wedding invitation.  It is a terrible faux pas to write ANYTHING about attire except "black tie", and you are not having a black tie wedding.

You may choose paper designs for your invitation that reflect your "theme".  There are several available from invitation sellers.  Just don't go cutsie-poo on the wording, or break any etiquette rules.

ei34

Just have flower crowns for guests at your reception...DJs hand out props sometimes this could be like that.  Or maybe a fantasy-themed photo booth?  Ditto PP outside of venue requirements you can’t dictate guest attire.

southernbelle0915

It's not appropriate to write anything about dress code on an invitation (unless the wedding is at a venue that requires it - like a "no jeans" country club - or if the wedding is black tie).

If you want people to don flower crowns and other props supporting your theme, put them in a basket at the escort card table and let people participate if they want to. 

artbyallie

Okay, please note that I am saying this as someone who loves dressing up in costume any time I can get away with it. I attend my local Renaissance Festival every year, often twice. I often make my own costumes.

But you CANNOT dictate your guests' attire for your wedding. End of story. Even if you think you 'know your crowd' and believe they would be okay with it. Just don't.

MandyMost

As much as I agree with what everyone else has said, no one would ever see a wedding invitation and think "Oh! It's appropriate to wear a fantasy/renaissance fair costume to this if I want! Awesome!". While you can't dictate what guests wear, you also can't expect guests to read your mind. You can let people know that IF they want to, they can dress outside of the standard socially-acceptable attire. I would put something on your wedding website (if you have one), spread by word of mouth, and even put an insert in the invite if you'd like, around that fact that fantasy/renaissance fair type attire is welcome (NOT required, but welcome...something like "Feel free to wear your favorite fantasy/renaissance wear costume or accessories if you have it! If you don't have anything but would like to participate, we'll provide flower crowns and fairy wings at cocktail hour. No matter what you choose, we're just happy to have you celebrate with us". 

ahoywedding

eileenrob said:

Just have flower crowns for guests at your reception...DJs hand out props sometimes this could be like that.  Or maybe a fantasy-themed photo booth?  Ditto PP outside of venue requirements you can’t dictate guest attire.

This would be a great idea! You may get people who otherwise wouldn't be excited about the "theme" having fun with it.

If someone asks, tell them they're free to dress in their fantasy best or however you want to phrase it, but it's definitely poor etiquette to specify attire on an invite (unless the venue requires it or it's truly black tie, as PPs have pointed out).

MesmrEwe

You're in the gaming field - this is what your wedding website is for, NOT the invitation!  Have the family "Busy Body/Chatty Cathy" spread the word (you intuitively know who this person is on your/FI's individual sides)...  THAT is how, NOT on the invitation!

knottie69fc6038b39dc651

There are times when you want your guests to know the exact formality of your wedding day. 
“It’s important to understand the difference between a black tie event and formal attire,” says wedding planner Christine Zohrabians. “I’ve seen so many couples who list the dress code as a black tie event when they really mean formal attire.”

artbyallie

knottie69fc6038b39dc651 said:

There are times when you want your guests to know the exact formality of your wedding day. 
“It’s important to understand the difference between a black tie event and formal attire,” says wedding planner Christine Zohrabians. “I’ve seen so many couples who list the dress code as a black tie event when they really mean formal attire.”

Um, no. It is not appropriate to put a dress code on your invitation AT ALL unless either the venue has a specific requirement (as some country clubs or synagogues do, for example) or you are hosting a truly black tie event, which is not merely a dress code but involves such things as valet service, a live band, and a multi-course dinner with white-gloved waiters.

CMGragain

knottie69fc6038b39dc651 said:

There are times when you want your guests to know the exact formality of your wedding day. 
“It’s important to understand the difference between a black tie event and formal attire,” says wedding planner Christine Zohrabians. “I’ve seen so many couples who list the dress code as a black tie event when they really mean formal attire.”

You are not having a black tie or a formal wedding.  Therefore this advice does not apply to you.

I am so sorry that you do not understand basic etiquette.  It is very rude to tell your guests what to wear to anything except a costume party.  A wedding is NOT a costume party.

I have been to many black tie events when I lived in Washington, DC.  I have never been to a formal (white tie) event, though they are more common in Europe and in diplomatic circles.  @artbyallie 's description of these events in correct.

Jen4948

There are only three instances in which it is appropriate and acceptable per etiquette to give directions to guests about what to wear:
1) They are members of your wedding party.
2) Your venue has rules about attire.
3) Your wedding is black-tie or white-tie.

Since it appears that neither 2 or 3 is the case with your wedding, then unfortunately you cannot specify what your guests should wear. You can provide floral crowns, but you will have to accept any decisions your guests make not to wear them.

knottie69fc6038b39dc651

I apologize for not understand clearly.

MandyMost

CMGragain said:

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knottie69fc6038b39dc651 said:

There are times when you want your guests to know the exact formality of your wedding day. 
“It’s important to understand the difference between a black tie event and formal attire,” says wedding planner Christine Zohrabians. “I’ve seen so many couples who list the dress code as a black tie event when they really mean formal attire.”

You are not having a black tie or a formal wedding.  Therefore this advice does not apply to you.

I am so sorry that you do not understand basic etiquette.  It is very rude to tell your guests what to wear to anything except a costume party.  A wedding is NOT a costume party.

I have been to many black tie events when I lived in Washington, DC.  I have never been to a formal (white tie) event, though they are more common in Europe and in diplomatic circles.  @artbyallie 's description of these events in correct.

But why not? Why can't a wedding be a costume party? Any costume party I've ever been to has been a "costumes encouraged" type of thing where you weren't kicked out if you didn't dress up. Seriously, why can't a wedding be a costume party? People can of course choose to not wear a costume, or not go, but why not? And if you're having a costume party, you can't assume that guests will read your mind, you have to tell them it's a costume party.

Jen4948

MandyMost said:

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CMGragain said:

knottie69fc6038b39dc651 said:

There are times when you want your guests to know the exact formality of your wedding day. 
“It’s important to understand the difference between a black tie event and formal attire,” says wedding planner Christine Zohrabians. “I’ve seen so many couples who list the dress code as a black tie event when they really mean formal attire.”

You are not having a black tie or a formal wedding.  Therefore this advice does not apply to you.

I am so sorry that you do not understand basic etiquette.  It is very rude to tell your guests what to wear to anything except a costume party.  A wedding is NOT a costume party.

I have been to many black tie events when I lived in Washington, DC.  I have never been to a formal (white tie) event, though they are more common in Europe and in diplomatic circles.  @artbyallie 's description of these events in correct.

But why not? Why can't a wedding be a costume party? Any costume party I've ever been to has been a "costumes encouraged" type of thing where you weren't kicked out if you didn't dress up. Seriously, why can't a wedding be a costume party? People can of course choose to not wear a costume, or not go, but why not? And if you're having a costume party, you can't assume that guests will read your mind, you have to tell them it's a costume party.

Because it's inappropriate to give wedding guests (other than wedding party members) instructions on how to dress.

Also, when guests already have to take time and money out of their lives to travel to the venues, dress up and give you a gift, expecting them to come in a specified costume (if they're not wedding party members) is too much. Costumes can be expensive, and not everyone who wants to attend a wedding wants to masquerade as someone they're not.

MyNameIsNot

MandyMost said:

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CMGragain said:

knottie69fc6038b39dc651 said:

There are times when you want your guests to know the exact formality of your wedding day. 
“It’s important to understand the difference between a black tie event and formal attire,” says wedding planner Christine Zohrabians. “I’ve seen so many couples who list the dress code as a black tie event when they really mean formal attire.”

You are not having a black tie or a formal wedding.  Therefore this advice does not apply to you.

I am so sorry that you do not understand basic etiquette.  It is very rude to tell your guests what to wear to anything except a costume party.  A wedding is NOT a costume party.

I have been to many black tie events when I lived in Washington, DC.  I have never been to a formal (white tie) event, though they are more common in Europe and in diplomatic circles.  @artbyallie 's description of these events in correct.

But why not? Why can't a wedding be a costume party? Any costume party I've ever been to has been a "costumes encouraged" type of thing where you weren't kicked out if you didn't dress up. Seriously, why can't a wedding be a costume party? People can of course choose to not wear a costume, or not go, but why not? And if you're having a costume party, you can't assume that guests will read your mind, you have to tell them it's a costume party.

Because most people would be uncomfortable at a costume party, even a costume optional party, without a costume. A costume is generally more expensive and invested than simply choosing wedding appropriate attire. It's an extra hassle and expense that guests shouldn't have to bear.

And you can say all day long, don't want to wear a costume or feel uncomfortable, you should just stay home, but it's a wedding, not a frat party. There are family and social obligations that leave people feeling obligated (right or wrong) to attend and suck it up. It's not right to put people in that position.

flantastic

MyNameIsNot said:

show previous quotes

show previous quotes

MandyMost said:

CMGragain said:

knottie69fc6038b39dc651 said:

There are times when you want your guests to know the exact formality of your wedding day. 
“It’s important to understand the difference between a black tie event and formal attire,” says wedding planner Christine Zohrabians. “I’ve seen so many couples who list the dress code as a black tie event when they really mean formal attire.”

You are not having a black tie or a formal wedding.  Therefore this advice does not apply to you.

I am so sorry that you do not understand basic etiquette.  It is very rude to tell your guests what to wear to anything except a costume party.  A wedding is NOT a costume party.

I have been to many black tie events when I lived in Washington, DC.  I have never been to a formal (white tie) event, though they are more common in Europe and in diplomatic circles.  @artbyallie 's description of these events in correct.

But why not? Why can't a wedding be a costume party? Any costume party I've ever been to has been a "costumes encouraged" type of thing where you weren't kicked out if you didn't dress up. Seriously, why can't a wedding be a costume party? People can of course choose to not wear a costume, or not go, but why not? And if you're having a costume party, you can't assume that guests will read your mind, you have to tell them it's a costume party.

Because most people would be uncomfortable at a costume party, even a costume optional party, without a costume. A costume is generally more expensive and invested than simply choosing wedding appropriate attire. It's an extra hassle and expense that guests shouldn't have to bear.

And you can say all day long, don't want to wear a costume or feel uncomfortable, you should just stay home, but it's a wedding, not a frat party. There are family and social obligations that leave people feeling obligated (right or wrong) to attend and suck it up. It's not right to put people in that position.

Generally, a costume party is the point of the party. So people make their decision to attend or not solely based on whether they feel like going in costume or standing out by not wearing one.

At a wedding, people want to go for the wedding, so adding in the costume factor just adds another level of expense or awkward to them when all they wanted was to see you get married.

kerbohl

Late to the party here, but I had a medieval wedding that some people wore costumes to. It was four years ago, so I might be forgetting, but we had on our website about medieval attire being fine if people wanted to. We also definitely brought some of our spare medieval props and costumes for a photo booth, and people LOVED it, so I vote that you do that if you can. My nephews were running around with props at the last part of the evening, and I've got some adorable pictures of them - they weren't dressed up in medieval dress, but there is something delightful about a little boy in a suit running around with a sword (prop - they weren't allowed the real swords).

We have a lot of friends that went to school with us for medieval studies, and lots of LARP players, so people did come dressed in medieval attire. Most people wore regular dress, and as far as I know, no one was uncomfortable with what they wore.

So I second not having attire mentioned on the invitation, but if you have a wedding website or just let people know by word of mouth, that should be more than adequate.