Wedding Woes

WWYD $$ edition- just day dream a bit

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Re: WWYD $$ edition- just day dream a bit

  • kvruns said:
    @6fsn we have a nice Children's museum here but my H is creeped out by them (germs) I do think it will be good in another year or so. I was thinking of maybe a punch pass to an indoor jumping/bounce house place because I'm cheap and hate how expensive it is. We've never gone to one but i think he would like it. We also have a "living history" museum near my house, I think it has activities for slightly older kids but maybe there is something for him although I think it is also overpriced for a membership for what you get for his age. 

    SITB
    Your H would be creeped out by germs at the Children's Museum but not at an indoor bounce house? Our Children's Museum is awesome - nationally recognized- I'd vote for that!
    STARMOON44
  • I think I'd divide it between a few things.

    I'd make a certain number of extra payments on my vehicle, my immediate reaction is 3.
    I'd throw at least 50% in savings.
    Pay my entire car insurance for the year.
    And I'd have fun with the rest -- clothes, desired makeup, vacations, just random crap that I have a want, not need for, etc.  
    charlotte989875levioosaernursej
  • levioosa said:
    CMGragain said:
    Interesting question.  Some of my husband's family are in the process of moving to an impressive house in Rancho Mirage.  Not my thing at all.  I am very happy in my suburban neighborhood with beautiful canyon views.  I can't picture myself in that community.  I don't golf, either.

    Everyone has different goals and priorities,  One of mine was to raise my own children.  They hired people to raise theirs.  I couldn't have made that sacrifice and be happy with my life.

    Travel is wonderful, but many of you ladies will have the opportunity later in life, like we did.  Life is full of changes.
    I had a nanny because my mom was a strong, independent woman who was working two jobs to support our family. You can shove off with your insinuation that women who use nannys are some how “lesser than” or that they prioritize incorrectly. 
    They had live in servants, not a Nanny.  I have no problem with Nannies.  The relatives could be out if the country for weeks at a time with no contact with their young children.

    As for judging, aren't YOU also judging me for MY choice?  We made some big financial sacrifices for me to stay home.  It was my choice, but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  My daughter is currently home with her young children, and she agrees with me that this is really HARD!

    Remember, I came from a single parent family.  Mom worked.  I was the "nanny" for up to five kids, depending on the current boyfriend - unpaid, of course!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • No one is judging you for staying home @CMGragain; many women do it, many women don't. But there is a lot of judgement about working moms and how they have "other people raise their children", you may not have meant it as a judgement, but it often comes off as women who stay home care more about their children than women who work. Again, probably not how you meant it. 

    We don't have kids, but if/when we do I won't be staying home. I make more money than my H, I've worked hard for a career I care about and I'm not going to give that up. That doesn't mean my kid(s) won't be taken care of, or loved, or raised. It just means we'll have an arrangement that works for our family. It doesn't have to work for anyone else's. 
    STARMOON44ahoyweddingCMGragainsparklepants41
  • @ilovebeachmusic Good point!! Although I better not mention about germs at the bounce house place.  I'm excited for the Children's Museum outdoor place they are adding. 
    MissKittyDangerei34
  • Travel, absolutely. (or maybe upgrade the travel/experiences - fly first class, stay at a fancy hotel, eat at a Michelin restaurant, etc.)
    Antarctica is on my bucket list, and can be really pricey - so this would be a nice contribution to that trip. 
    MissKittyDangerernursejShesSoCold
  • *Barbie* said:
    Travel, absolutely. (or maybe upgrade the travel/experiences - fly first class, stay at a fancy hotel, eat at a Michelin restaurant, etc.)
    Antarctica is on my bucket list, and can be really pricey - so this would be a nice contribution to that trip. 
    all the upgrades!!
  • banana468 said:
    CMGragain said:
    levioosa said:
    CMGragain said:
    Interesting question.  Some of my husband's family are in the process of moving to an impressive house in Rancho Mirage.  Not my thing at all.  I am very happy in my suburban neighborhood with beautiful canyon views.  I can't picture myself in that community.  I don't golf, either.

    Everyone has different goals and priorities,  One of mine was to raise my own children.  They hired people to raise theirs.  I couldn't have made that sacrifice and be happy with my life.

    Travel is wonderful, but many of you ladies will have the opportunity later in life, like we did.  Life is full of changes.
    I had a nanny because my mom was a strong, independent woman who was working two jobs to support our family. You can shove off with your insinuation that women who use nannys are some how “lesser than” or that they prioritize incorrectly. 
    They had live in servants, not a Nanny.  I have no problem with Nannies.  The relatives could be out if the country for weeks at a time with no contact with their young children.

    As for judging, aren't YOU also judging me for MY choice?  We made some big financial sacrifices for me to stay home.  It was my choice, but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  My daughter is currently home with her young children, and she agrees with me that this is really HARD!

    Remember, I came from a single parent family.  Mom worked.  I was the "nanny" for up to five kids, depending on the current boyfriend - unpaid, of course!
    No.   No one is judging you for your choice.   You're being judged for YOUR WORDS.

    This is the difference.   You made a choice to stay home.   Many women make the choice to do this and they find it fulfilling.   

    Many women work because they HAVE to.  

    Many women work because they WANT to.  

    The point is that it's not up to you to judge the choices (eta - or actions) of other women.   You stated above that it was important to you to raise your own children and whether  you like it or not, the implication was that
    -Those people you referenced did not raise their children.
    -Those who hire others aren't raising their children.

    Again, maybe you don't see it this way @CMGragain but you need to look at the things you write and read them.   Show them to someone else if you have to.  It's very hard to read what you wrote without seeing an air or superiority and an insinuation that your choice was the only correct one. 

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read this again.  This isn't a productive discussion if you can't own that you make volatile statements. 


    You guys are putting way too much into my post.  I am all for people hiring help for raising their children.  It is a difficult choice.  In the 1980's I actually lost a "friend" who accused me of being anti-feminist because of my own choices.

    I am just pointing out that people do make choices, and some of them I would not be able to make, myself.

    I went back to work (2 jobs) as soon as it was possible for me to do so.  If I wanted my kids to have college without debt, this was necessary.  Sometimes, I hated it.

    Do I think everybody should stay home and raise their children alone?  NO!
    Do I think people shouldn't hire Nannies to help them with child care?  NO!
    Do I think daycare is a bad idea?  NO!
    Do I think employers should provide child care areas for families?  YES!
    Could I leave my children with employees for weeks at a time with no family around?  No, I just couldn't do that.  That would be too much for me.

    You ladies so know me better that this.  I am sorry if I offended anybody, but you are reading things into my post that aren't there.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • banana468 said:
    @CMGragain I like you a lot but I think you really need to look at what you're writing because this isn't the first time that you've insinuated that the way you did something is superior to others. 

    Many people make choices.  Many mothers stay home and many go to work.   To insinuate that those of us who have jobs and leave our children with a nanny or in daycare have "someone else raising our kids" is insulting and ignorant.  I'm going to assume that you had the best of intentions in your statement but frankly, you owe a lot of women, myself included an apology.

    @banana468
    I'm genuinely curious why this is important to you. (An apology from a random stranger online.)
    I'm a woman with a career and a child. 
    I used daycare, and continue to use before/after school care for my 7yo.
    This was the best decision for myself and my family because it allows both DK and I to have careers, use our education, and be financially comfortable. 

    I agree that what @CMGragain said came across as assy, but as a random stranger online, her generalized opinion on my choices means jack shit to me.  I don't feel that I'm owed an apology because she disagrees with a choice that her relative (or I made) to use childcare rather than be a SAHP. I feel like you can roll your eyes and ignore her or choose to get upset about what some random person on the internet said. 

    What real purpose would a half-assed apology serve?
  • *Barbie* said:
    Travel, absolutely. (or maybe upgrade the travel/experiences - fly first class, stay at a fancy hotel, eat at a Michelin restaurant, etc.)
    Antarctica is on my bucket list, and can be really pricey - so this would be a nice contribution to that trip. 
    We are in the process of saving for Antarctica and woowee it is a lot! It is a once in a lifetime trip that I hope we will be able to go on. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2018
    *Barbie* said:
    banana468 said:
    @CMGragain I like you a lot but I think you really need to look at what you're writing because this isn't the first time that you've insinuated that the way you did something is superior to others. 

    Many people make choices.  Many mothers stay home and many go to work.   To insinuate that those of us who have jobs and leave our children with a nanny or in daycare have "someone else raising our kids" is insulting and ignorant.  I'm going to assume that you had the best of intentions in your statement but frankly, you owe a lot of women, myself included an apology.

    @banana468
    I'm genuinely curious why this is important to you. (An apology from a random stranger online.)
    I'm a woman with a career and a child. 
    I used daycare, and continue to use before/after school care for my 7yo.
    This was the best decision for myself and my family because it allows both DK and I to have careers, use our education, and be financially comfortable. 

    I agree that what @CMGragain said came across as assy, but as a random stranger online, her generalized opinion on my choices means jack shit to me.  I don't feel that I'm owed an apology because she disagrees with a choice that her relative (or I made) to use childcare rather than be a SAHP. I feel like you can roll your eyes and ignore her or choose to get upset about what some random person on the internet said. 

    What real purpose would a half-assed apology serve?
    When you post for a prolonged period of time in a forum where the same people also do that repeatedly, eventually you are no longer "random strangers" to each other even though you may never meet in the flesh.

    In an Internet forum, opinions matter. Even generalized opinions. None of us would be posting if our opinions only meant "jack shit" to each other.

    @CMGragain is not a "random stranger" or "random person on the Internet" to many of the persons who have read her post. We post here because we regularly seek each other's opinions and have done so together for some time, the same way we would if we met in person. For this reason, her opinion was offensive, and a true apology would clear the virtual air and allow us to start over. Sorry, but "rolling our eyes and ignoring her" won't accomplish that.

    Don't be so quick to pass off an apology as "half-assed." I agree that it would be if @CMGragain continues to act defensive, but if she acknowledges that she insulted and offended those of us who tune in regularly to seek opinions, even hers, and modifies her future posts, it would not qualify as "half-assed." Of course, that's expecting a lot from @CMGragain. But it would help us all if she expresses an understanding that her particular opinions have that kind of effect.
  • Put it towards paying off debt...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • oh.  wait.  This also makes a difference.  Is this pre or post tax?  Stupid America and stupid taxes.
    This always amuses me, up here in the land of "everything taxed" we don't tax lottery or Charity winnings. If you win 30 million in the lottery, that's what you get, no taxes involved. 
    charlotte989875
  • *Barbie* said:
    banana468 said:
    @CMGragain I like you a lot but I think you really need to look at what you're writing because this isn't the first time that you've insinuated that the way you did something is superior to others. 

    Many people make choices.  Many mothers stay home and many go to work.   To insinuate that those of us who have jobs and leave our children with a nanny or in daycare have "someone else raising our kids" is insulting and ignorant.  I'm going to assume that you had the best of intentions in your statement but frankly, you owe a lot of women, myself included an apology.

    @banana468
    I'm genuinely curious why this is important to you. (An apology from a random stranger online.)
    I'm a woman with a career and a child. 
    I used daycare, and continue to use before/after school care for my 7yo.
    This was the best decision for myself and my family because it allows both DK and I to have careers, use our education, and be financially comfortable. 

    I agree that what @CMGragain said came across as assy, but as a random stranger online, her generalized opinion on my choices means jack shit to me.  I don't feel that I'm owed an apology because she disagrees with a choice that her relative (or I made) to use childcare rather than be a SAHP. I feel like you can roll your eyes and ignore her or choose to get upset about what some random person on the internet said. 

    What real purpose would a half-assed apology serve?
    It serves no useful purpose to me.   I'm not going to change.

    However should she choose to apologize it serves as an acknowledgement that perhaps comments could be worded better rather than say things like if any of us are offended then we're misconstruing.   Or perhaps the gaslighting can continue and we can be told that the things we read we didn't read. 

    FWIW, my last comment in my PP where I called her apology a non apology wasn't intended to sound like I'm hellbent on getting an "I'm sorry".   It was intended to call out this:

    You ladies so know me better that this.  I am sorry if I offended anybody, but you are reading things into my post that aren't there.

    The wording and implication there isn't taking ownership of any action and instead it's placing the blame back on those of us who know damn well how to read.   
    STARMOON44charlotte989875sparklepants41ahoywedding
  • ernursej said:
    *Barbie* said:
    Travel, absolutely. (or maybe upgrade the travel/experiences - fly first class, stay at a fancy hotel, eat at a Michelin restaurant, etc.)
    Antarctica is on my bucket list, and can be really pricey - so this would be a nice contribution to that trip. 
    We are in the process of saving for Antarctica and woowee it is a lot! It is a once in a lifetime trip that I hope we will be able to go on. 
    One of my coworkers (a serious world traveler) went to Antarctica last year.  I do want to give a warning on that.  From what she told me, bookings for the Antarctica tours are always sold out and need to be made way in advance.  Unfortunately, it isn't uncommon for those to be cancelled due to weather.  She was very fortunate that the day she had booked was a "go".  But the tours the day before hers had been cancelled and those folks were just SOL.   
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  • Like other PPs have mentioned, my primary use for an extra $10K/year would be for a travel fund.  I'd definitely use about half for that.  With the other half, I would do some combination of house projects and pay down of my HELOC.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ernursej said:
    *Barbie* said:
    Travel, absolutely. (or maybe upgrade the travel/experiences - fly first class, stay at a fancy hotel, eat at a Michelin restaurant, etc.)
    Antarctica is on my bucket list, and can be really pricey - so this would be a nice contribution to that trip. 
    We are in the process of saving for Antarctica and woowee it is a lot! It is a once in a lifetime trip that I hope we will be able to go on. 
    One of my coworkers (a serious world traveler) went to Antarctica last year.  I do want to give a warning on that.  From what she told me, bookings for the Antarctica tours are always sold out and need to be made way in advance.  Unfortunately, it isn't uncommon for those to be cancelled due to weather.  She was very fortunate that the day she had booked was a "go".  But the tours the day before hers had been cancelled and those folks were just SOL.   
    How does that work?  Where could  she be before the tour to know if it's a go? 
  • Oh!  I probably wasn't very clear.  She planned a vacation in Argentina, though mainly to take one of those tours to Antarctica.  So she was already in southern Argentina on a bit of a "crap shoot" that the day she booked the tour for would hopefully work out.  I think she said she'd had to book that day about a year in advance, but I'm not sure if that is just what she did or if it generally needs to be that far out.  She gave me the impression that the Antarctica tours need to be booked way in advance.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Oh!  I probably wasn't very clear.  She planned a vacation in Argentina, though mainly to take one of those tours to Antarctica.  So she was already in southern Argentina on a bit of a "crap shoot" that the day she booked the tour for would hopefully work out.  I think she said she'd had to book that day about a year in advance, but I'm not sure if that is just what she did or if it generally needs to be that far out.  She gave me the impression that the Antarctica tours need to be booked way in advance.

    Makes sense.   I just wondered, "How does one think, "Hey  it's Tuesday - looks like a decent time to head south...." 
  • ernursej said:
    *Barbie* said:
    Travel, absolutely. (or maybe upgrade the travel/experiences - fly first class, stay at a fancy hotel, eat at a Michelin restaurant, etc.)
    Antarctica is on my bucket list, and can be really pricey - so this would be a nice contribution to that trip. 
    We are in the process of saving for Antarctica and woowee it is a lot! It is a once in a lifetime trip that I hope we will be able to go on. 
    One of my coworkers (a serious world traveler) went to Antarctica last year.  I do want to give a warning on that.  From what she told me, bookings for the Antarctica tours are always sold out and need to be made way in advance.  Unfortunately, it isn't uncommon for those to be cancelled due to weather.  She was very fortunate that the day she had booked was a "go".  But the tours the day before hers had been cancelled and those folks were just SOL.   
    We are probably going to book this year to go on a cruise in 2020. The company we have researched, Ponant, hasn’t released those yet. We’ve had friends go on and had crappy weather but just something you have to do and hope for the best. 
  • Oh!  I probably wasn't very clear.  She planned a vacation in Argentina, though mainly to take one of those tours to Antarctica.  So she was already in southern Argentina on a bit of a "crap shoot" that the day she booked the tour for would hopefully work out.  I think she said she'd had to book that day about a year in advance, but I'm not sure if that is just what she did or if it generally needs to be that far out.  She gave me the impression that the Antarctica tours need to be booked way in advance.

    We are looking at a boat cruise 15 days or so that would start in Ushuaia and go down to Antarctic and around there. They have a bit better ability to navigate weather but certainly can still have crappy weather. 
  • At this point, save, save, save. We are hoping to buy a business in the next few years and need all the money we can get our hands on. We also would like to buy our own home sometime soon. So tired of renting!

    short+sassy
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