Wedding Party

Difficult MOH...what to do??

turtle4718turtle4718
First Comment
member
edited February 13 in Wedding Party
My MOH (Emily) and I have been best friends since elementary school. We've been through it all. Over the past year or so our friendship has not been how it used to be. She moved away to Charleston to get away from our hometown and she has been on and off again with her "boyfriend." Me and my fiancé have been together for 7 years. Hanging out with her now is much harder since we are at such different points in our lives.

Because my fiancé is a triplet, he is having 3 best men. This worked out for me because I was hesitant to have Emily as my only MOH. With her living 4 hours away and not being the most dependable person I've ever known, it worked well that my fiancé's sisters would also be MOH's.

First the issue of the bachelorette party came about. She wanted to do something completely different than what the other 2 MOH's wanted to do and was/is constantly complaining about how they were being stubborn and not any fun. Tension was created between her and the other 2 MOH. 

The biggest issue to date is her holding it over my head that I had a dress fitting on her birthday. I had to apologize several times to her about having to schedule it on her birthday. She eventually seemed to get over it and said she would come to the fitting. Her, 2 other bridesmaids, and I were going to drive an hour to my dress fitting together to save gas. A few days before the fitting she said she wanted to go to a late lunch after the fitting and hang out for her birthday. I wanted to celebrate with her but the other 2 bridesmaids had to go back home right after the dress fitting for school stuff. Emily wanted me to tell them to drive themselves to the dress fitting so we could go celebrate her afterwards. I told her that I wasn't going to make them drive themselves all that way for 15 min to turn right back around. I wanted us all to drive together to save gas money and also get the chance to hang out together. I told Emily we could go out later that night and do whatever she wanted after we took the other girls home, but she said either we go right after or not at all. So she chose to not come home from Charleston bc I wouldn't give in to making the other girls drive separate. 

So Emily threw a bridal shower for me the weekend after her birthday. I had to reschedule our engagement pictures for the afternoon of the shower and had asked her a few days before how long she thought the shower would last...her response was "However long. I don't really care." She was still mad about her birthday.

On the day of the shower she threw, things went better than I would have thought. I thanked her several times for throwing the shower before I left. She seemed ticked off when I left the shower so I texted her later that day saying thank you again and that all the polaroid pictures had turned out great! Her responses were "you're welcome" "yay"...I asked her if she was okay and she said "yep"....
I asked her why she was being so short and she said she had been upset since her birthday...I told her that I was sorry and that we could have done something but she had chosen not to come home. She said that she had to make other plans. I told her that she didn't have to make other plans, that she chose to and asked who she did stuff with that day.....her response, "See you at the wedding" had me furious...I told her I'd see her before the wedding and she said "oh yeah rehearsal"...


WHO SAYS THAT TO THE BRIDE?! and expects to still be in the wedding? I had to refrain from responding back to just not bother showing up. 


I'm meeting with her in person today to talk about it but I'm not dealing with her attitude and her acting like this for the next 2 months. 

What do I do without making matters worse???



Re: Difficult MOH...what to do??

  • My MOH (Emily) and I have been best friends since elementary school. We've been through it all. Over the past year or so our friendship has not been how it used to be. She moved away to Charleston to get away from our hometown and she has been on and off again with her "boyfriend." Me and my fiancé have been together for 7 years. Hanging out with her now is much harder since we are at such different points in our lives.

    Because my fiancé is a triplet, he is having 3 best men. This worked out for me because I was hesitant to have Emily as my only MOH. With her living 4 hours away and not being the most dependable person I've ever known, it worked well that my fiancé's sisters would also be MOH's.

    First the issue of the bachelorette party came about. She wanted to do something completely different than what the other 2 MOH's wanted to do and was/is constantly complaining about how they were being stubborn and not any fun. Tension was created between her and the other 2 MOH. 

    The biggest issue to date is her holding it over my head that I had a dress fitting on her birthday. I had to apologize several times to her about having to schedule it on her birthday. She eventually seemed to get over it and said she would come to the fitting. Her, 2 other bridesmaids, and I were going to drive an hour to my dress fitting together to save gas. A few days before the fitting she said she wanted to go to a late lunch after the fitting and hang out for her birthday. I wanted to celebrate with her but the other 2 bridesmaids had to go back home right after the dress fitting for school stuff. Emily wanted me to tell them to drive themselves to the dress fitting so we could go celebrate her afterwards. I told her that I wasn't going to make them drive themselves all that way for 15 min to turn right back around. I wanted us all to drive together to save gas money and also get the chance to hang out together. I told Emily we could go out later that night and do whatever she wanted after we took the other girls home, but she said either we go right after or not at all. So she chose to not come home from Charleston bc I wouldn't give in to making the other girls drive separate. 

    So Emily threw a bridal shower for me the weekend after her birthday. I had to reschedule our engagement pictures for the afternoon of the shower and had asked her a few days before how long she thought the shower would last...her response was "However long. I don't really care." She was still mad about her birthday.

    On the day of the shower she threw, things went better than I would have thought. I thanked her several times for throwing the shower before I left. She seemed ticked off when I left the shower so I texted her later that day saying thank you again and that all the polaroid pictures had turned out great! Her responses were "you're welcome" "yay"...I asked her if she was okay and she said "yep"....
    I asked her why she was being so short and she said she had been upset since her birthday...I told her that I was sorry and that we could have done something but she had chosen not to come home. She said that she had to make other plans. I told her that she didn't have to make other plans, that she chose to and asked who she did stuff with that day.....her response had me boiling... She said "See you at the wedding"...I told her I'll see you before the wedding and she said "oh yeah rehearsal"...

    WHO SAYS THAT TO THE BRIDE?! and expects to still be in the wedding? I had to refrain from responding back to just not bother showing up. 


    I'm meeting with her in person today to talk about it but I'm not dealing with her attitude and her acting like this for the next 2 months. 

    What do I do without making matters worse???



    How much time do you spend communicating with her on things not-related to your wedding? I would start there. Meet with her in person and chat with her about HER and maybe what's happening in her life, instead of reprimanding her for forgetting about the rehearsal dinner two months in advance. 
  • She didn't have to come to the fitting, that's not the problem. She is complaining and upset that I had to schedule a dress fitting on her birthday. And no matter how many times I should have to apologize for having to do that she wont let it go. We also have had to reschedule our pictures several times due to weather so I don't see why it's weird to have had them scheduled a few hours after the shower. I'd like to see my MOH before the rehearsal.


  • She didn't have to come to the fitting, that's not the problem. She is complaining and upset that I had to schedule a dress fitting on her birthday. And no matter how many times I should have to apologize for having to do that she wont let it go. We also have had to reschedule our pictures several times due to weather so I don't see why it's weird to have had them scheduled a few hours after the shower. I'd like to see my MOH before the rehearsal.


    Then make some plans with her. But TBH I live 2.5 hours from my MoH and in the 3 months leading up to our wedding we saw each other at my shower and my bach. Four hours is a long distance to travel, especially if you're all so concerned about an hour's worth of gas.
    STARMOON44charlotte989875InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • I've tried talking to her about what's going on in her life. I don't really talk to her much about wedding stuff and she hasn't been asking me about anything. Any time I try to talk to her about anything she is always short and I have to dig for information 
  • MRDCle said:
    She didn't have to come to the fitting, that's not the problem. She is complaining and upset that I had to schedule a dress fitting on her birthday. And no matter how many times I should have to apologize for having to do that she wont let it go. We also have had to reschedule our pictures several times due to weather so I don't see why it's weird to have had them scheduled a few hours after the shower. I'd like to see my MOH before the rehearsal.


    Then make some plans with her. But TBH I live 2.5 hours from my MoH and in the 3 months leading up to our wedding we saw each other at my shower and my bach. Four hours is a long distance to travel, especially if you're all so concerned about an hour's worth of gas.
    We are getting together over coffee today. She has moved back into town for the time being apparently and didn't tell me. So as of right now the long distance thing isn't going to be an issue. Even if distance was an issue she isn't communicating with me about stuff. 
  • Ok. Great. You’re seeing her. Problem solved. 
    MRDClecharlotte989875InLoveInQueensMissKittyDanger
  • MRDCle said:
    She didn't have to come to the fitting, that's not the problem. She is complaining and upset that I had to schedule a dress fitting on her birthday. And no matter how many times I should have to apologize for having to do that she wont let it go. We also have had to reschedule our pictures several times due to weather so I don't see why it's weird to have had them scheduled a few hours after the shower. I'd like to see my MOH before the rehearsal.


    Then make some plans with her. But TBH I live 2.5 hours from my MoH and in the 3 months leading up to our wedding we saw each other at my shower and my bach. Four hours is a long distance to travel, especially if you're all so concerned about an hour's worth of gas.
    We are getting together over coffee today. She has moved back into town for the time being apparently and didn't tell me. So as of right now the long distance thing isn't going to be an issue. Even if distance was an issue she isn't communicating with me about stuff. 
    At coffee today, don't bring up the wedding, or get defensive or accusatory. Ask her what's up. Let her know you've noticed she's been distant and a little short, and see what's going on with her. And listen to what she has to say. 
    eileenrobshort+sassyInLoveInQueenssouthernbelle0915
  • MRDCle said:
    My MOH (Emily) and I have been best friends since elementary school. We've been through it all. Over the past year or so our friendship has not been how it used to be. She moved away to Charleston to get away from our hometown and she has been on and off again with her "boyfriend." Me and my fiancé have been together for 7 years. Hanging out with her now is much harder since we are at such different points in our lives.

    Because my fiancé is a triplet, he is having 3 best men. This worked out for me because I was hesitant to have Emily as my only MOH. With her living 4 hours away and not being the most dependable person I've ever known, it worked well that my fiancé's sisters would also be MOH's.

    First the issue of the bachelorette party came about. She wanted to do something completely different than what the other 2 MOH's wanted to do and was/is constantly complaining about how they were being stubborn and not any fun. Tension was created between her and the other 2 MOH. 

    The biggest issue to date is her holding it over my head that I had a dress fitting on her birthday. I had to apologize several times to her about having to schedule it on her birthday. She eventually seemed to get over it and said she would come to the fitting. Her, 2 other bridesmaids, and I were going to drive an hour to my dress fitting together to save gas. A few days before the fitting she said she wanted to go to a late lunch after the fitting and hang out for her birthday. I wanted to celebrate with her but the other 2 bridesmaids had to go back home right after the dress fitting for school stuff. Emily wanted me to tell them to drive themselves to the dress fitting so we could go celebrate her afterwards. I told her that I wasn't going to make them drive themselves all that way for 15 min to turn right back around. I wanted us all to drive together to save gas money and also get the chance to hang out together. I told Emily we could go out later that night and do whatever she wanted after we took the other girls home, but she said either we go right after or not at all. So she chose to not come home from Charleston bc I wouldn't give in to making the other girls drive separate. 

    So Emily threw a bridal shower for me the weekend after her birthday. I had to reschedule our engagement pictures for the afternoon of the shower and had asked her a few days before how long she thought the shower would last...her response was "However long. I don't really care." She was still mad about her birthday.

    On the day of the shower she threw, things went better than I would have thought. I thanked her several times for throwing the shower before I left. She seemed ticked off when I left the shower so I texted her later that day saying thank you again and that all the polaroid pictures had turned out great! Her responses were "you're welcome" "yay"...I asked her if she was okay and she said "yep"....
    I asked her why she was being so short and she said she had been upset since her birthday...I told her that I was sorry and that we could have done something but she had chosen not to come home. She said that she had to make other plans. I told her that she didn't have to make other plans, that she chose to and asked who she did stuff with that day.....her response had me boiling... She said "See you at the wedding"...I told her I'll see you before the wedding and she said "oh yeah rehearsal"...

    WHO SAYS THAT TO THE BRIDE?! and expects to still be in the wedding? I had to refrain from responding back to just not bother showing up. 


    I'm meeting with her in person today to talk about it but I'm not dealing with her attitude and her acting like this for the next 2 months. 

    What do I do without making matters worse???



    How much time do you spend communicating with her on things not-related to your wedding? I would start there. Meet with her in person and chat with her about HER and maybe what's happening in her life, instead of reprimanding her for forgetting about the rehearsal dinner two months in advance. 

    I wasn't reprimanding her about forgetting about the rehearsal dinner. Her response was implying that I wouldn't see her until the wedding. and I said I would see her before then and she said oh yeah rehearsal. She didn't forget when it was
  • MRDCle said:
    MRDCle said:
    She didn't have to come to the fitting, that's not the problem. She is complaining and upset that I had to schedule a dress fitting on her birthday. And no matter how many times I should have to apologize for having to do that she wont let it go. We also have had to reschedule our pictures several times due to weather so I don't see why it's weird to have had them scheduled a few hours after the shower. I'd like to see my MOH before the rehearsal.


    Then make some plans with her. But TBH I live 2.5 hours from my MoH and in the 3 months leading up to our wedding we saw each other at my shower and my bach. Four hours is a long distance to travel, especially if you're all so concerned about an hour's worth of gas.
    We are getting together over coffee today. She has moved back into town for the time being apparently and didn't tell me. So as of right now the long distance thing isn't going to be an issue. Even if distance was an issue she isn't communicating with me about stuff. 
    At coffee today, don't bring up the wedding, or get defensive or accusatory. Ask her what's up. Let her know you've noticed she's been distant and a little short, and see what's going on with her. And listen to wh
    MRDCle said:
    MRDCle said:
    She didn't have to come to the fitting, that's not the problem. She is complaining and upset that I had to schedule a dress fitting on her birthday. And no matter how many times I should have to apologize for having to do that she wont let it go. We also have had to reschedule our pictures several times due to weather so I don't see why it's weird to have had them scheduled a few hours after the shower. I'd like to see my MOH before the rehearsal.


    Then make some plans with her. But TBH I live 2.5 hours from my MoH and in the 3 months leading up to our wedding we saw each other at my shower and my bach. Four hours is a long distance to travel, especially if you're all so concerned about an hour's worth of gas.
    We are getting together over coffee today. She has moved back into town for the time being apparently and didn't tell me. So as of right now the long distance thing isn't going to be an issue. Even if distance was an issue she isn't communicating with me about stuff. 
    At coffee today, don't bring up the wedding, or get defensive or accusatory. Ask her what's up. Let her know you've noticed she's been distant and a little short, and see what's going on with her. And listen to what she has to say. 

    The last thing I want to do is end up being accusatory. I tried talking to her about why she's being distant and she said shes been upset since her birthday. I want to make things better but she hasn't been doing the same on her end. Hence the "Ill see you at the wedding" comment

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    MRDCle said:
    MRDCle said:
    My MOH (Emily) and I have been best friends since elementary school. We've been through it all. Over the past year or so our friendship has not been how it used to be. She moved away to Charleston to get away from our hometown and she has been on and off again with her "boyfriend." Me and my fiancé have been together for 7 years. Hanging out with her now is much harder since we are at such different points in our lives.

    Because my fiancé is a triplet, he is having 3 best men. This worked out for me because I was hesitant to have Emily as my only MOH. With her living 4 hours away and not being the most dependable person I've ever known, it worked well that my fiancé's sisters would also be MOH's.

    First the issue of the bachelorette party came about. She wanted to do something completely different than what the other 2 MOH's wanted to do and was/is constantly complaining about how they were being stubborn and not any fun. Tension was created between her and the other 2 MOH. 

    The biggest issue to date is her holding it over my head that I had a dress fitting on her birthday. I had to apologize several times to her about having to schedule it on her birthday. She eventually seemed to get over it and said she would come to the fitting. Her, 2 other bridesmaids, and I were going to drive an hour to my dress fitting together to save gas. A few days before the fitting she said she wanted to go to a late lunch after the fitting and hang out for her birthday. I wanted to celebrate with her but the other 2 bridesmaids had to go back home right after the dress fitting for school stuff. Emily wanted me to tell them to drive themselves to the dress fitting so we could go celebrate her afterwards. I told her that I wasn't going to make them drive themselves all that way for 15 min to turn right back around. I wanted us all to drive together to save gas money and also get the chance to hang out together. I told Emily we could go out later that night and do whatever she wanted after we took the other girls home, but she said either we go right after or not at all. So she chose to not come home from Charleston bc I wouldn't give in to making the other girls drive separate. 

    So Emily threw a bridal shower for me the weekend after her birthday. I had to reschedule our engagement pictures for the afternoon of the shower and had asked her a few days before how long she thought the shower would last...her response was "However long. I don't really care." She was still mad about her birthday.

    On the day of the shower she threw, things went better than I would have thought. I thanked her several times for throwing the shower before I left. She seemed ticked off when I left the shower so I texted her later that day saying thank you again and that all the polaroid pictures had turned out great! Her responses were "you're welcome" "yay"...I asked her if she was okay and she said "yep"....
    I asked her why she was being so short and she said she had been upset since her birthday...I told her that I was sorry and that we could have done something but she had chosen not to come home. She said that she had to make other plans. I told her that she didn't have to make other plans, that she chose to and asked who she did stuff with that day.....her response had me boiling... She said "See you at the wedding"...I told her I'll see you before the wedding and she said "oh yeah rehearsal"...

    WHO SAYS THAT TO THE BRIDE?! and expects to still be in the wedding? I had to refrain from responding back to just not bother showing up. 


    I'm meeting with her in person today to talk about it but I'm not dealing with her attitude and her acting like this for the next 2 months. 

    What do I do without making matters worse???



    How much time do you spend communicating with her on things not-related to your wedding? I would start there. Meet with her in person and chat with her about HER and maybe what's happening in her life, instead of reprimanding her for forgetting about the rehearsal dinner two months in advance. 

    I wasn't reprimanding her about forgetting about the rehearsal dinner. Her response was implying that I wouldn't see her until the wedding. and I said I would see her before then and she said oh yeah rehearsal. She didn't forget when it was
    I guess I'm failing to see the issue with this exchange. She said see you at the wedding (which I would have probably taken to mean the wedding weekend myself), you said no, and she corrected herself....?

    Unless there's some sarcastic tone here which you think is implied by the phrasing, I also have no idea what the problem is here. Who cares if she momentarily forgot about the rehearsal?

    Are you saying that she was planning on avoiding you until the wedding itself? I mean, it implies she's upset with you, but maybe that's justified. Only talking it out with an open mind and genuinely listening ear will tell, so hopefully you get to do that over coffee. It's certainly not a friendship-ending statement, which is what taking her out of the wedding party would be. 

    I would think you were a tad overdramatic if you said "WHO SAYS THAT TO A FRIEND?!" but at least you'd have a clue that you two were having friendship problems, because this has zero to do with your wedding. You have no privileged status in what people do or do not say to you as a bride.

    Anniversary

    charlotte989875PrettyGirlLost
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited February 13
    OK, your bridesmaid has to show up at the wedding, dressed in the dress, sober, smile for the photos, and stand next to you when you say your vows.

    This lady has done far more than this for you, but you are complaining about what?  I don't wonder that her attitude towards you has changed, and it is of your own doing.  What difference did it make if she went to your dress fitting, or not?  Did you need an audience to applaud?  You sound very self-centered, and your complaints shout "Me! Me! Me!".

    Just reading your complaints, I wouldn't want to be your friend either.  It all sounds very junior high school.  Your little judgement crack about her status with her "boyfriend" is tacky, too.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Honestly, y'all both sound like you have a super high maintenance friendship with crappy communication and problem solving skills.

    If she can't get over a dress fitting on her birthday and you can't get over whatever this RD thing is....there is no hope for this friendship long-term.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    ShesSoColdInLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • First off-you sound as though you are better then her which is very inappropriate. She’s been your friend for a while now so I don’t see the issue with you guys solving your differences in a adult manner. You both need to put on your big girl panties and solve the problem. Starting with you because you are the only inappropriate one here. It’s not all about you-your wedding is coming and going!
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    @2019bride, this thread is on the older side.  The original poster is married now. 

    I see you are new to The Knot.  Welcome!  Typically when responding to a thread, check the first post, to determine the original posting date, and then the last post, to determine whether the thread is old/dead.  Often, 6 months or more makes it a dead thread.


    MairePoppy
  • Oh ok, thanks. This app is so confusing as to what’s old,new.
    MairePoppyMobKazahoywedding
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