Different plus one?

summergrl5s

Hi all,

My friend is getting married soon and she had invited a married couple to her wedding. The wife can’t make it. The husband wants to know if he can bring someone else? My friend isn’t sure she wants that, as she wanted the couple there, not the husband and a random person.

Etiquette-wise, what’s best? Obviously the invite is addressed to the couple but the RSVP says that ‘2 seats are reserved in your honor’.

TIA!

charlotte989875

summergrl5s said:

Hi all,

My friend is getting married soon and she had invited a married couple to her wedding. The wife can’t make it. The husband wants to know if he can bring someone else? My friend isn’t sure she wants that, as she wanted the couple there, not the husband and a random person.

Etiquette-wise, what’s best? Obviously the invite is addressed to the couple but the RSVP says that ‘2 seats are reserved in your honor’.

TIA!

Invites are extended to the people who are listed, so in this case the husband and the wife. Your friend is free to tell the husband that. 

However, how big of a deal is this random friend, really? The husband wants to attend, his wife can't, but he wants to bring someone else to hang out with; what exactly is the problem? If telling him no is going to create tension or a problem with a friend, I'd say just let him bring him along. Your friend is (probably) not even going to notice.

southernbelle0915

summergrl5s said:

Hi all,

My friend is getting married soon and she had invited a married couple to her wedding. The wife can’t make it. The husband wants to know if he can bring someone else? My friend isn’t sure she wants that, as she wanted the couple there, not the husband and a random person.

Etiquette-wise, what’s best? Obviously the invite is addressed to the couple but the RSVP says that ‘2 seats are reserved in your honor’.

TIA!

From an etiquette standpoint, invitations are non-transferable and it is rude to assume or ask that if someone listed by name on the invitation cannot attend, that you can replace that person with someone else.

That said, your friend is 100% in the right to say "I'm sorry, the invitation was just for you and your wife. We hope to see you there." 

However, if she has the budget and space, she can certainly allow this person to bring a guest. If it were me, I'd be considering whether or not he knew anyone else at the wedding, how good of friends we are, etc.

MandyMost

I'd also consider if single people got a "plus one" on their invite. If I was single and I couldn't bring someone, but a married person could bring a friend...that would kinda piss me off. If that's the case, I think it's fine to explain it to the guy, as in "Sorry, we of course invited you guys as a couple, but we didn't have the space to offer 'plus ones' to all of our single guests, so I'd feel weird letting you bring a friend when I'm not letting them bring a friend". 

MairePoppy

Guests shouldn't put in requests to make substitutions. It puts the host in awkward situation. I'm wondering if the man will know any of the other guests at the wedding. Your friend could tell him he can't bring Rando, but he will be seated with so and so. 

To be honest, I'd just let him bring Rando, since there were 2 seats alloted for him. It won't affect the budget. IMO, allowing the man to bring Rando doesn't obligate the couple to allow plus ones for all the single guests. The guests shouldn't question the guest list. 

In other words, it's up to your friend to decide if she wants to allow the substitute guest or not. 

STARMOON44

MandyMost said:

I'd also consider if single people got a "plus one" on their invite. If I was single and I couldn't bring someone, but a married person could bring a friend...that would kinda piss me off. If that's the case, I think it's fine to explain it to the guy, as in "Sorry, we of course invited you guys as a couple, but we didn't have the space to offer 'plus ones' to all of our single guests, so I'd feel weird letting you bring a friend when I'm not letting them bring a friend". 

Yeah I’d be annoyed at this as a single guest without a plus one. 

ahoywedding

MandyMost said:

I'd also consider if single people got a "plus one" on their invite. If I was single and I couldn't bring someone, but a married person could bring a friend...that would kinda piss me off. If that's the case, I think it's fine to explain it to the guy, as in "Sorry, we of course invited you guys as a couple, but we didn't have the space to offer 'plus ones' to all of our single guests, so I'd feel weird letting you bring a friend when I'm not letting them bring a friend". 

Honestly, this would be the only time I'd say no the guest can't swap out who they come with. Technically, yeah, it's poor etiquette for the guest to ask to bring someone else, but most couples would probably allow it since that "seat" had been allotted and paid for already. Not that it's any other guest's business who someone else brings, but it's possible it could cause some saltiness. 

kahluakoala

ahoywedding said:

show previous quotes

MandyMost said:

I'd also consider if single people got a "plus one" on their invite. If I was single and I couldn't bring someone, but a married person could bring a friend...that would kinda piss me off. If that's the case, I think it's fine to explain it to the guy, as in "Sorry, we of course invited you guys as a couple, but we didn't have the space to offer 'plus ones' to all of our single guests, so I'd feel weird letting you bring a friend when I'm not letting them bring a friend". 

Honestly, this would be the only time I'd say no the guest can't swap out who they come with. Technically, yeah, it's poor etiquette for the guest to ask to bring someone else, but most couples would probably allow it since that "seat" had been allotted and paid for already. Not that it's any other guest's business who someone else brings, but it's possible it could cause some saltiness. 

I mean it just kind of makes you feel "less than" as a single guest. Like now that you're married you get to bring a friend everywhere because you can't bare to be alone, but a single person doesn't get the same consideration? Unless everyone had a plus one in their circle (i.e. we're giving plus ones to all family members, so if this person is a family member then ok), this would be a hard no for me.

Jen4948

Your friend would be justified in telling the guest, "While I'm sorry your wife can't make it, our wedding invitation is only for you and her."

While it's okay to tell him that he can bring someone else, this is an instance where asking is rude. It puts the host in a difficult situation.

But if your friend is okay with letting him bring someone else, it's her decision.

ahoywedding

kahluakoala said:

show previous quotes

ahoywedding said:

MandyMost said:

I'd also consider if single people got a "plus one" on their invite. If I was single and I couldn't bring someone, but a married person could bring a friend...that would kinda piss me off. If that's the case, I think it's fine to explain it to the guy, as in "Sorry, we of course invited you guys as a couple, but we didn't have the space to offer 'plus ones' to all of our single guests, so I'd feel weird letting you bring a friend when I'm not letting them bring a friend". 

Honestly, this would be the only time I'd say no the guest can't swap out who they come with. Technically, yeah, it's poor etiquette for the guest to ask to bring someone else, but most couples would probably allow it since that "seat" had been allotted and paid for already. Not that it's any other guest's business who someone else brings, but it's possible it could cause some saltiness. 

I mean it just kind of makes you feel "less than" as a single guest. Like now that you're married you get to bring a friend everywhere because you can't bare to be alone, but a single person doesn't get the same consideration? Unless everyone had a plus one in their circle (i.e. we're giving plus ones to all family members, so if this person is a family member then ok), this would be a hard no for me.

Oh I totally agree. We gave every single guest a plus one, so I wouldn't have cared if someone wanted to bring someone besides their spouse. There are a lot of people who don't do that though, so in those situations (especially if their reason is so they don't have "any random guests" lol), it would be uncomfortable to allow someone to make a swap on the invite.

LondonLisa

I think this is a time where what you can do and what you should do are two separate things. The bride absolutely can say no, the invite was only for the married couple. But in reality, she should just let it go. If they are good friends, and he wants to celebrate but his wife can’t make it, just let him bring his brother or whatever. That budget is already spent. It isn’t like he is asking to bring an additional guest. Or the bride’s ex boyfriend. 

I just think life is too short, planning can be stressful, and save the difficult conversations with friends for the serious stuff.